Benefits Maze - so lost; dont know where to turn or what to do!

ruby_roo_3

I am so at my wits end, I have no idea where to turn to or what to do, I cant see the wood for the trees and feel so hopelessly lost. I know self pity wont help me but i am just sitting here crying wondering how to get out of it all.

I work for the council in a school, the headteacher and the PA bullied me (to cut a long story short), took away all my ability to do my job, and crushed me until i was a shell of "me". Finally after working for them for 4 years i crumbled and saw the doctor who immediately signed me off with work related stress (im not the only one - there are currently 31 members off staff off sick or vacancies that arent filled!) The last two girls in my position before me also left in tears - saying that management had won and finally driven them out. Now i cant even pick up a phone and sometimes just sit staring into space not knowing where time goes or i cant work out in which order i should put my makeup on. Even day to day living seems beyond my capabilities!
To compound issues my daughter has autism and assiociated difficulties - in my naiviety i thought life with her would get easier as she got older but it hasnt it has become much tougher in every respect and i am shattered just supporting her to cope with a day trying to life with autism.
My partner cant work as he hurt his back at work 4 years ago and now walks with a limp and his weight has crept up to over 25 stone as he cant excercise anymore, plus he has heart spasms that completely debilitate him periodically throughout the day - although is "fine" for the other 98% of the time, we dont know when to expect these attacks though.

So here i am - signed off work since june, my pay dropped to half pay on 31 oct and i cant afford to pay the rent, right now i cant even afford a bottle of milk. I am trying to find out if i should just hand my notice into work and claim income support and carers allowance or should i claim ESA with half pay (approx £600 per month). I tried ringing the benefit enquiry line and am still non plussed. I just feel it would be so much easier for everyone if i wasnt here and no this isnt a cry for sympathy - i just feel so lost and have no idea how to sort myself or this situation out.

and yes the doctor has prescribed me anti depressants lol!

kingfisherblue

ruby_roo wrote: »

I am so at my wits end, I have no idea where to turn to or what to do, I cant see the wood for the trees and feel so hopelessly lost. I know self pity wont help me but i am just sitting here crying wondering how to get out of it all.

I work for the council in a school, the headteacher and the PA bullied me (to cut a long story short), took away all my ability to do my job, and crushed me until i was a shell of "me". Finally after working for them for 4 years i crumbled and saw the doctor who immediately signed me off with work related stress (im not the only one - there are currently 31 members off staff off sick or vacancies that arent filled!) The last two girls in my position before me also left in tears - saying that management had won and finally driven them out. Now i cant even pick up a phone and sometimes just sit staring into space not knowing where time goes or i cant work out in which order i should put my makeup on. Even day to day living seems beyond my capabilities!
To compound issues my daughter has autism and assiociated difficulties - in my naiviety i thought life with her would get easier as she got older but it hasnt it has become much tougher in every respect and i am shattered just supporting her to cope with a day trying to life with autism.
My partner cant work as he hurt his back at work 4 years ago and now walks with a limp and his weight has crept up to over 25 stone as he cant excercise anymore, plus he has heart spasms that completely debilitate him periodically throughout the day - although is "fine" for the other 98% of the time, we dont know when to expect these attacks though.

So here i am - signed off work since june, my pay dropped to half pay on 31 oct and i cant afford to pay the rent, right now i cant even afford a bottle of milk. I am trying to find out if i should just hand my notice into work and claim income support and carers allowance or should i claim ESA with half pay (approx £600 per month). I tried ringing the benefit enquiry line and am still non plussed. I just feel it would be so much easier for everyone if i wasnt here and no this isnt a cry for sympathy - i just feel so lost and have no idea how to sort myself or this situation out.

and yes the doctor has prescribed me anti depressants lol!

I didn't want to read and run, but I'm not sure how much help I can be - you have so much going on at the moment.

