Alleycat's secret diary

Alleycat

I have depression and severe anxiety. Have been like this off and on for the past 15 years. I'm 33 years old with two kids - 7 and nearly 2. We've been in debt for so many years. I found MSE when looking for advice on Ebay way back in 2005, then found the DFW board and posted here for a while. Been working hard to clear debts but when we moved cities and had another baby they increased again. Don't think I had properly had my lightbulb moment back in 2005 despite thinking I had. My OH is just as bad with spending, if not worse. Great at bargain hunting but then gets lazy and thinks WTH.

We've had loads of money problems over the past three months. Housing Benefit was suspended then reinstated but at a lower amount than it should have been and not backdated. This sent me into an even worse downward spiral and I started having severe panic attacks - something my depression had never led me to before. It's been bloody hard to deal with especially with the kids and stress at work but I'm back on medication and awaiting CBT.

OH has had a promotion so our income will increase at the end of this month. Yay, more money to throw at our debt. Updated the spreadsheet, something that I have been avoiding for a while and it looks so pretty going into the new year! Finally will have excess income. It has been so hard being effectively £300 down per month with no warning. Kids need new shoes, had already promised our eldest certain presents for christmas but we're nearly there. £142 cashback for swapping to virgin (which is currently cheaper than our internet and phone package), £20 voucher for signing up for lovefilm trial and £5 nectar points. We're dab hands at the deal spotting and frugal living having been members for over 6 years!

Debt number one we intend to clear by end March at latest then it's big debt number two then student loan. If we keep on paying as we are, we will be debt free by March 2015 but intend to bring that forward to 2013. It is possible and not pie in the sky. I promised our 7 year old that we would someday live in a proper house and not a flat. Nothing wrong with our lovely flat but it's not big enough and me and my husband currently sleep on a loft bed in the living room. It's better than the sofa bed we were on for nearly 8 months though.

So that is my life. I don't expect anyone to read this but I need to write it down. It's part of my self directed therapy.

Oh and I'm so proud of myself as I sorted my tax out. Something I've managed to put off for 6 years despite all the stressy letters from HMRC.

parsniphead

Good luck with the journey Alleycat.

Lets hope your husbands promotion with make things a little easier for you both.

Alleycat

Well that was a rubbish start to my diary! Meant to post more frequently but been very lethargic and low and the space bar on my laptop has been broken!

Thank you parsniphead for posting your support, it's really gratefully received.

Well, think Housing Benefit is nearly sorted. Emailed a formal complaint letter to the Head of Operations (helps when you work in housing and know how it works and who to contact) and got a reply back within an hour and fifteen minutes agreeing that the case needed to be looked at urgently. He agrees with me that my calculations are indeed correct and so has passed it back to the team to reassess. Should have a change of award imminent which will mean a backdate and underpayment paid through to me. That will deal with the shortfall in January's budget that there would have been without any payments and will help to put towards debts.

God, I hate that department. I've worked with so many Housing Benefit departments since I started in housing ten years ago and they are truely the worst local authority I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with. Honestly, it must be so depressing going through life being that stupid.

My mum has given me a cheque for £1000 (she's drip feeding our grandmother's inheritance) and offered me some cash to tide me over. I got paid today so declined the cash as we will be alright. She's also giving £1000 to both of my sisters as well but not until the new year so I don't feel too bad about that. I hate taking handouts - too much pride I think!

I've asked my husband to get a settlement figure on the lowest loan - think it should be approx £450/500 which we will clear with the cheque. Will use a little bit to do up our daughter's bedroom as want to do that for her birthday present as a surprise and the rest we will either pay into the other loan (approx £8400) or put into savings. Clearing the small loan should save us approx £60-80 interest as due to be paid off in October.

I think my husband's student loan is due to be cleared by September 2012 but he thinks there is another year to run. He's been promising to pull out the paperwork or ring them for ages so will get him onto that this week. To be fair he's been working really hard and then having to deal with all the housework I've not done on his days off.

I so hope the student loan is due to be cleared this year as I would be so happy but probably me getting confused again as I know mine was due to be cleared this year if I hadn't deferred it (earn low enough to do this).

Medication has been increased due to the increased panic attacks. Now on 100mg Sertraline which is still not too bad a dose. Should have appointment for first CBT by mid to late January 2012.

Anway, all presents bought and made for christmas and just need to do the grocery shopping and then done. Am hosting my parents this year which I'm really looking forward to. Daughter is going to be so overwhelmed that both santa and we have got what she wanted. DS and roller blades (I love Ebay!). Don't think I've paid full price for anything. And because HB is nearly sorted, been very savvy with vouchers and points cards am able to get my husband a Kindle cover which will definitely be here in time.

Am on a bit of a high today I think. Need to be careful though as quite often followed by a crash. Had one on Monday at work so maybe not for a week or so. Really hope I don't crash as it's nice to feel a bit more relaxed again. Ooh it's good to talk!

greenanne

hi there alleycat.
well done on your success with the housing benefit.you certainly sound much more positive than in your last post which is great.
can i make a little observation.opening your diary up and seeing 'i've fallen in a hole' written in your signature is bound to be a bit disheartening.how about changing it for 'proud to be dealing with my debts'.
good luck with your journey.:)

Alleycat

To my wonderful parents. I love you so much and you have given me so much. Inspiration, strength, support and most importantly love. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be who I am. I so often forget to tell you and show you how much I care and how much I appreciate how much you have done for me. I have been through some dark times, but when I cry I always want my mum and dad. To hug me and tell me that I'm great. I remember when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend. The mug of tea that dad brought me - "don't let the b*stards get you down" it said. Dad you are a star! You taught me about drug awareness. I could always talk to you about what I'd tried. You'd say "oh that's not such a good one, be careful" but you never judged. You'd been there and got the t shirt. I'm so glad that I was eventually able to take you to see Neil Young live, someone you'd always loved but never seen. Mum - "It'll be alright dear, let's make croquet potatoes". I hope I am doing you proud in the belgian food front. You're always so chilled and available. You make me want to cry because you're so lovely.

