What should I do?? Please don't judge

gratefulforhelp_2

Don't have much of value to add to the above. You're doing nothing I would describe as wrong, but you may not be giving yourself all you deserve.

Age gap is nothing. Maybe the financial gap is an issue?

globetraveller

It started as something both convenient for the two of you. Its not convenient to you now as you are spending time stressing over it. He has told you that you are too young. He may also associate you with unhappy times- because he still loves his wife and he would have been hurting when he started your arrangement. I think you could agonise for long enough and then he will find someone his own age to start a proper relationship with. At that point you will be devastated.
Time to tell him its over- tell him you both want different things. Make sure you don't cave in at the first chance. If he does love you, he will have space to realise this. But then, if you walk away from it, perhaps YOU will find that it was the best move.

betsie

I think that you maybe need to spell things out to him more clearly. Tell him how you feel, how you would like to try haing a relationship, that you are not worried about that age gap (who knows what is going to happen I know lots of people in their 40's who have died so there is nothing to say he won't outlive you), that whats the worse thats going to happen - it doesn't work and you both move on. At least you have tried and won't then have the what if scenario playing in your head.
Tell him how you really feel and then leave him to think it over for a week or 2.
You obviously need to decide in advance what to do if he says no to a relationship. I would say you should probably move on at this point to give yourself a chance to meet someone else who can give you the kind of relationship you want.

prettykitty

Thanks everyone, you are right in that I should be honest and if it's a no, move on. I haven't had a good relationship history and I don't want to set myself up for more heartbreak, although I always seem to do it!

Perhaps I am overthinking his affectionate behaviour. It's not like he has promised anything, in fact quite the opposite.

I think that I will say to him that although it started off as a convenient arrangement, it is doing nothing for my self-esteem and I need to stop it for my own good. I have no problem admitting to him that I would like something more "official" and there are plenty of good reasons why it could be good for us both, but there's obviously an overriding objection in his mind and continuing to sleep with him is not going to change that. It means that I am settling for half a relationship when I deserve a whole one.

I will definitely put some space between us for a decent time, or it would be too easy to fall back on him.