help

amandajmartin

what would you do my son has come back from his dads saying he wasn't going to bring him home this weekend! and is talking about saving up and taking him abroad to live! he as also asked ds aged 10 to find out how much me and other half have in our personal and business accounts and any passwords to ebay paypal facebook etc and to write them down and give them to him! all this after he was the one who walked out 4 years ago emptying all the bank accounts and leaving me and the children with no gas or electric and no money 10 days before christmas i'm of the feeling of stopping ds from seeing him cuz like he said to me its really upsetting him! what would you do

Gigglepig

oh dear that sounds awful.

how concerned are you - do you think there is any real risk your ex may take your son abroad - does he have a connection with another country or serious plans to emigrate?
is your son normally truthful or does he sometimes embellish stories a little?

do you have a contact agreement at the moment?

meritaten

I dont blame you being worried. But, as your DS wouldnt know your bank details etc, It shouldnt be a problem. HOWEVER, it sounds like your ex may be planning to leave the country - taking your DS!
first of all - make sure that ALL your personal details are safe! change them now if you have to!
Be vigilant with your bank accounts etc - check them regularly - any hint that someone else has access - inform the bank!

Step up security for your DS. Don't assume your ex cannot get a passport for him - he can! also inform the school exactly WHO is allowed to pick up your son, and that his dad has threatened to take him abroad. if he turns up to pick him up with any sort of 'story' then YOU are to be phoned asap!
your son has got this from somewhere - he may be worried, reassure him hun! also tell him that its ok to say that mummy is paranoid about her bank account etc - and she keeps all that info under lock and key!
I do hope that your son is worried about nothing and your ex is just talking 'big'!

adamantine

meritaten wrote: »

I dont blame you being worried. But, as your DS wouldnt know your bank details etc, It shouldnt be a problem. HOWEVER, it sounds like your ex may be planning to leave the country - taking your DS!
first of all - make sure that ALL your personal details are safe! change them now if you have to!
Be vigilant with your bank accounts etc - check them regularly - any hint that someone else has access - inform the bank!

Step up security for your DS. Don't assume your ex cannot get a passport for him - he can! also inform the school exactly WHO is allowed to pick up your son, and that his dad has threatened to take him abroad. if he turns up to pick him up with any sort of 'story' then YOU are to be phoned asap!
your son has got this from somewhere - he may be worried, reassure him hun! also tell him that its ok to say that mummy is paranoid about her bank account etc - and she keeps all that info under lock and key!
I do hope that your son is worried about nothing and your ex is just talking 'big'!

i echo everything in this post!

have you got a solicitor? i would make an app asap to discuss this and see what precautions you can take.

it might be that he is all talk (we all know how much drivel some men can spout!) but the big about the passwords and bank info sounds like an attempt to clean you out again.

make_me_wise

If your ex husband has parental responsibility the school cannot stop him from taking your child out of school, at collection time. All they can do is try to delay him until you can get there, and speak with him.

daska

As per the cover of that famous book: Don't Panic! Some of us have been there, it's scary but at the moment it's just a threat and there are things you can do to help prevent it.

First I'd give my son a huge hug and ask how he feels about what his father has said and what he wants (being careful to ask open questions). Tell him you need to know what he really feels rather than what he thinks you want to hear. Then, as per meritaten's post I'd lock up my bank details and passports and change my passwords to lovely secure ones, look up the nearest solicitor who's a member of the Children's Panel and first thing tomorrow make an urgent appointment with solicitor and contact everywhere my son's father might collect him from and warn them that he's at risk of abduction. Talk with solicitor and take it from there.

amandajmartin

thanks for all your reply's i'm very concerned my son dosn't make up storys like that he's more likely to keep things to him self! my ex does have family in spain and his parents are looking at moving out there and already have a villa there! i have changed all my passwords to be safe. i'm seeing a solicitor tomorrow morning! he does have parental responsability for him as we were married but i have resindencie of him his dad see's him 1 weekend a month that was his choice! but my ds says his nan and grandad keep trying to talk him into living with his dad but he don't want that cuz he's scared of him

meritaten

I think from what you say - he is at real risk of being abducted - and with the grandparents collusion. I really think you need legal advice - which you are getting.
meanwhile, be vigilant and if you have to feign illness to keep DS out of exes clutches - do so!

Use any and every excuse to keep DS away from ex - Mumps is a good one if ex hasnt had it! So is Chicken Pox!
Can you arrange a sleepover at your parents? or a friends? just while you assess this risk and get advice?

sleepless_saver

If amandajmartin is your real name, do you really want to be posting about this on a public forum using your name? It's not very private for your children and at the worst your OP could see what plans you are making to deal with this situation.

daska

OK, I'm with meritaten and I'm going to revise what I said, this sounds like more than an idle threat. With any luck they won't expect him to have told you so you will have some time to erect suitable defences. Illness can be your friend in this because, as make me wise has correctly pointed out, unless there's a court order restricting it, his dad can collect him from school without your permission. Does your son have a passport? If not it might be worth applying for one asap, you don't need his father's signature and it will help prevent him from applying for a genuine one. Then if you don't manage to get a court order preventing one being issued to his dad you've got a back up plan. Also, you mention his dad has family in spain, is he Spanish and could he therefore apply for a spanish passport for your son? If there's any possibility that he can then make sure you mention it to your solicitor because you may need to consult a solicitor in Spain as well.

There's a bit of info about passports on the direct.gov site

If the worst happens there's some useful links on the FCO site

Heart_Shaped_Diamond

Wrong thread.