DV advice for a male friend please

mrs_sparrow

Can someone please tell me where men can go to get help for DV please. There seems to be lots of places that give help to women but not men.

I really think the sticky should be changed to include information for men too, it is not just women that are abused in a relationship.

There are children involved and they own a house together. She has made it clear she does not want custody of the children but so far refuses to leave the home. I want to offer him some help.

While it has mainly been emotional and physical, today he called me as she had punched him and I said it needs to stop now (however, he refused to press charges as she was 'sorry'). I think he has had his lightbulb, I have told him to call the police DV people but please can you advise what he can do now, I am not sure if there is anyone there until Monday. Help please.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If you read the second post in the sticky, it gives advice for men.

elsien

Doing a quick google, there are helplines for men but they seem to be pretty much monday to friday, however there is a booklet he can download that may help.
http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/mens_advice.php

If he feels unsafe before then, then he really needs to call the police out to her.

meritaten

I know that it is much harder for men to call the police in for Domestic Violence - but he needs to. He needs it on record, he needs it for the court in case she changes her mind about custody and he needs it to get her out!
The Domestic Violence unit will be trained to deal with MEN in this situation - and it isnt as unusual as your friend thinks.

mrs_sparrow

Thank you, I've just skim read the sticky - someone needs to change the title I assumed there would be no info for men. I have some numbers, thank you. I get worried about texting them over in case she has his phone.

Their is a guide on the local police website but you have to order and pay for it to be sent in the mail - how strange. Everything else is worded to be for women.

I hope he finds the strength to go to the police before he does something silly.

princessdreamer

He needs to take the children and get out abusers rarely just hit their partner.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

first off, encourage him to report it asap, its no good a few days after the fact, he must be prepared for social services to get involved, all reports of Domestic Violence are refured by the police to your local social services team for assessment its standard practice for the police to do so.

he must act swiftly after reporting it to the police and them taking the statement, he must been seen to be protecting his childrens welfare, if he continues to allow the woman back home to continue her acts of potential violence, the children maybe taken into temporary custody by social services if the children are young and will be a hard fight to get them back home.

for a man its soul braking to admit a female is doing/done this to them, shame and depression and personal feelings and pressure from the female to forgive and forget (until the next time) will be playing havoc on his mind. he will need encouragement support and strong will'd friends and family there to support him in this, please if tell him if this happens again to call the police or at the very least TEXT you to call them for him if this happens again.

mrs_sparrow

Thank you for your messages.

He told me today that she went off after punching him and she came back all nice as pie and asked to go shopping and so he took her shopping. It is like this all the time, and it is hard when you can see it but they cannot.

I have told him it has to stop because each time he ignores what she has done, it gives her the green light to do it again and get away with it. I know and understand that it has to be be HIS desicion and not mine and I do understand that.

It was very odd listening to someone giving all the same excuses for her as I was giving for my abuser all those years ago - I started reeling them off for him. And I think that was when he realised. And I told him that walking away would make him stronger. I sent him to read the local police DV website for help and understanding and I'll give him the other information when I speak to him over the weekend.

Ames

Oh hugs, I don't have any advice, but I grew up witnessing DV from mum towards dad, it's a really horrible situation.

I'd hoped that things had improved in the 12 years since my parents split up due to it, but it doesn't sound like it has much.