But now I want to give back to you. You look after my children when I ask, you loan me money when I ask and you answer my questions when I ask. I don't know how to give back to you in the same way that you have given to me. I want to cuddle you so tight right now. I hope we have another lovely Christmas together enjoying each others time. My mum and dad - the most brilliant people on this planet. I love you.

elantan

i would love to have parents like yours ... i'm sure they know they are loved

Alleycat

greenanne wrote: »

hi there alleycat.
well done on your success with the housing benefit.you certainly sound much more positive than in your last post which is great.
can i make a little observation.opening your diary up and seeing 'i've fallen in a hole' written in your signature is bound to be a bit disheartening.how about changing it for 'proud to be dealing with my debts'.
good luck with your journey.:)

The sig is a quote from I think Monty Python. I can't remember who said it but it was the voice that made me laugh. Shame there's no sound on here. I guess it must sound like I'm talking about our debts but I'm not, honest!

Thank you for your support!

Alleycat

Hubby got his first new wage paid today. I was off by £6 when I did it on the Tax and NI calculator which is pretty good as I can never get how to deal with his pension contributions. So have properly updated the spreadsheet (well created a new one for 2012) and finally we have a reasonable surplus at the end of each month. I know that some will be swallowed with odd childrens expenses and emergencies but there will still be a good amount left. I have been looking at ISAs and better interest paying childrens savings accounts. I think we will wait until February to set these up though as I don't want to run too quickly. Want to see quite how well we go with the payrise. Oh and still waiting for Housing Benefit to be sorted but the Ops Manager did say that it would likely be in the new year that we would hear as there are lots of people on leave over christmas.

I've been a bit naughty and not been taking my tablets regularly over the christmas holidays. I keep thinking oh I'll take them later but keep forgetting. OH is reminding me but I still seem to put it off. When I've typed this, I will go and take them. If anyone reads this, hound me until I take them.

Eurgh, got the MIL coming up tomorrow. She's lovely but such hard work. Just sits there asking repeatedly about the weather and telling us about random neighbours and people we've never met as if they are old friends of ours. Also watches such crap on telly and goes to bed soooo late. Ah well, only a couple of days. I sound so mean, but honestly it's boring and tiring.

Oh and OH has still not rung Student Loans to find out when it is due to end. Seriously need to sit there breathing down his neck to get him to do stuff like that. Then he gets !!!!ed off and I feel like the bad guy. I just want to know as so hoping it's going to be 2012!

ScarlettOHara_2

Have you taken your tablets yet?

Good news on the promotion, sounds like it will make life a lot easier. Is the student loan an income dependent one (the one where they take 9% of anything over £15k?) If so you can probably work out a reasonable approximation by looking at the last statement they sent (guaranteed to be way out of date) and then knocking off the payments made since and adding back a bit for interest. If you have less than two years to go they are supposed to offer you a chance to switch to Direct Debit payments so you dont overpay as there is a high chance they will keep taking payments for months after you have finished paying. You get it back eventually but its a pain for it to happen! The payments will go up with the promotion too so should get paid off a bit quicker. I'm in a similar position and have been tracking it obsessively for two years to see it going down slowly over time.

Alleycat

ScarlettOHara wrote: »

Have you taken your tablets yet?

Good news on the promotion, sounds like it will make life a lot easier. Is the student loan an income dependent one (the one where they take 9% of anything over £15k?) If so you can probably work out a reasonable approximation by looking at the last statement they sent (guaranteed to be way out of date) and then knocking off the payments made since and adding back a bit for interest. If you have less than two years to go they are supposed to offer you a chance to switch to Direct Debit payments so you dont overpay as there is a high chance they will keep taking payments for months after you have finished paying. You get it back eventually but its a pain for it to happen! The payments will go up with the promotion too so should get paid off a bit quicker. I'm in a similar position and have been tracking it obsessively for two years to see it going down slowly over time.

No

It's one of the old style ones which you can defer if your income is low enough (mine is currently deferred and will be for quite a long time yet. Had been deferring, then paying and now deferring again). OH had deferred his but can't remember how many years he's been paying it back for now. I would so love that £126 per month to be going to pay the Nationwide No. 2 loan instead! I'm the same, obsessive about knowing how long there is left and how I'll be adding that money to snowball the big b#gger.

ScarlettOHara_2

Alleycat wrote: »

No

It's one of the old style ones which you can defer if your income is low enough (mine is currently deferred and will be for quite a long time yet. Had been deferring, then paying and now deferring again). OH had deferred his but can't remember how many years he's been paying it back for now. I would so love that £126 per month to be going to pay the Nationwide No. 2 loan instead! I'm the same, obsessive about knowing how long there is left and how I'll be adding that money to snowball the big b#gger.

Go take them right now, we're waiting :whistle:

You might be able to do some sort of online jiggery pokery with student loans. Its not the best site in the world but has some basic info on there that might help. Registering isnt too tortuous from memory.