help with money matters after divorce

diane70

Hello
I am currently going through a divorce, was with husband for 18 years we have 2 kids aged 6 and 14, i am in the family home, i have never worked so have set up my own business as we now need money...
my husband has got himself into ten grand debt since we split nearly 2 years ago.
he is living with family and wants his own place he said he hasnt been able to do this as he has no money, hes a taxi driver so i guess he can earn what he likes, he has the youngest 2 1/2 hours a week 2 days a week after school and is currently paying the mortgage £66 a week, he said he has been to to either pay mortgage or maintenence, so we opted for mortgage......
i am trying to sort him out moneywise, i have tried to re mortgage (we owe 37k) house is worth 80 but doubt we would actually get that for it. but northern rock have refused me as i dont have 2 years accounts, i cant get a loan as it would cost too much to pay back weekly etc.....

he has said he will sign the house over to me, that way he can get a council flat and give the kids £30 a week, that means i will have to find £36 out of my money to pay the extra for mortgage, it will be a struggle as its a small business and im on tax credits ....

but he has also said if i buy him out and give him 15k he will give me £80 a week......

he has missed payments before so not sure that is the better option even though i would be on more money.....

i have texted him and said i could cope with 40 from him and the other 40 he can pay his loan and in 5 years ill give him 5 grand and he can up the maintenence payments back to 80....he replies the same all the time "whateva"

trouble is we have been asked to go to a mediation and he has refused, he works for himself and does his own taxes so im guessing he declares 6k a year when i know dam well his on at least 20k, this is why i cant go to csa as i would get £7 a week for kids, he wont go to court as they want his bank statments which he doesnt want them to see, i dont want to get him in trouble, i want this sorting and i want my kids to have enough to life a decent life, i pay for everything but he feels cause im in the house and have the furniture hes the victim and i should do as he says, if he wasnt in debt i feel he would have his own place now and would be giving me about £50 a week for the kids......

not sure what to do, we can go to court but i dont think i can afford to pay the fees.....hope someone can help
thanks diane x

RAS

Whoa whoa whoa............

Please start by going to www.turn2us.org.uk and work out what help you would get from Working tax credit, child tax credit and what support to pay the mortgage (they will cover the interest on the mortgage).

Please also get a solicitor to help you - sorry burt if he is mucking around with tyour head like this your need legal advice to sort out the financial settlement. You do not however need to use a lawyer when you go to court, you can do that for yourself as long as you have good advice before hand. the chances are you can keep the house until the youngest is 18 or leave full-time education, if you want that. But you need to make sure the legal stuff is sorted out.

I do not know what your Council is like but here a mature single male with no children or disability in employment would have no chance if he applied for Council housing; even less if he had been a part owner of a house within the last two years.

kingfisherblue

You are unlikely to get help with your mortgage interest as you are not in receipt of a qualifying benefit. However, you should try the above website to see what help you can get. You should already have changed any tax credit claim from joint to single, and you should get a 25% discount on your council tax as a single adult in the household - but you need to apply for this.

I would take what he says regarding amounts that he will give you with a pinch of salt. Unfortunately, things can sudddenly change when you least expect it, so you are better getting everything sorted out legally before it becomes a problem. My solicitor advised me to hold off the divorce until after the financial side was sorted out, as there were children and a property involved. My ex also ran up substantial debts after he left me, and my solicitor wanted a signed document from him to confirm that I did not have any responsibility for these debts (quite easy to prove - the dates on the credit cards and loans were all after he left me).

My solicitor was Haygarth Jones in St. Helens and they were a big help in a messy divorce. They specialise in family law.

We had to have the house valued to determine what would happen next. We also both had to fill in a financial form - these can be checked against HMRC and bank accounts I believe. You have to provide bank statements for the previous twelve months and declare all accounts. Your ex will find it hard to hide his earnings.

His debt is not your fault. You shouldn't feel guilty living in the family home because you have two children to consider.

Your ex should pay 20% of his earnings (less one seventh for each night per week that he has them overnight) as child support. If he isn't likely to do this - and from what you have posted, I don't think he will - you should open a case with the CSA. They can take ages to get the money sorted, but if he does not pay the agreed amount, he will have to pay any arrears. Having said that, it is harder to get money from self employed if they are non-compliant.

diane70

kingfisherblue wrote: »

You are unlikely to get help with your mortgage interest as you are not in receipt of a qualifying benefit. However, you should try the above website to see what help you can get. You should already have changed any tax credit claim from joint to single, and you should get a 25% discount on your council tax as a single adult in the household - but you need to apply for this.

I would take what he says regarding amounts that he will give you with a pinch of salt. Unfortunately, things can sudddenly change when you least expect it, so you are better getting everything sorted out legally before it becomes a problem. My solicitor advised me to hold off the divorce until after the financial side was sorted out, as there were children and a property involved. My ex also ran up substantial debts after he left me, and my solicitor wanted a signed document from him to confirm that I did not have any responsibility for these debts (quite easy to prove - the dates on the credit cards and loans were all after he left me).