Some suggestions, not in any particular order:
* Have and assessment as a carer - you are entitled to this from your local Social Services. You might find that some support is put in place as a result
* Contact your local Carer's Centre for support. They might also be able to do a benefits check for you
* The Job Centre can do a benefits check, or contact your welfare rights team at the local council.
* Are there any ASD support groups in your area?
* Your husband can do some 'armchair exercises'. He can also contact his doctor for help with suitable exerecise and a diet to help him lose weight. In some areas, obese people can be referred to Slimming World, with the GP surgery paying for it
* Ask for a Social Services assessment for your daughter - can you get respite, or Direct payments to pay for respite?
* If you are in a union, you should get them involved with the problems at work. If you do finish, it is often better to be finished on medical grounds than to resign, but I don't know enough about it to say what I think is best.
Take a deep breath and try to get at least half an hour to yourself each day, even if it is just to read and have a cup of coffee without interruptions

cit_k

Keep up with regular checkups at doctors etc.
Get a lawyer, to see if anything can be done about (or at least document) the bullying.

[Deleted User]

talk to welfare rights about what you may be entitled to,contact your local council and the will put you on to WR,if there isnt one then try CAB

shopaholic1373

https://www.turn2us.entitledto.co.uk/entitlementcalculator.aspx?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1
The above site helps you check
what benefits you and your family our entitled too.

backontrack_2

ruby_roo wrote: »

I am so at my wits end, I have no idea where to turn to or what to do, I cant see the wood for the trees and feel so hopelessly lost. I know self pity wont help me but i am just sitting here crying wondering how to get out of it all.

I work for the council in a school, the headteacher and the PA bullied me (to cut a long story short), took away all my ability to do my job, and crushed me until i was a shell of "me". Finally after working for them for 4 years i crumbled and saw the doctor who immediately signed me off with work related stress (im not the only one - there are currently 31 members off staff off sick or vacancies that arent filled!) The last two girls in my position before me also left in tears - saying that management had won and finally driven them out. Now i cant even pick up a phone and sometimes just sit staring into space not knowing where time goes or i cant work out in which order i should put my makeup on. Even day to day living seems beyond my capabilities!
To compound issues my daughter has autism and assiociated difficulties - in my naiviety i thought life with her would get easier as she got older but it hasnt it has become much tougher in every respect and i am shattered just supporting her to cope with a day trying to life with autism.
My partner cant work as he hurt his back at work 4 years ago and now walks with a limp and his weight has crept up to over 25 stone as he cant excercise anymore, plus he has heart spasms that completely debilitate him periodically throughout the day - although is "fine" for the other 98% of the time, we dont know when to expect these attacks though.

So here i am - signed off work since june, my pay dropped to half pay on 31 oct and i cant afford to pay the rent, right now i cant even afford a bottle of milk. I am trying to find out if i should just hand my notice into work and claim income support and carers allowance or should i claim ESA with half pay (approx £600 per month). I tried ringing the benefit enquiry line and am still non plussed. I just feel it would be so much easier for everyone if i wasnt here and no this isnt a cry for sympathy - i just feel so lost and have no idea how to sort myself or this situation out.

and yes the doctor has prescribed me anti depressants lol!

Hey Ruby Roo,

I really feel for you. You must seek advice from CAB - they are one of the few agencies which can help you with all of your issues e.g. employer problems and benefits. Are you getting some kind of Child Disability Credit on your Child Tax Credits? You may be entitled to some kind of DLA. You also don't mention debts, so I take it there aren't any at the moment? (Fingers crossed!.) You have to remember your presence in the house is vital for your little girl and your husband (so don't think it would be easier if you weren't here), but you must also get all of the help that is out there for all of you! Please promise to at least think about the following:

1. Contact your local CAB regarding your financial and work-related rights. It may be that you are better off on benefits if they allow you to access things like benefit premiums (because of your husband and daughter's state of health).
2. Believe it or not, your energy supplier may run free benefit entitlement checks (especially as part of their Warm Home Discount Industry Initiatives) and it's worth checking to see if they can help you with anything before bad weather sets in. They may also help you with costs through Trust Funds run by some of them. If you let me know who your supplier is, I may be able to give you more info.
3. You haven't mentioned how long you've been on the anti-depressants. If you've only been on them a couple of weeks they may not be working yet - but if you feel this is not enough, you can ask your GP to refer your for talking therapy - this is an appointment(s) with a pyschologist which helps you to cope with stress/depression, etc. It does sound like life is difficult for you and it might help to talk to someone (I've done it myself and while it didn't 'cure' me, it helped me learn some coping strategies).
4. If you're in debt, go onto the CCCS website to do their Debt Remedy plan; it may give you options you hadn't considered.
5. Remember that you are a good person (look at all you are coping with at home!!!) and you are going through a horrible time, but that it will pass. I went through a similar situation at work and couldn't believe that I was allowing myself to be treated badly, but for some reaon felt paralysed and couldn't take action. I was finally offered a transfer to another department, and while the path back to normality (a relative term for me!) has been slow and rocky, it makes me feel good to know that they didn't break me completely - you are a good person who deserves respect at work.
6. If you are up to it (and you may not be) could you talk to other people who have left work to talk about creating a formal complaint?
Please tell us how you are getting on, I am wishing you only good things x

