I know what needs to be done - Partner refuses!

indebtinsussex

Hi

We were in exactly the same situation that you are in last April, we were living hand to mouth and didnt even have the money to be able to afford our son an icecream if we went to the beach and had been like that for a year because we were so deadset against going bankrupt. then my dh had an accident because he was exhausted from doing the hours, stressed beyond belief about the debt and NR doubling our payments and managed to scalp himself slightly, and still he was deadset against going br.

he agreed that I could phone up cccs and if they said that br was the option then he would consider it. we had 58 years worth of debt (on token payments) excluding the mortgage which was interest only o would have had to have that paid as well.

so I asked the lovely people here for their stories and then he read what people had said and agreed that it sounded possible. so we went br, handed back our keys to nr and moved to a new place which was less than the mortgage and never looked back.

It is difficult decision to make, but you dont have to tell people that your br if you dont want to, apart from our parents, only two friends know we were made br and they have been fine about it, they understand why we did it and it doesnt bother them at all. your name doesnt get put in the papers now.

point your wife to this board, everyone has been wonderful to me in the past and really supported us.

I wish you the best of luck x

A_Fresh_Start_3

It is an incredibly difficult decision to make. I was made bankrupt 20 days ago. Finally the shame has lifted, I am more relaxed, am sleeping better and I am much more confident about the future. My wife was worried, but the more we talked about it and the more she understood the better she felt about it (she has not gone BR and thankfully doesn't need to).

The more you talk to your wife about it (particularly discussing her worries and fears) the better for you both and your relationship.

Ineedaname

acox13 wrote: »

Can I ask something? Am I being naive? I want to be very clear and say I know BR isn't an easy option and I'm by no means taking it lightly. But am I being naive to think that in 2-3 years this could all be behind us and we could be living is a perfectly lovely rented house somewhere?

You're not being naive at all, have a read of some of Maizy's posts and this one today (post #23) and you'll see how much better things can be quite quickly.

I echo everyone else in that if you can get your wife to even just read this thread and see what others' experiences have been, it may help her start to come to terms with the idea. If she can register and voice her personal fears as well then members can help her work through them.

Chin up, you've made a start, your wife just needs a little more time and information to be braver enough to turn that corner, everyone's different.

wishingherlifeaway

Evening all,

Totally can empathise with you acox13. I was a bit like your wife in that I refused to even entertain the idea of BR and so hubby and I took on IVA. Have to say we are waiting on the annual review for that to see how it shall proceed but I agree with comments on here about not being able to buy the smallest things as money is literally stretched from payday to payday. My daughter missed 2 weeks in a row at her youth club because I couldn't afford the £1 entry!! How ridiculous is that? I felt so ashamed as to the outside world we appear to be a family who have it all....little do they know the IVA payments have stopped us losing the house and the car but for how long is anybody's guess.

I have been reading comments on this site (excellent source of info and support) and am at the stage you are at. We're paying a mortgage that has been extended in years and realistically I will have to continue working til pension age to pay it off which means I will have been paying a mortgage for 40 years......this is all assuming I will still have a job etc etc so at the end of the day there is NO certainty I will ever own my house so I think I should go BR. It is not an easy choice for all types of reasons but I think at the end of the day sanity must prevail and in my case and in yours too by the sounds of it, the pros definitley outweigh the cons here in choosing BR.

You DO need your wife onside though but it may take time for her to fully accept it. Its taken me 2 years and I am coming round to the prospect of BR and I think if your wife and you make yourself BR rather than waiting to be made BR by a creditor then you would have some control over the situation mentally.

I wish you both well, maybe you and I will be in the December 2011 BR club! From what I gather life can pick up after BR and there is light at the end of the tunnel, if your wife reads these posts she'll see that too in time.

skintandfat

I am about to go BR after 2 years of struggling with token payments
I had decided it was the only way after talkin to 2 different IP's who said that BR was the only option

It writes off 40k of my debt and leaves the missus with 5k in her name - she isn't going BR and we will keep token payments, we will deal with that later on when the BR is finished in 12 months. Things may pick up then (eternal optimist)

It was after the IP said to the missus to go BR that she came around, we own our home but can affoard mortgage payments and the mortgage is upto date. The house almost in negative equity (around 4k of equity at best guess, divided by 50% as the missus won't go BR)

It has been a hard decision and I will wait and see what happens