My solicitor was Haygarth Jones in St. Helens and they were a big help in a messy divorce. They specialise in family law.

We had to have the house valued to determine what would happen next. We also both had to fill in a financial form - these can be checked against HMRC and bank accounts I believe. You have to provide bank statements for the previous twelve months and declare all accounts. Your ex will find it hard to hide his earnings.

His debt is not your fault. You shouldn't feel guilty living in the family home because you have two children to consider.

Your ex should pay 20% of his earnings (less one seventh for each night per week that he has them overnight) as child support. If he isn't likely to do this - and from what you have posted, I don't think he will - you should open a case with the CSA. They can take ages to get the money sorted, but if he does not pay the agreed amount, he will have to pay any arrears. Having said that, it is harder to get money from self employed if they are non-compliant.

Hi I am with haygarth too, he refuses to do the mediation and wont go to court as he doesnt want his money looked into...i have asked him to sign the house over to me and pay me £40 a week maintenence, he has finally agreed, this way he has 10k from the house which he wanted. he was going to give me 380 a week so £40 is for the kids and the other £40 will go towards his £50 a week payment for the loan over 5 years.....I can cope with £40 a week and keep the house as the kids dont want to move.the divorce should take another 6-8 weeks what happens then, will we have to sign papers to agree to what we have agreed so far? thanks for all your help
diane x

kingfisherblue

What happens if he doesn't keep to the agreement to pay?

My ex wouldn't attend mediation either, nor did he want to go to court, but he had to in the end. You can force the issue - I had to, to get any sort of financial settlement. My ex tried to make me sell our house, even though it would have been detrimental to the children if we had moved. Also, our house has been adapted for my son's disabilities. Because he wouldn't agree to sorting things out financially, I took him to court. The solicitor does all the work for you, but you both have to fill in a financial disclosure form. My ex didn't fill his in and was told off by the judge - he was then compelled to fill it in by a certain date.

I don't know if you will have papers to sign about your agreement, as it is not court ordered. I would be very concerned about agreeing to this without some assurance that he will have to pay what he has agreed. Also, £40 a week might sound fine now (although if he is on at least £20k it isn't much), but what about in the future? Kids get more expensive as they get older. Your oldest is 18 in just four years - will the amount halve to £20 a week or will it remain at £40?

diane70

kingfisherblue wrote: »

What happens if he doesn't keep to the agreement to pay?

My ex wouldn't attend mediation either, nor did he want to go to court, but he had to in the end. You can force the issue - I had to, to get any sort of financial settlement. My ex tried to make me sell our house, even though it would have been detrimental to the children if we had moved. Also, our house has been adapted for my son's disabilities. Because he wouldn't agree to sorting things out financially, I took him to court. The solicitor does all the work for you, but you both have to fill in a financial disclosure form. My ex didn't fill his in and was told off by the judge - he was then compelled to fill it in by a certain date.

I don't know if you will have papers to sign about your agreement, as it is not court ordered. I would be very concerned about agreeing to this without some assurance that he will have to pay what he has agreed. Also, £40 a week might sound fine now (although if he is on at least £20k it isn't much), but what about in the future? Kids get more expensive as they get older. Your oldest is 18 in just four years - will the amount halve to £20 a week or will it remain at £40?

Im planning on him giving me £40 till the little ones 18. also can I ask will I have to pay if i go to court? im on tax credits so dont earn a great deal, im just concerned I'll have to pay a big lump sum out that I wont be able to afford. i feel because he is in debt the kids now have to suffer, basically he wants some money from the house and cause he cant have it yet to pay his debts, me and the kids suffer.....i guess we will have to sign something after the divorce, a financial agreement or something???? x

kj*daisy

You really need to see a solicitor, tough if he doesn't want his finances looked into. If you can't afford a lump sum, you may be able to come to an arrangement where you keep the house and pay the mortgage and he gets his share when the youngest finishes education. Please go get advice so you don't agree to something that leaves you constantly struggling.

kingfisherblue

You should get your financial details sorted out before the divorce goes through - I'm surprised that the solicitor hasn't told you this. What you plan and what he actually does may well be two different things. I've already said that it doesn't matter if your ex doesn't want to state his earnings - if you go to court, he will have to. He has no choice. Please take into account what I have posted and what kj*daisy has posted. You will be connected to your ex (via the children) for many years - he might change his mind about giving you money, so you need it watertight and legal to prevent this from happening.

Mojisola

diane70 wrote: »

I am currently going through a divorce, was with husband for 18 years we have 2 kids aged 6 and 14

diane70 wrote: »

Im planning on him giving me £40 till the little ones 18.

What's £40 going to be worth in twelve years time? You need to be able to update the child maintenance he pays in the future.