I know what needs to be done - Partner refuses!

acox13

Hi everyone,

I wanted to post on here because frankly, I need someone to tell me I'm not being stupid!

My circumstances are as follows:

• Jointly, my partner and I have £44,000 worth of unsecured debt over 9 creditors.
  
• We have approximately £25,000 worth of negative equity in our house.
  
• We are £3,500 in arrears on the mortgage
  
• Until last week, we were only paying Interest only on the mortgage
  

We had been in touch with CCCS and were in the very final stages of setting up an IVA to repay 22p in the £1 to our creditors.

Literally on the day we were going to sign and return our papers to CCCS, we received a letter from our mortgage lender stating they had reviewed our circumstances and were no longer prepared to accept an Interest Only payment and that we had to pay a full capital and Interest repayment plus a small token extra payment to contribute towards the arrears.

They would agree to a Suspended Possession Order (being rubber stamped in Court on Dec 12th) providing I can make these payments (£280 more than our previous payment).

Failure to do so would result in Repossession.

I have since contacted CCCS and their advice is Bankruptcy.

After months of debt collectors letters and phone calls (to home and work), and after the gut wrenching feeling of being "almost there" with the IVA only for it to be taken away at the last minute, I'm ready for the hardships that come with Bankruptcy. I'm ready to hand the keys back to the lender, and go bankrupt!

However, my partner just WILL NOT entertain the possibility. Pride, fear, embarrassment, she just will not go for it.

Our budget now is literally stretched to it's limit. And this isn't the CCCS budget allowing for haircuts and meals at work and "entertainment". This budget is literally bills, food, petrol. That's it. It has had to be that to meet the required payments. And we have 2 pre-school age children.

We both already work 2 jobs, I am on anti depressants and have been for 4 months. We've both had verbal warnings at work because our performance hasn't been up to scratch due to stress and making errors.

I'm certain that we will HAVE to do it in the future because our budget will not stand anymore increases (interest rate increase for instance). But we could spend £1000's before that date and that money could be used to pay for a bankruptcy application, contribution towards the debt over the 12 months, and Bond, etc on a rented property.

Please, someone tell me it's our only option! Because I'm ready to pack the whole lot in!

tigerfeet2006

Hi and welcome

CCCS will not say the B word lightly. If they have said BR is your best option then it is safe to say it is. TBH I am surprised you got your creditors to agree to such a low payback on an IVA.

Try and get your OH to post on here and let us talk to her about her worries and the things that are scaring her. Maybe talking to ordinary people who have or are going through the process will help her.

acox13

Thank you tigerfeet2006.

I'll do my best to get her to post on here. I think she sees it as giving up, and hates the idea of someone going through our personal affairs and property with a fine tooth comb. And also she worried about how her parents will react.

As an aside, the IVA was going through because more than 75% of the debt was to one lender, so it made things a bit more straight forward is getting it pushed through.

cavalady

Hi acox13,

Just want you to know you're not alone. My husband is similar to your wife but after being shown just how much better life could be and that we will NEVER own the house, regardless of being 'homeowners', he's seeing the light much quicker than I thought he would. He's not quite ready though, understandably, so we're fighting our repossession order (hearing 13th December) to give ourselves a few months grace to sort things out before going BR.

Out of interest, who is your mortgage lender? Just wondering if NRAM are having a purge.

tigerfeet2006

She doesn't have to tell her parents if she doesn't want to. Who she tells is up to her, it is no one elses business. FWIW when my DB went BR he told my parents who are as straight laced as they come and they were very supportive through out the whole thing. When I told them I may be going BR after a failed business they were just as supportive.

No matter how she may hate it, it is a job that has to be done and to the OR ti is a job. They will not judge they are there to establish how you came to be in this position.

Ask her how she would feel if you had to turn up on her parents doorstep with just the posesions you could carry because you had been evicted from your property. Believe me having been in that situation it is not nice. Then having to spend 10 months in a B&B with children while you wait to be housed ain't a barrel of laughs.

Understood on the IVA.

Please encourage her to post. We will answer any questions and try to be supportive.

