Mother Issues

VikkiiKawaii

Hi,

Sorry, this is ridiculously long and complicated but I really could do with some advice.
My parents have split up recently and I'm living with my mum, consequently I'm expected to take on a lot more responsability than usual which I don't mind. The problem is, she keeps leaving me with my younger siblings, 7 and 12 for a couple of hours but I'm not allowed to disipline them in any way, even if they're throwing strops and refusing to do what they're told or act like reasonable human beings. This makes it incredibly hard to look after them safely or keep any order at all.
On top of this, she herself has not really disiplined them for anything since my Dad left about a month ago, which means they are even worse behaved than usual.
Since my Dad left, my Mum has consistantly said that she will not be seeing him and that he will not be coming back to the house but despite this he is almost constantly here. My and my 12 year old sibling both know the full story of why they are no longer together and do not want him in the house however my Mum keeps choosing to ignore our feelings and allows him in because the 7 year old wants to see him, although me and my 12 year old sibling have said several times that we don't want to see him and don't understand why he can't pick him up and take him out as it's not as if my Dad even bothers to speak to me or my other sibling at all and just spends all his time upstairs.
Things are complicated by the fact I'm 26 weeks pregnant and although my Mum has said that I can stay living with her (I'm 17) she keeps making little comments suggesting that she would rather I was gone which I find hurtful as I would prefer it if she was just straight with me. I feel like at the moment she is trying to act like a good mother in front of the Teen Midwife and the head of 6th form saying she doesn't mind me staying but does not really mean it and would rather I just left. She keeps mentioning Priority Youth Housing and staying with my Dad and 'if I was older she would tell me to get my own place'.
I find the way she keeps suggesting I stay with my Dad particularly hurtful as I have made it clear I have no intention of staying with him as apart from the reason him and my Mum split up, I also have never had a particularly good relationship with him for reasons I would rather not go into.
I know I have not made things easy on her, especially considering after an argument with his Father my 18 year old boyfriend moved in, originally on a temporary basis. My Mum has said several times that this is fine with her and when my Dad left that he could stay on a permanant basis. Me and him both try to help around the house, doing washing, cooking for the family and looking after my siblings whenever she decides she wants to go out, often on little notice.
Earlier today, my Mum came upstairs and started shouting at me about how I 'throw my weight around' with my siblings, am 'selfish' and indirectly suggested it's my fault that my Dad had an affair as 'I caused a stressful time over the summer'.

I would prefer it if there were no derrogitory comments towards teenage mothers on this thread as it would be unhelpful. From what I've seen the people on this forum have been helpful and supportive and I would like your honest opinion about what to do.

DUTR

I have read your post, when I was 16, I went out with a girl who had a 6 month old child, she was 17, was with her nearly 8 years, the child now a woman is an anethatist, so some single Mums do well, I will run now before the DUTR haters arrive.

angelil

If I were you I would move out anyway as it doesn't really sound like a pleasant environment for your impending arrival. Best of luck whatever you decide.

Emmzi

I too think you should be having a discussion about moving out. Do you have a social worker?

j.e.j.

It sounds like a bit of straight-talking with your mum is needed. If she won't discipline the youngsters, nor allow you to correct them, then tell her she can't complain if they're running riot.

Are you and BF happy living there? Can your mum support you in applying for housing, if that's what you want.

It sounds like you might be better off in a place of your own and letting your parents get on with it, tbh, sorry!

madison-nyc

DUTR wrote: »

I have read your post, when I was 16, I went out with a girl who had a 6 month old child, she was 17, was with her nearly 8 years, the child now a woman is an anethatist, so some single Mums do well, I will run now before the DUTR haters arrive.

the op isn't a single mom? she talks about her boyfriend in her post.

OP , is moving out an option for you? sounds like it might be better for you if you could. so you can concentrate on your own growing family without your parents adding stress.

Blackpool_Saver

Hi, can you and your partner set up a home of your own ? It sounds as if breathing space would help. Edited to add, you are clearly articulate and intelligent, I hope you will be continuing your studies once the baby comes along.

BlueAngelCV

I think that your only real option here is to sit down with your Mum and try & have an adult discussion with her about the situation. It is obviously a high stress time for her and I imagine that she may be finding it difficult to copy but from your post the way that she is treating you seems very unfair.

Without first hand knowledge of the situation it is difficult to say whether this just a case of you both finding high stress situations (the divorce & pregnancy) difficult and there being misunderstandings as a result or whether she really does have a problem with you. I think that for your sake and the sake of your child you need to work this out now.

DUTR

madison-nyc wrote: »

the op isn't a single mom? she talks about her boyfriend in her post.

OP , is moving out an option for you? sounds like it might be better for you if you could. so you can concentrate on your own growing family without your parents adding stress.

Sorry , yes I meant young Mum's

BitterAndTwisted

This is very early days in your parent's separation. I'm not really surprised that she's behaving like a woman under extreme stress. She is one. Not only does she have her own children dependent upon her, she's got yet another young adult in the household to be responsible for. And now the prospect of a new baby to add onto all of those burdens. Please cut her some slack!

You and your young man should be making plans for being independent and responsible for yourselves. That's what becoming a parent means.

Blackpool_Saver

Yes I agree, think it would be best all round