Need to let it all out!!

hannahjayne

Hello lovely people,
I've been lurking around this forum for some years now and I have never posted although i've been reading all your advice for a long time now!

I've decided to post because I feel I just need to be completely honest with someone about the situation i'm in and listen to any advice anyone has to offer.

I had been managing my debts reasonably well up until about April 2010, I was working, my partner was working and so we decided to set a date to get married for June 2011 after 10 years together. We put a deposit down on the venue and started making plans. My dad said that he'd pay for the wedding out of the money he had recently inherited following my mums death a few years before and everything was set for a perfect day. Then in June 2010 my partner lost his job and after trying to find another job for 6 months I suppose he fell into a depression and on top of this he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. We were told by the job centre that my partner was unable to claim benefits during this time because he had not paid enough national insurance contributions and so they worked out his entitlement against my wage and decided that I was on too much money (£1600 a month) and so he was not entitled to a penny and therefore I was left having to support him financially.

In the meantime, my dad who originally agreed to pay for the wedding said that he felt my partner should be making more of an effort on the job front and therefore changed his mind about paying stating that why should he pay when my partner and my in laws were not paying a penny. I got his point and I love my dad more than anything as hes a good good man and my rock but by this point things were ordered, invites had been sent out etc etc and I felt completely lost and did not know what to do so one morning I made a fatal impulsive mistake of getting a large loan with Everyday loans with massive interest in order to pay for the wedding. This took my total debt total up to £20,520 and this suddenly turned my situation from a managable debt to an unmanageable debt crisis.

I went ahead with the wedding in June this year and I admit it was a fantastic day however all that was in the back of my head was the large amount of debt that I had taken (without telling anyone) and knowing that I would never manage the repayments after it was all over. All the gift money that I received from the wedding went straight on debts and I felt on a downer straight after the wedding even though I should have been experiencing the happiest time of my life.

Four weeks after the wedding I started feeling really ill and yes you've guessed it, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! I'm sooooo happy about having a baby and i'm currently 22 weeks pregnant and everything is going well. However (and sorry for being so negative) my now husband still has not got a job, its been over a year now, he still seems so unmotivated and ill all the time. I love him and want to support him but I can't help feeling a bit bitter. I'm trying to put a happy front on and I find myself lying to people about my husband not working because i'm so ashamed. I feel he needs to take some responsibility for his life and acknowledge that love alone will not pay for this baby.

A couple of weeks ago I decided that the only person I can rely upon in my life is myself and I needed to do something about my situation for the sake of my unborn baby girl....so I contacted Payplan and I have set up a DMP which I hope is the right thing to do! We've agreed on an affordable payment and budget and things hopefully will get a bit easier. Payplan are currently in the process of collecting balances from all my creditors and everything should be in place soon. I was feeling a lot better until yesterday when I came home and there was a hand delivered letter from everyday loans stating they had come to collect their money. They have been phoning my work, my family and visiting my house (i've not let them in). I am now feeling so stressed and I just can't stop crying. I'm frighted by every letter that comes through the post but most of all i'm worried about how the stress is impacting on my baby.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading this post. Sorry for it being a bit of a negative post- its just how i'm feeling at the moment and its really not like me! I suppose there isn't really any answers, I just wanted to write it all down (and sorry if i've posted in the wrong place!) and be honest about my situation because no one knows the real deal.

Thanks for reading xx

Debt_free_by_2012

Welcome to the forum! Have you looked into contacting a debt charity they may be able to give you some advice on coping. I wish you all the best and hope that you feel better soon.

QueenB.

welcome and (((((((((hugs))))))))) right now i know everything seems very overwhelming but one of the first pieces of advice i would give you is to be open with everyone. Its difficult but not as difficult as carrying all this yourself and with a baby on the way you need your physical and emotional energy.

raven83

Hi please try not to stress out nothing is more important that your baby! The hand delievered note that was put through your door would of been by a debt collector and not a bailiff. DC have not powers and no right to collect any money off you anymore than the milkman has. You need to write them a letter and tell them you simply cannot pay the monthly amounts and offer them a payment as to what you can afford and also ask them to freeze any interest. I myself have been pregnant and had debt and i was worried sick but looking back now its not worth to risk the health of your baby (i wish this forum had been around then!) x

J_Devon

I'm not really in a position to offer any solid advice but felt I couldn't read without posting something.