sealady

On the work front I suggest you contact your union and also the school of Governors. If they are no help in contact with the local authority. Try and get some help to right a lesson stating your issues, the fact the there are so many staff off sick. Is it possible for all those who are sick to write a letter together.

mealone

ruby_roo wrote: »

I am so at my wits end, I have no idea where to turn to or what to do, I cant see the wood for the trees and feel so hopelessly lost. I know self pity wont help me but i am just sitting here crying wondering how to get out of it all.

I work for the council in a school, the headteacher and the PA bullied me (to cut a long story short), took away all my ability to do my job, and crushed me until i was a shell of "me". Finally after working for them for 4 years i crumbled and saw the doctor who immediately signed me off with work related stress (im not the only one - there are currently 31 members off staff off sick or vacancies that arent filled!) The last two girls in my position before me also left in tears - saying that management had won and finally driven them out. Now i cant even pick up a phone and sometimes just sit staring into space not knowing where time goes or i cant work out in which order i should put my makeup on. Even day to day living seems beyond my capabilities!
To compound issues my daughter has autism and assiociated difficulties - in my naiviety i thought life with her would get easier as she got older but it hasnt it has become much tougher in every respect and i am shattered just supporting her to cope with a day trying to life with autism.
My partner cant work as he hurt his back at work 4 years ago and now walks with a limp and his weight has crept up to over 25 stone as he cant excercise anymore, plus he has heart spasms that completely debilitate him periodically throughout the day - although is "fine" for the other 98% of the time, we dont know when to expect these attacks though.

So here i am - signed off work since june, my pay dropped to half pay on 31 oct and i cant afford to pay the rent, right now i cant even afford a bottle of milk. I am trying to find out if i should just hand my notice into work and claim income support and carers allowance or should i claim ESA with half pay (approx £600 per month). I tried ringing the benefit enquiry line and am still non plussed. I just feel it would be so much easier for everyone if i wasnt here and no this isnt a cry for sympathy - i just feel so lost and have no idea how to sort myself or this situation out.

and yes the doctor has prescribed me anti depressants lol!

Im sorry you cant claim ESA and sick pay from work as the goverment will only pay you once so its either ESA or sick pay (your pay from work includes SSP from the goverment)

Prinzessilein

First of all, have a hug...you're goign through a rough time (((ruby roo)))

Now your daughter. I have ASD. Of course it affects each person ion a different way, but there will always be good and bad days. I personally know how amazing it is to have a fantastic Mum support me as I grew up wit (in my case undiagnosed until I was in my 40s) Autism.

Each member of the family, you, your OH and your daughter seem to have your own health issues. It may be that one or more of you might be entitled to DLA. This is given for care and/or mobility needs.

Write a simple diary. Write down all the needs each of you have. What help do you give the othwrs - how do they support you. What things are difficult? Keep the diary for a week (It might be easier to keep 3 diaries...on for each family member). Then make an appointment with a disablity advice company - some place like DIAL. They give free advice. They will look at your diary/ies and have a good idea whether you will qualify for DLA. They will also help fill in the paperwork.

Keep up you GP appointments and hopefully the medication will help.

Newly_retired

CAB can help you with Benefits, Employment, Debts, Housing and much more.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

And it might sound harsh, but not having the money to buy lots of food might be good for your OH.


If it isn't there, he can't eat it, which will help his health and quite possibly put him in a condition more able to help you, as it isn't fair that you should have to cope alone when he is there.