follow up with CSA after application made 11 years ago?

CATS

Hi All,

I have a bit of a long question that I was hoping you could give me your opinions on. Sorry for the long post

Basically my ex bf walked out of my life when I was 17/18 and our son 1yrs old. He never wanted any contact with him and has never tried to contact me at all regarding seeing my son. My wonderful boy is now 12 years old and in 11 years has not seen my ex.

At the age of 17/18, I was on income support and therefore the CSA wanted to put an application for maitenance. I was a bit scared as I didn't want him to come back and cause trouble in my life, because of the CSA application. However I gave them as much info as possible. As I said, this was when my son was 1yrs old, 11 years ago. Since then I finished my studies, went to University and found an extremely well paid job. I met a wonderful man who I married and we have been together for almost 11 years. During this time me and my husband raise my son, financially and emotionally we have provided everything for him. We are lucky that we both have well paid jobs and can provide everything for our son. My son does not know his biological father and as he grew up with my husband calls him daddy and they adore each other.My husband has parental responsibility for my son and has been there since he was a baby, financially providing everything.

Basically I have not heard back from the CSA for 11 years, since the application was done. My questions is, after all this time is it worth chasing them? would I get that money back dated? my ex doesnt really have a lot of money, he does manual jobs so wouldnt earn a lot of money. I know this because I kept in touch with his sister. One part of me says just let it be, the other says that he should be responsible and pay up. I dont need that money as I am financially stable but if there is any chance I could get that money I would put it in a bank account for my boy. My husband also doesnt want me to follow it up as he says we provide for our son well and we dont need the hassle. I am a grown up now and not the kid he walked out on so I have no problem facing him anymore. I just dont know if it would be too late to follow up with the CSA? Also as I am not on any benefits do they still help?

I am sorry for the long post. I just want to know what the chances of anything happening with the CSA are after all this time is.

Gigglepig

I cannot advise on CSA, but it sounds like at least trying may give you some closure, and if it worked out it may provide a nice nest egg for your son.

The CSA has a page on non-payment: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ChildMaintenance/IfyourealreadyusingtheChildSupportAgency/DG_199070

National helpline: 08457 133 133
Other contact details: https://www2.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/contact/index.asp

JustinCredibleGillespie

I think your best bet would be to just forget about it. You'll never get any money from your ex and you have a very happy life and your financially secure.

The CSA would have get records of any tax that your ex paid for the last 11 years and then calculate what it would be worth to you (probably not very much as he may have been getting ''cash in hand'' for some of his work) , however he could still just say no I cannot afford to pay. It opening a can of worms unnessarily. Listen to your husband

All the Best

JCG

xx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Ironically, I got a letter from the CSA completely out of the blue last year. They had finally forced my ex to pay them the money he had avoided for the past 17 years and would I like my share of the money paid directly into a bank account?

It came in handy.

And the irony of the situation? DD had just thrown a hissy fit because I wouldn't let her boyfriend move in at the age of 16 into a room she shared with her 11 year old sister and stomped off to live with the ex just a couple of weeks previously.


So they can catch up with them eventually.

peachyprice

Would you be happy for your ex to become a part of your son's life?

BitterAndTwisted

Why bother with the emotional complications which might ensue? You don't need the money ergo your child doesn't either. Your child probably doesn't need some stranger coming back and wanting contact in exchange for the payments he may be forced to make.

If the CSA decide to pursue him, let them, perhaps they have already but he's not got any to pay hem with: some people don't find it difficult to hide part of their incomes if it suits them, but I wouldn't chase it up, Nosirreebob

bagginslover

I see this a little differently...sure the OP doesn't need the money, but why should her sons father get away with not paying towards his own child? The paying of maintanance, and access are 2 very different issues, he doesn't have to be granted access just because he is paying maintainance.

I beleive you should follow it up. But do discuss it fully with your husband first, last thing you want is to chase the ex only to leave your (wonderful sounding) husband behind

January20

Why open this can of worms just because you feel he should pay? Yes he should have paid, but chances are you will not get any money, or not as much as you expect and you may regret your actions bitterly. It sounds like you and your son have a happy life now. Why risk ruining that for money that you obviously don't need. Let it go. You and your husband are the bigger persons for giving your son a happy life.

CATS

Hi All,

Thank you all for your replies. Jojo the tightfisted, wow after 17 years!!!!! the CSA are slow

peachyprice, no I wouldn't want him near my son, also I dont see how he could possibly want to see him now, my son is all grown and he doesnt know my ex at all. I dont think he could become part of his life now

I guess this is what I have been fighting over in my mind, leave it alone as I dont need his money, but at the same time I think he has got off lightly, he moved on to be able to get on with his life without any responsibility at all. I was thinking about the future for my son, me and his stepdad put money towards saving for his future and all the child benefit goes into a bank account for when he is older also, why should his biological dad not contribute towards this, surely 4 sources of savings have got to be better. But I think you are also right, not much point in pushing the issue and opening a can of worms.

Maybe the same thing will happen as with Jojo the tight fisted - that would be a good 18 birthday present for my son

CH27

Let sleeping dog lie.

peachyprice

CATS wrote: »

peachyprice, no I wouldn't want him near my son, also I dont see how he could possibly want to see him now, my son is all grown and he doesnt know my ex at all. I dont think he could become part of his life now

Then I don't think you should pursue this. It's all very well saying access and maintenance are two different things, but if you pursue this there's nothing to stop your ex applying for access, turning your world and your son's world upside down. IMO, it's just not worth doing that to your son.