Nailbiting in adult man

Eliza_2

This is going to sound really trite but just wondered what other people think of nail biting in adult man (he's in his 50s)

I met him via email when we were making some arrangements about our (grown-up)offspring who are both involved in music. I've never met the man but we have emailed back and forth, then phoned, sent photos etc and we get on well, have things in common, not just our children and so on. I know that like me he is on his own and we work in related areas. Everything hunky dory I thought.

However I can see in some of the photos that he bites his nails really badly and I'm ashamed to say it's really put me off. It's not something I've ever really thought of before but it feels like it's a sign of weakness and even dirty. I know, I know it's irrational (especially as otherwise I like him) and all that and I didn't know I felt that strongly but it seems I do - I'm very surprised at myself!! I feel as though I'm seeing the rest of him in a different light. It's an incredibly immature attitude to have but that's how I feel.

He's invited me to meet him for lunch (he lives 50 miles or so away) but I'm really not sure I want this to go any further - I'm so cross with myself that I feel like that so I could do with your views on this and any ideas on how to get myself out of this mindset.

Thanks very much - Liz

paulwellerfan

nail biting is nasty...
i know i did it till i was in my late 20's
however i kicked the habit by putting on that stop and grow stuff.
still that wont help you will it.
maybe you could mention to this man that you find this habit horrible, and he might make the effort to stop.
some people ( myself included) didnt or dont even realise they are doing it.
give him a chance and try to see past it.
he could have worse habits you know.!!!!

lynzpower

There are many reasons why people bite their nails. It can be for all sorts of reasons. I used to bite my nails ( im 34) and always have done, they were always weak & splitting. Funnily enough some medication I am taking for a totally unrelated problem has seen my nails suddenly strengthen and grow long enough to file them for the first time in my life. Much of the time I didnt know I was doing it but my nails felt itchy if that makes any sense.

I dont agree that it is an unhygenic habit, as recently I was part of some lab tests where swabs from my bitten nails was grown as culture and I had the lowest count in the class of 30. The science doesnt really bear out your theory. I was pretty surprised and so were those with perfectly manicured hands.

Long fingernails can harbour all sorts of bacteria including staph + e coli particularly under the nail.

If you dont want to meet someone who you get along with over their fingernails then I personally think you shouldn't bother. Im sure at 50-0dd years of age he will have has someone tell him / nag him about this before. Maybe you should send him an email telling him his nailbiting has put you off and you are not attracted to him? there is no point in pretending or lying about this, hes a grown up he can take it Im sure.

All of us are complex human beings with habits, hobbies and ticks you might not like. If you are not ready to buy into the idea that you can love someone who is not perfect and doesnt tick your boxes then dont get his hopes up.

aliasojo

He's invited you for lunch OP. Does that automatically mean 'date'? Would you refuse to go for lunch with any other of your friends if they bit their nails? Maybe you shouldn't get too ahead of yourself and only think of this as a meeting between 2 potential friends.

IF it progresses then deal with the problem then. I do think you are overthinking this at this stage.

SueMaggie

My OH has bitten his nails ever since I've known him - 25 years!

I've tried all sorts to help him stop but none of it's worked so I've just had to learn to live with it. Interestingly his two sisters and one of his brothers do it too.

He's a lovely man and I wouldn't want to have missed out on many happy years together because of this one habit.

Perhaps you could see how you get on when you meet and decide whether the nailbiting is a deal-breaker for you. You may get on so well that you barely notice it.

Eliza_2

Thanks, yes it does mean 'date' and I'm pretty certain, actually I know he is interested in taking it further. I'm not bothered about perfection, - he's quite chubby and a bit shorter than me, things that might put other women off but don't bother me at all - just this - very silly I know!

To be honest, I can't think of any other friends or work colleagues who have bitten nails - oh yes, I remember one man I used to work with who did, he had other problems too, a really obsessive personality and personal hygiene problems, that's probably why I make that connection.

Thanks for your thoughts kind people and for not being too impatient with me!!!

Mrs_P_Pincher

I have to say nail biting is a complete disqualifier for me. I wouldn't want to think of those hands on me...

I can do overweight, within reason, I can do ginger, but I can't do nailbiting.

Mrs P P

mondello

I have always bitten my nails. I do stop for often and they grow long which I like but then split so I start bitting again. My parents do too so I think it's a habit a picked up from them. I'm not a nervous person or have any other issues.

I would hope that this would not put someone off dating me as I would hope they would see me for the person I am. On the flip side though I did have a date with a guy who had the longest nails I'd seen, even longer than most womens, and this really freaked me out!!! Did have a second date with him!

Amanita_2

Complete turn off for me.

I spent 18 months sitting across a desk from a man who bit his nails. Used to turn my stomach I'm afraid.

I'm not biased, I don't like long finger nails on a man either!

cavework

If he bites his toe nails .. run away and do not look back
Also from a fingernail biter of over 50 years .. yes it is nasty but it beats belly button scoopers and sniffers or nose pickers.:eek:
and that is something you will find out about later (hopefully)

C_Mababejive

I do believe that biting your nails is far more natural than not biting them. If you think about it, its part of basic human grooming behaviour. In earlier times what do you think humans did? There were no nail bars or clipping tools. I'll bet early man bit his nails and i'll bet other similar life forms such as chimps also bite theirs. Anyway,if thats all he ever does wrong then he will be a good 'un. I am an occasional nail nibbler but am also scrupulously clean,not weak,know where the shower is,consider myself to be intelligent and have never been out of work.