Worst few weeks ever!

PeterJames123

Well what can I say, start of the month I am told that I am being made redundant and last night my wife tells me she is moving out with our 2 year old son. She does not love me ‘like that’ anymore and refuses any marriage guidance. The happiest moments in my life have been picking my son up every morning and tucking him at night and she just takes it all away. Could life get any worse? She may also decide to take my son to glasgow to start a new life as her parents live up north, can she do that? I need to see my son, this is killing me.

Caroline_a

If you aren't working, perhaps you could apply for residency? I always believe that if you hit rock bottom, the only way is upwards! (cliche'd I know....) Stay positive!

Hagar_uk

sorry to hear that I m currently feeling some of your pain I still have access (see him everyweek) but the simple things like not seeing them wake up in the morning are the hardest to take.

For advice I recommend you take a look on https://www.dads-uk.co.uk forum, there are lots of people in similar situation, but also people who have gone through the system, with good advice

If you have PR, you have just as much rights as the mother. people sometimes forget that. If you were hands on, you could try to discuss shared residency with her.

Taking her child away to Scotland away from their dad is wrong, if not legally, morally

PeterJames123 wrote: »

Well what can I say, start of the month I am told that I am being made redundant and last night my wife tells me she is moving out with our 2 year old son. She does not love me ‘like that’ anymore and refuses any marriage guidance. The happiest moments in my life have been picking my son up every morning and tucking him at night and she just takes it all away. Could life get any worse? She may also decide to take my son to glasgow to start a new life as her parents live up north, can she do that? I need to see my son, this is killing me.

harrys_nan

So sorry for you, I think you need to get legal advice ASAP.
I know relationships come to an end but to move your child THAT far away is cruel.
I know it would have broken my heart if my ex had taken my kids away.

CH27

What a nightmare for you.

You need to see a solicitor who specialises in Family Law asap.

NickyBat

Agree with the others, go and get proper legal advice.

Kay_Peel

This is very, very sad - but there is something you can do but you have to do it quickly, before she moves out with your child. Seek legal advice - yes, of course - but do something for the sake of your emotional health too.

I notice that you do not mention that you will grieve at the loss of the woman you married. You only mention the grief at the loss of your job and the possible loss of daily but brief encounters with your son. That's not a good sign. Does your wife feel that she is low on your list of priorities?

It's no use trying to persuade a person to seek couple's counselling when they are already planning their new life - you have to approach it in a totally different way. You have to look at your partnership, almost in a detached way, and that can be hard without a mediator/moderator/counsellor prompting you, keeping the peace and probing your answers dispassionately.

So here's what I did. I put the baby in a buggy and went for long walks. I asked myself some hard questions. What was it about me that my husband fell in love with - and how am I different today? How come my marriage imploded without me noticing that my husband was unhappy? What kind of a partner does my husband need and why am I unable to cater for those needs? If I didn't know the answer then I asked my husband. I said that I wanted to understand why he needed to leave the marriage but that I needed his help - and I put the puzzling question to him.

At first he was unable to talk openly about his unhappiness but he started to open up when he realised that I was sincere. I began to see that he needed someone who was not me and that I couldn't be the person that he needed me to be. It really helped me, but more than that it helped to build an understanding between us. I was in bits with grief but I would have been in a worse place without that insight. We had never talked so intensely and so deeply during those last few weeks before he moved out - and never have again.

Based on my own experience I would say - keep busy (clean the oven, clean the windows, go for walks) and take the opportunity to really understand why this has happened. if nothing else, it will help you in the future.

Good luck!

Tiddlywinks

Have things been bad for a while? Was your wife's news a shock or did you secretly know that something was amiss? Could her decision be related to your redundancy?

Maybe in a way losing your job will give you the freedom to move areas if you need to. Do you think your wife is missing her family and friends and that is why she is going? Would moving as a family be an option? Perhaps after a heart to heart, and if she is willing to give it another go, you could have a fresh start in a new area.

Will you get redundancy pay? Could you retrain in another work area that you've always fancied? Start planning a way forward based on the worst case scenario - and then anything else is a bonus.

Really good luck to you.

PeterJames123

First of all I would like to thank every person who replied to my post, you are all nothing but angels and I thank you again. My wife suffered from severe depression years ago and after me sitting down with her she let out her some real demons, we are off to the GP tomorrow to hopefully get things sorted. Thank you all again you gave me strength when I needed it the most.

jamespir

sorry to hear hope you can get things sorted good luck

NickyBat

I hope you manage to save your marriage and sort things out given time and patience, good luck and let us know how you get on.