Send teenager 400 miles to Oxbridge interview by herself ?

tea_lover

I think you've made the right choice, and showing that you have that faith in her will give her a real boost - might make all the difference in the interview.

Best of luck to her.

miamoo

She is definately old enough. My son joined the army when he was 16 x

bylromarha

My mum couldn't afford coming with me either to most of my interviews - remember I did Exeter all alone having just turned 17 - that was the longest one, 2 train changes (one across central london), then back again the same day. Did 3 others alone too on trains travelling from south coast to the midlands.

Mum made herself save frantically for my cambridge interview - it was cheaper for her to hire a car for the day and drive me than to pay for a cambridge hotel to ensure I was there for my 10am interview. She was more nervous and fretful than me and put more pressure on me on the day by flapping and being all "la dee da - hoity toity" ish about cambridge uni. Besides driving, the only other positive thing about her being there was pointing out I'd tucked my skirt into my knickers after a loo stop.

In 1993 for my interviews, we had no internet to look up street view. Addresses and routes had to be found by going to the library to look at a map from another part of the country. Train times, you had to go to the train station to book the advance ticket and hope that the information they gave you about times, connections, platforms was correct. With so much information about today, she'll be fine. Can she read a departure board? Can she find an information office at a station? I'm certain the answer to both of these is yes...so she'll enjoy the journey.

Lunar_Eclipse

I would base my decision on how confident she felt about going by herself.

My initial thought was that I would want to go with my daughter. There is no shame in saying you want moral support. I was an independent teenager (went off to university interviews alone) but to be honest, life's not a point scoring exercise and I wish I had felt able to ask my parents to support me more (in ways like this) and perhaps accepted more help at such a young age.

An Oxford/Cambridge interview is a BIG deal. I would want to do all I could to help her do her best and I'm quite sure I would be going too, in your shoes.

I'm also a little concerned about your reference to not being able to afford the extra cost of you going too (£100?) Is the plan that she completely self finances her university education? I guess that's quite common these days and what loans/jobs are for.

Savvy_Sue

cannyscot wrote: »

I just worry that we reduce her chances of getting in by her being agitated/nervous/unsure by the time she gets there.

Well, it'll go one way or the other won't it? Either she gets in, or she doesn't. And from my pov, it was useful to be able to offer a possible reason for why mine hadn't got in! Although nerves didn't come into it ...

January20 wrote: »

My goodness you lot are harsh! :rotfl:

When my dd went to interviews for university last year, I went with her because in 2 cases, the easiest way was to drive and in the third instance it was an overnight stay in a hotel. She is independent but she was nervous and having me there was a steadying influence. A lot of other students had travelled with one parent too, or were with friends. I would say at least about 50%.

Going to a uni interview with your child doesn't mean that they are not independent, that they cannot do anything for themselves and certainly not that they will not be able to hack going to uni when the time comes (what a silly thing to say really!), it's simply, if you can, giving them moral support!

Well, I ferried DS1 to all of his open days / interviews, because I could. In one case I took a car load of him and his friends, but didn't go near the Uni myself. In another I took him most of the way there, to his grandma's, and then he got the bus (an hour's ride) there and back.

For some reason DS2's interviews were more difficult for me, so he went on his own, including to Cambridge. Train to London, cross London on the tube, train to Cambridge, find college etc etc etc. This is the child who couldn't find his way to his Dad's place of work a year beforehand, even though he'd walked there 'en famille' many times! But he made it!

And we only took DS3 to one interview, because getting the train meant a hideous journey. That's the only one DH came along to, and he was shocked at how hard they were trying to sell the place to US!

So, is one of them more or less competent than any of the others? no, they're all doing fine, and while I still wouldn't necessarily trust DS2 to find his way out of a paper bag I can only conclude that he has MY sense of direction, while the other two have their Dad's. And I cope as an independent adult, more often than not.

cannyscot wrote: »

Oh bum -I have done it now! Booked the flights so we are stuck with the decision.

OK, decision made, stop worrying about it, put the confident face on, she'll be fine, she'll be fine, she'll be fine ...

cannyscot wrote: »

I know she wants to go to Cambridge but on the other hand if it isn't right for her it isn't right.

Does she know they'll all talk funny there? :rotfl:

I ask, because having moved to the SW from the SE when DS2 was 9, I asked if anyone had commented on his accent. "They think I'm Scottish." I could only conclude this was because he spoke English, but not as we know it.

property.advert

I left home at 16 and hitchhiked to the other end of the country. A year later I hitched abroad, hardly knowing the language.

You can get married and join the forces at 16 so why on earth you cannot go on a train or plane by yourself is beyond me.

mountainofdebt

Never going to talk to you lot again - you keep making me feel like a carp mum!

Didn't go with Junior to any of his open days / interviews - although he had no where near the distance to travel as the OP's daughter but if he had I still don't think I would have gone - loosening the apron strings is a hard job but it has to be done I guess otherwise we're failing in our job!

Having said that though he did travel nearly 150 miles on his own when he was much younger - which did involve changing trains ...........but I do admit to phoning him for 30 min updates which annoyed him alot!

OP - has your daughter got photographic id such as a passport - don't forget it as she'll need to fly

*Robin*

cannyscot wrote: »

Oh bum -I have done it now! Booked the flights so we are stuck with the decision.

I thought it was just here in the back of beyond that they didn't let their precious cargos out of their sight.

I know she wants to go to Cambridge but on the other hand if it isn't right for her it isn't right. I will talk her through her nerves on the phone if need be. She kind of has to prove to them she isn't too young anyway so if they see she came herself maybe that will prove it!

Thanks all you really helped especially all the young people -nice of you to help an old worrier!

Well I think you've made the right decision!

Cambridge is great as cities go, especially for students. The interviewers are looking for candidates who can think for themselves so even if your daughter feels nervous, her accomplishment in getting herself to the college without being taken by a parent will definitely count in her favour.

Can I ask which college she is applying to? If it's in the city centre there are plenty of buses from the station, it's easy, but she might find it better to take a taxi if she's going to Girton.

Best of Luck to your daughter - I hope she gets offered a place!

adelight

Send her alone, it'll help prepare her for moving away for uni. Just be ready at the other end of the phone for her as their interviews are stressful and can be very brutal and emotionally draining.

bestpud

My friend's dd took herself to her Oxford interview and didn't even question whether her mum should go along.

It wasn't for her in the end, but she enjoyed the process - they are well looked after once they get there.