Dont know where to turn

IF_Only_4

5 years ago partner decided he wanted his own buisness, hence I went along with him. Everything was fine until his employer changed his working hours. We had a newsagents and he could know longer do the early morning starts, so it all fell on me and we had to employee more staff which cost us around 10,000 a year. Everything would have been fine if I hadn't fell to peices, working over 60 hours a week, looking after 2 children 1 with ADHD, running the house ( other half didn't do much). Then 2 years ago my grandad died, 8 weeks later my nan died. This hit me really hard as I was really close too them. I didn't even get to say my goodbyes because of the shop. Was on the brink off having a nervouse breakdown. I suffered with bulimia which then resurficed. We sold the shop in the end, for a great loss, I was signed off from work with bulima and depression. My relationship really suffered but we manaaged to selfidge that. But now I am coming to nearly a year from being off from work. The debts we had are covered till the end of April by insurances ( well some of them). But then what do I do, the Job centre has advised me to go back to work 15 hours a week. To cover all my debts I need to be doing about 80 hours a week not 15.
My other halfs Job only pays £250.00 a week I ve already remorgaged the house to clear some debts no equity left in that. I still have around 45,000 pounds worth of debt left. To top it all exhusband is now going to stop my daughters maintance because she turns 17 in March. As shes not in full time education, but she hopted to do one of the training course that is eqivilante to collage. I still receive child benifit and tax credit for her, but he wont have that. LIFE JUST ISNT WORTH LIVING have put on over 3 stone because off stress, I hate what I see in the mirror and myself. If I wasn't around at least all the debts would be cleared. I know it would be hard for family other half and children but they would get over it. At least they would have a fresh start. Sorry to ramble I just dont know what to do.

How do I post a SOA please, sorry a bit thick?

hypno06

Hi there and welcome.

First of all, life IS worth living. Debt is only money and is not worth getting yourself into this state for. There are far more important things around you - especially when you have children who love and need you.

There are lots of options available to you - some more attractive than others - so your first thing is to look at these options and decide what you will do next.

Today, make it your day to take the first few steps in the right direction. Make yourself a cup of coffee, sit down with a pad of paper and write everything down. The debts you have, the mortgage, the income etc etc.

Then give Payplan or CCCS a call. They are really helpful, a free service, and won't judge you at all or try and push you into something that is not for you.

They will give you some options and then you can chat with your OH to decide what you do next.

Trust me, you will feel a little better once you have spoken to them. Just because you do this does not mean that you will have to go bankrupt or under some sort of payment plan - it just means you can look at the available options with someone who knows.

You CAN get through this - I know it seems impossible, but many of us have been in that dark place so can relate and help.

Keep posting, but please call Payplan or CCCS today.

Good luck x

tiddles

Good luck IF only!

Tiddles x

halloweenqueen_2

As someone who has lost their parents, you don't get over it, you learn to live with it. No debt is more important than your kids MUM. Please look at other peoples stories, many of them felt like you and now they are debt free or very nearly and living life to the full.
Please keep posting on here and there are some great people who will give you great advice.
I wish you all the best and good luck!

angelavdavis

Hypno and HQ are right,

You have been put in this position through sheer hard work and when starting up a new business you have to take some risks - it was just unlucky that your risk didn't work out.

As Hypno says, prepare your statement of affairs, listing out all your debts and then speak to CCCS.

If you want to find out other ways to save money, post a copy of your SOA on here and the good folks here will provide whatever assistance they can.

Do you have any bank or credit card charges you can claim back to reduce any debts? Do you have anything you could eBay?

You are in a bleak place at the moment, but you need to congratulate yourself for surviving the stress you have had to ride the last few years and appreciate that you still have a marriage and a lovely family. Now is the time to move forward and see some positive changes taking place.

Is it not possible for your daughter to get a part time job? I had a part time job at Boots which served me very well during the time I was at college. It will also get your daughter ready for taking responsibility for her own life and expenditure, etc.

Good luck!

poppycracker

morning IF only. (((hugs))) from me, you sound like you've had the world on your shoulders for too long.

hypno gave you some good advice, sit down and go through everything you owe. It might make you feel worse as you are doing it, but the feeling after you've finished, and you know where all the debt is and what it is is amazing.
Then, get on the phone to either Payplan or CCCS.
THEN, get your OH, and sit down and have a good long cuddle.

Please don't think of doing anything silly, come and talk to the lovely people here instead, we're all here to help.

juliejim

:grouphug:Just thought I'd send you a hug. :grouphug:

Don't give up - just listen to everyone's advice and you'll get through.

greytdog_2

"IF ONLY"
i agree with HQ - kids would much sooner have a parent with faults and all than not have one. Life is worth living you just need to get the right help and support. Go to the doctors to see what he can do for the way your feeling and then get some FREE financial advice. If it comes to it and you end up at court over the debt they can only make you pay what is reasonable and what you can afford even if that is a token £1 as a guesture until your lot improves. Things are obviously bad for you now but unless you stick around you won't get the pleasure and acheivement from sorting it out and showing everyone that you can do it. Also what help do you get with your child? Have you approached social services to see about shared care? This at least would mean you would get some you time which can be anything from an hour or two to a whole weekend. Its a free service as well. Its basically a scheme of babysitting but for kids with special needs and the people who do it are fully trained and vetted by the police and social services.

anyway big hugs and you will get there.

HHH_2

Hi If Only, my first post on this site back in novemeber was titled "life not worth living" you have used those words in your post too. I promise you it IS and once you have taken the first steps to sort out your debts you will feel a great deal better. Phone CCCS or if you dont feel up that look at their website. I thought I would never be debt free and I felt so ashamed of myself for getting in this position.sadly I too have lost people close to me and I also understand about the mirror thing( I need to loose 3 st) BUT your children love you and need you and I dare say there are other people who love and need you as well. CCCS will be kind and helpful, you may be in for the long haul like me ( 9 years!!) but I feel so much better knowing that I have started on the road to recovery. Please also go and see you rDoctor again as your health and state of mind is much more important than money.There are some lovely people on here so kind and helpful I think they probably saved my life (literally) Go on take that first step and see what a difference it makes. xx

IF_Only_4

I just want to say thank you to you all for your words of kindness, and I will take on board what you have all said. I will seek advice. Thanks all again to you all for your kindness.

halloweenqueen_2

You're very welcome -= please keep in touch!