What would you do?

newmum2007

Since September I've become quite close with one of the mums at my dd's school and coming up is the anniversary of her daughters stillbirth, she talks about her a lot and is quite open with me.
What I want to know is would you get a card or a little gift or is this something private that is best left to the family?

gingin_2

It's so personal but if it were me I would give her a hug and a small bunch of flowers and say " I am thinking of you" and continue to be a supportive friend.

missindecisive

I think it depends on exactly what your friendship is like with her, and what she is like as a person.
personally i think a card and a gift, although thoughtful, could be a bit too full on., then you have to consider whether to carry on this process year after year. I am sure though that she will appreciate you thinking of her and mentioning it..far better than ignoring it.
How about just asking her round for a coffee, giving her a big hug and telling her you are there for a chat if she wants to ?

katiecoodle

I think that if you recognised the day, it would be a very kind & sensitive gesture. I'd be tempted to get one of those small cards (you know the ones which are the same size as credit cards & have their own envelope & are pre-printed with a nice verse on it) just to offer as recognition of what she's going through. You sound like a lovely friend.

jackyann

I think that if she talks a lot to you, you will pick up what best to do. I agree, nothing too "formal", but make sure you are "available" around that time, and a small bunch of flowers or a little plant won't go amiss.

mishkanorman

I think a card would be lovely, perhaps make a donation to sands on their behalf ?

Having recently suffered a loss (at 15 weeks though for me) the hardest thing is people avoiding even saying 'baby' around me, im sure just an acknowledgement would be appreciated greatly !

meritaten

a small bunch of flowers, and to be there for the tears which will flow! the fact that you acknowledge her grief and allow her to express it - will help her through this time.

VfM4meplse

missindecisive wrote: »

I think it depends on exactly what your friendship is like with her, and what she is like as a person.
personally i think a card and a gift, although thoughtful, could be a bit too full on., then you have to consider whether to carry on this process year after year. I am sure though that she will appreciate you thinking of her and mentioning it..far better than ignoring it.

I couldn't agree more, she doesn't need a physical reminder.

missindecisive wrote: »

How about just asking her round for a coffee, giving her a big hug and telling her you are there for a chat if she wants to ?

Spot on, considerate and the MSE way!

newmum2007

Thanks everyone! I know she has plans for the actual day so I think I will give her a card just saying I am thinking of her and the kettle is always on!