Behavioural difficulties help - long!!!!

Lizzieb151

Hi there, I need some advice on my ds who is 13.

My son has always a been difficult child and I often dispare with him. But this is nothing new untill recently - my son accused my husband of assult so now we are involved with the social services. He was not assulted and did eventually admit 3 weeks later that he had not been truthful when dealing with ss and the police. Now before anyone says anything this did not come out of the blue - I had a row with my ds about wearing dirty clothes to school and he was upset when my husband intervened. But the consequence of his actions have caused us all a lot of stress. My husband was made to leave the home for 4 weeks, was arrested and released without charge. I had to have supervision with all my children and deal with a social worker who took an immediate dislike to us. The children are on the at risk register while a report is being done.

Because of this there have been many meetings with the schools and HV, nurses and ss. I have 3 children ds 13, dd 5 and dd 11 months.

Now this is where discussions are made regarding my son, he had fallen behind at school. He main issues are not finishing tasks in class, not doing homework (doesn't even get logged let alone brought home), walking around in class when he should be sat down, excessive talking, argumentative with teachers or answering back and calling out in class. His handwriting/presentation is appalling although he can tell you what he learnt in school, he often doesn't listen to the teacher.

Now he has always been like this at all schools since he was about 3. He has a very short fuse, is easily aggrevated, has terrible temper tantrums, agrrevates others, couldn't cope with team games, takes no responsibility for anything and has no idea of consequences. Has previously been to anger mangement counselling and then discharge when he became unresponsive.

I am wondering if these are behaviours issues like ADHD or something. I quite annoyed as although I brought up all his school issues up before only now because of ss are they actually looking at him. They have decided to do a SENCO assessment of him but I don't know when or how this would be done. I am assuming that it would be need to be done for our next SS conference in 3 weeks. Who should I ask for an assessment to be done?
He has been accepted back on the counselling courses but I am waiting for the appointment to come through.

Because of these meetings also they said my DD is also showing signs of difficult behaviour at school. They have however suggested that in the new year if she hasn't improved to get outreaches services for her but she isn't my problem at home. They want her checked for ODD as she is very defiant is class.

Sorry to ramble on but I am at my wits end with my son. The temper tantrums at home has lessened as we appointed a family mediater to set new rules in place for the ss. So we have removed all areas of conflict within the home but now the school are at me and he is getting detentions all the time - I just want to know why he does it

How would I go about getting pyschological assessments done on him?

Any help greatly received.

magenta22

I think you would be best to speak with a Dr and ask for a referral.

Perhaps the Social Worker could arrange something?

Darlyd

Go to the gp get him referred to CAHMS for an assessment. (DD sees psychiatrist, who reckons she has adhd)

School should also refer him to CAF/YISP.

Am going through same as you. We have our big meeting next week, with social worker (who is lovely), woman from CAFF, senco, educational psychologist and I am hoping a rep from CAHMS too.

Good luck hun x

McKneff

I have to say this, and Im not being judgemental, but all the focus is pointing at send the children here, there, etc. It seem that its them that needs 'sorting out'

It is never, never all the childs fault.

Families should receive the therapy or whatever they call it these days.

flutterby_lil

Just wanted to wish you all the best.

I think you may need to look at the reasons he said this about your DH. Does he normally get on with him? There seems to be an underlying problem here. Does he see his Dad? Are the youngest two your DH's? Does your eldest maybe seem left out?

Sorry for all the q's, you don't need to answer them all, just food for thought.

MOLLYBRUSH

Sounds almost exactly the same as my son who is 14 and behaving in a way that defies belief at times. He has ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia. His medication does improve it. I went to doctor and was referred to camhs. Then his school and you and son will have to fill in some forms. Please do not blame yourself as ADHD is a dysfunction of the brain, a physiological condition. Anybody implying otherwise has no awareness. :mad: Read as much as you can about it and be prepared to stand your ground with the doubters. Good Luck. x

NeverEnough

I'm so sorry that SS, the school system and everyone else has failed you and your family until now. First port of call should have been your GP, really, who should refer to CAMHS for a full assessment. Social workers can be the most awful, destructive creatures on earth - sounds as if your local ss have wrought havoc on your family entirely based on your DS allegations which he has admitted were a pack of lies. This country is really screwed up! I'm a mental health professional, but deal with general adult psychiatry and learning disabled people - your DS really needs to see a Child Psychiatrist for a full assessment asap, referral for your other little one sounds as though it would be a good idea too. Family work may be indicated depending on the outcome of the assessment. Best of luck, a nasty social worker is the last thing any of you need.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

it maybe helpfull to have SS on yourside, if you not happy with the social worker then you should realy ask to have another put on the case, in the meeting if all goes well with them ask to be put on the SUPPORT GROUP they will then issue your son a support worker wich is different to a social worker the support worker will work with you and your son to improve things and get the help he needs in school and at home, call a meeting with the school, ask about his behaviour in and out of class, ask about his learning abilities, if the teacher all comeback and say he sturggles then the school has a duty to find out why and implement a IEP (indevidual education plan) in the mean time, also refure him to the school educational psycologist, do you have his past school reports, reading those one after another may give you some insight into how he gets along at school, and the consistancy of it all. call the doctors, get them to refure him to whoever they need to to get him asessed. its a long haul slugg and alot of meeting and alot of apointments but at then end of it he and you will get the support you ALL need.

Lizzieb151

Thanks for the replies, my ds has a great relationship with my husband, they have the same hobbies (fishing etc) and is treated no different to the other ones. The youngest 2 are my husbands. My son doesn't see his other Dad and hasn't for a long time. This was his Dad's decision Occassionally a facebook message but that's about it.

The incident happened 3 days after we got married and it had been an exhasting weekend.

We are currently on our 5th social worker! The first lot from the refferal team were horrible and told me they didn't trust me and were only concerned with what my ds said. The second lot were the assessment team and have been fine to date but are agency workers so we meet once then have a new one and have to start all over again.

In response to one comment below - we have had family counselling before and the social workers have agreed that we have done everything neccessary to make changes that are beneficial to the children.

But ds cannot keep going on like this - something needs to be done.