Teenage depression

Sharra

Hi
I'm hoping to get some advice from the collective wisdom on here

My son is 17 and about 6 weeks ago the Dr put him on antidepressants. He was just sitting in his room, not talking, not showering, not going to school etc etc, was really bad. The medication has now kicked in and he is starting to come back to us - his usual arrogant, argumentative attitude has resurfaced.

But i'm really not sure how to handle things at the moment. He is still just wanting to sit in his bedroom all the time, reading fan fiction on the internet. Asking him to do anything is a real battle, even something as simple as take a shower is met with either attitude or he 'forgets' and goes back to sleep.

We have been working with his school and they have actually been really great. he feels he can't cope with crowds of people at the moment so he is just going into the lessons for one of his subjects at the moment (he's in year 13 studying 4 A levels). But he hasn't managed to stay for a whole lesson yet, he says he feels he has to leave.

I've had issues myself with anxiety in the past so I do understand how he could be feeling, but also im concerned that he's not really making an effort - why would he want to be at school if he can be at home? he already seems to have resigned himself to repeating this school year.

He has been referred for some CBT (under protest from him so im not sure how useful it will be).

He is one of these kids who is super intelligent intellectually, but very emotionally immature, and aspergers has been queried with him.

I guess it would be really helpful to hear from anyone who's had a teenager go through this, i could really do with some strategies for getting him out and about again, without starting world war 3 in the house.

Many thanks

Sharra
x

raven83

Big ((((((Hugs)))))

Didnt want to read and run, i suffered teenage depression and know someone else that suffers from it now, i think maybe it will be an idea to try and get him out by maybe doing something he likes doing or a hobby etc or maybe invite some of his mates round to see him, he is at a funny age so makes it a bit more tricky. I think it is always alot harder when a boy suffers with depression especially at that age than a girl as boys are meant to be the stronger ones emotionally and not as scared of things as girls. I would say on a positive note at least he wants to repeat the year and hasnt dropped out of school all together as he could do as he is perfectly within his rights to so, i would hold onto that and try and give him encourgmeant.

meritaten

depression is depression hun, at any age. what are his mental health team doing? you say he is on anti depressants, but, he needs more than that. is he getting counselling one to one, group counselling? anything? if its just his GP and giving him anti-depressants I would say he is not being supported properly. because six weeks and he still wont shower, wants to sleep all the time, or doesnt want to come out of his room and cannot stay in class is NOT acceptable. I would go back to his GP and say the anti depressants are not helping - he needs to be referred to a psychiatrist ASAP.

marywooyeah

hi OP firstly well done for being so supportive of your son, it must be very difficult to watch him go through that.

I suffered a lot of physical and sexual abuse until I was 12, and when I reached 14 I had very bad depression trying to deal with it all and was hospitalised after a failed suicide attempt. My mum kept trying to get me to go on anti depressants and see a Mental Health team, but all I saw was the words "Mental Health" and thought "I'm not mad I don't need those kinds of people poking their noses in". Maybe that is how your son feels regarding the anti depressants and the CBT.

I just wanted to be in my room alone watching films and playing playstation - much as your son wants to be on the internet alone. He's moping around cos he feels lethargic and apathetic, he probably feels safe in his room - much like a little bubble shielded from the outside world. I eventually saw a counsellor, this to me seemed like someone to talk to rather than someone who was analysing my every move (as I saw the MH team as people who would lock me up somewhere if I said how I really felt/told them what had happened) - this helped me and maybe it would help your son to start at a lower level of help, might seem a bit less daunting to him.

I don't mean to make assumptions so please tell me if I'm on the wrong track, just having been a very depressed teenager myself I remember seeing people (who I now realise were trying to help) as people I needed to shy away from, and the thought of any MH involvement was very aversive to me.

Are there any forums which help with teenage depression - if he likes the internet it might help him to go on one of those to talk to likeminded others.

BEAR

www. ( had to leave space as new user )
familylives.org.uk/forums/got-teenager

you will find lots of info on here and very supportive members

hope it helps

sock-knitter

one of my 16 year old sons is depressed, has dropped out of school altogether, drinks, smokes, and dabbles in drugs.
be proud of your son, at least he is going to school occaisionally and is planning on re doing this year, so it is a positive, and while he is in his room, he is not mixing with the wrong crowd

and before anyone slates me for being a bad mum, because of my son, his identical twin brother is at college, and is getting on with life, has friends etc,. both lads had the same upbringing and i am there for both of them, despite not likeing what one is doing with his life right now

Lady_Aga

Improve his diet drastically. Look up superfoods and cook a variety of fresh foods daily.
No junk food. He can still have burgers, pizza and chips, but they should be home-made.

A walk in the fresh air every day if an absolute must. No headphones, just a nice half hour walk through the park/local wood/country park.

No electronic gadgets after 9pm. Establish a proper winding-down night-time routine. Yes, the lavender baths and horlicks are back. If he is playing the pov shooter games for hours on end then he should stop. These can cause negative thougths and disturbed sleep.

All of the above are proven to improve/stabilise moods. The medication and counselling continues without saying.

littlerat

I've recently turned 20 and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a little over 2 years ago.

It's quite hard to say what needs doing without knowing the severity - had I tried to continue college I'd have had a breakdown (actually I pretty much did to be honest), but if he can keep going then it will help if he can cope with it. Doing more than he can cope with is not a good thing. As to repeating - it does seem a little early to resign himself to that but he is better off accepting that if it's likely, than pushing himself and ending up worse.

The things mentioned like a wind down routine, no electronic gadgets - he's 17, he's an adult, so don't force him. Actually I'd say forcing him to do anything is a bad idea, encouragement and suggestions are good but trying to treat him like a 12 year old is not. Actually, I have no idea why you'd be telling a 17 year old when he has to have a shower at all. He's old enough to make those kind of decisions for himself. And I can say from personal experience that obeying and doing things because you're told only gives the appearance of being better, it doesn't mean you are.


The CBT will hopefully help but it's scary admitting you actually need outside help - and like most of his getting better, it will only happen when he accepts he needs to do things rather than being pushed. It's unfortunate but there's very little anyone else can do to make him better - it's something he has to work at. If he's still trying to go to school (and if he wasn't trying hard enough, he'd not go at all - I don't mean to sound harsh but PLEASE don't suggest to him that he's just not trying hard enough, those sorts of comments will make him worse) then he's obviously not given up on life and school.


But at the end of the day, he's only been on the medication for 6 weeks - I was warned that it can take something like 3 months to be fully benefitting from it.


Sorry I can't give much advice but I think to some extent,you have to just be supportive.

princeofpounds

Have you tried contacting some of the advice-giving charities (isn't Mind one of the big ones)? They can probably help in particular with navigating the system to get support.

Not much more I can tell you, but I will say that many of the tips that Lady Aga is giving regarding exercise, food and so on are dead on the money. The problem is that simply forcing such activity might be counterproductive as littlerat suggests, depends on his individual mindset. But the food I would imagine you can make a start with, at least.

Removing the internet for parts of the day might help too. It can be very corrosive to already introverted people. But again it will depend on his mindset. For some people the bedroom will just become boring and they start to do more productive things, but not always. Not suggesting you do it now, just pointing out there might be more steps you can take in conjunction with a proper treatment program.

Sharra

Thanks very much for all the supportive replies, there's a lot there I can take on board.

Sharra
x

littlerat

On the internet thought - this may sound odd but how about suggesting he finds forums related to any hobbies he has?

Talking to people online is better than not at all - assuming he's not particularly impressionable as there are idiots. But, they exist offline too.

I've made friends off small forums related to hobbies - some close by.