Well done for writing it all, and well done for taking action. As difficult as things may seem at the moment, they will get better

Keep plugging away, keep positive and keep smiling. The people on this forum as you know are extremely helpful and very good listeners, so you're in the right place.

secretshopper75

Just wanted to send my support, I can imagine it's scary receiving the letter but try not to stress too much..easier said than done..we're all here to help x

littlesmurf

well done on making the step with paylan.once they have got it all sorted and your payments start,you can start to get your head clear... having a baby should be enjoyable and be kept as stressfree as possible. hopefully you will start to sleep better when the debt becomes managable. xx

Deeperblue

I'm pregnant, in debt and have a husband who isn't always on board with money saving too. So I know where your coming from.

Why is it that your husband isn't working? Is he still depressed? Does he need to get back to the doctor to get this sorted or does he just need a kick up the !!!?

I think if you carry on taking all the responsibility for this without any help from him your going to end up burning yourself out.

X Well done for taking steps to getting this sorted :T

paulmapp8306

Send a letter to everyday loans. Tell them you are no longer in a position to pay the loan, and that it is now in the hands of Payplan. Tell them you have done a SOA with Payplan who are in the process of sending this along with a proposed DMP to all creditors. Give them Payplans phone number, address and your client number and tell them to contact Payplan direct with any queries regards the debt. You can also tell them you are pregnant and the debts and contact from creditors is causing you stress - hint if you loose the baby through stress you will sue them as the cause but dont outright say it - keep a copy of the letter.

Then phone payplan and inform them of the development, give them the companies name, your account number and their phone number and address (from the letter) and ask them to contact Everyday by phone to discuss the matter urgently as its causing you and your unborn baby stress. Follow it up by sending copies of any correspondence you have received (including the letter through the door), along with an explanation (similar to the phone call you've already had) of what has happened - again keep copies.

laura2481

Hi hannajayne

hope you are feeling a little better today. Didn't want to read and run...I'm not surprised you are feeling the pressure, it really looks as though things have spiralled a bit out of control for you!

My only piece of advice is to be honest about what is happening to those around you, including your dad as it is his withdrawal of the offer of the money for the wedding which has somewhat helped put you in the situation. (I'm not saying he should give you money now or anything, but just that he needs to see the full picture as well as your husband). They need to know what is going on and that you can't do it on your own any more, especially in your condition! You will feel a lot better in the long run not keeping it all to yourself.

It also sounds like your husband really needs to see a GP about this depression- drag him there if you have to!!

As for the letter from Everyday Loans.. there is template letter around here somewhere asking creditors to make all contact via writing as you will not speak to them on the phone or on the doorstep as it is harassment. Maybe some smart person will be able to find the link? I'm not sure where it is... and as paulmapp says- give them all the details for payplan and leave it in payplans hands... you will get there!

Now, all I need to do is take my own advice and tell my husband about my £10k+ debt and I don't even have the added pressure of expecting a baby!

suziebeau

Didn't want to read and run either, you are getting lots of good advice about the debts from those more experienced than me. I did wonder though if you felt you might be able to have an honest conversation with your dad about the situation that you are in? Even though you appreciate his point of view, he did leave you in a difficult situation by withdrawing his financial support for the wedding once you had signed contracts etc. As a parent myself, I know that even if I wasn't happy with the way a partner was behaving, I would not want to see my child in the situation that you are in if I could help them. Specially with a child on the way. Have you tried explaining to your dad that you think your OH has mental as well as physical health issues? I'm not suggesting that you try and put the responcibility of the debt onto him, but you will need help and support - emotional as well as financial and if you are not getting it from your husband for what ever reason, surely your dad is the person to turn to?

SX