Mrs acox13 please talk to us, we will try and help and support you through this very difficult time. Please don't bury your head in the sand. You can turn this situation around and have a life for you and your children. Please, please sign up here with your own account and talk.

acox13

Hi Cavalady,

I really does help to know others are going through the same.

The big difference between me and my other half is I tend to look further into the future when it comes to finances (or at least I do now, I wish more than I've ever wished for anything, that I would've been this way a few years ago!)

She see's that we might struggle to payday by selling old kids toys for £20 from the loft, but I look at the fact that at the current rate, it will take 58 years to pay off our debt. Without wanting to put too finer point on it, I'll be dead long before then!

We too have a hearing in December. And out of fear of what NRAM (there you go.....) told me on the phone, I agreed to the payment and have indeed made the first of those payments just yesterday.

Can I ask something? Am I being naive? I want to be very clear and say I know BR isn't an easy option and I'm by no means taking it lightly. But am I being naive to think that in 2-3 years this could all be behind us and we could be living is a perfectly lovely rented house somewhere?

My only worry is handing the house over to NRAM and then not being able to rent anywhere where I feel my family will be happy.

acox13

Tigerfeet! You just made me start to blummin well up at my desk! (in a nice way!) Just had to leave the office

Thank you so much. I'm going to try and get her to post on here, I'm convinced it will help!

NeverAgain_2

If you went bankrupt first, your wife could see the process is not as bad as she may fear.

The creditors would then chase her for all the joint debts, but that wouldn't matter if the intervening period was only a few weeks.

Of course, the result for both of you would be the same, almost certain loss of your house.

But your wife would be able to see the positive effect on you of being debt free, which might encourage her to take the same path.

singingsister

acox13 wrote: »

Thank you tigerfeet2006.

I'll do my best to get her to post on here. I think she sees it as giving up, and hates the idea of someone going through our personal affairs and property with a fine tooth comb. And also she worried about how her parents will react.

As an aside, the IVA was going through because more than 75% of the debt was to one lender, so it made things a bit more straight forward is getting it pushed through.

I was exactly like your wife. Dead against the idea but with all the research I've done, speaking to people and most importantly coming on here to have my fears allayed I've come round.

In fact we have our court appointment on Monday.

I also finally told my dad last night - I'm close to my mum and sister so told them (needed to so they could babysit our 1 year old daughter when necessary so we could go to appointments etc) but I'm not close to my dad and was worried how he would react. In fact it was fine and he was ok with it. Obviously upset at his "little" daughter having to go backrupt - and knowing there's nothing he can do to help (can't afford to financially) but knows we've researched it well and we have no other choice.

Like other posters have said, you only tell who you want to tell. We've told a small group of very close friends as I need to have people not in my situation I can sound off against but also aren't your friends meant to be there in time of need?

Please get your wife to come on here. If she doesn't want to post at first and just read that's fine too. It's what I did.

But honestly, acceptance is the hardest bit. Once you've accepted it's the only way forward you can start moving forward.

Sarah

acox13

NeverAgain: Thank you, that isn't something I'd considered up to now, but has given me food for thought, thank you.

Sarah: Wow! On Monday! Good luck. And thank you as well for the post. I think she's exactly the same (just with her mum and dad the other way around). She very close to her dad and I know he would understand. Her mum on the other hand maybe a different matter!

My parents are fully aware of the situation and even suggested BR to me. My mum is 3 years out of an IVA herself, so understands. I think she might underestimate peoples understanding of the subject.

JustinCredibleGillespie

In years to come I think BR is going to be the new IVA. There isn't (as much) of a stigma attached to it as we all once thought and you guy's are hearing it from the horses mouth.

Everything on this site is all down to our individual experiences and there are also threads with the title ''LIFE AFTER BANKRUPTCY'' which is a huge help and people can again, in time, own their home. I hope to do so. I'm one of the young pups (25, soon to be 26 on Saturday:eek:) I was so scared & nervous as I didnt know what to expect and I honestly don't know why I got myself all worked up. Research is key and we all would be lost without the people, the knowledge and the experiences we've read on this forum.

JCG

xx