Loan to (now) ex boyfriend

Kate83_2

I was with my ex for 7 years and we finally split up in July this year. For the last few years he has had a serious gambling problem (online poker) and about 2 years ago he asked me to take out a loan for him of £11k to help pay back some of his debts. I know I shouldn't have done this, but I did. He has been paying me back by direct debit every month since then. Our relationship ended badly and although he is still paying back the loan by direct debit I have told him I want him to repay the full amount to me as I want him and the loan out of my life. He keeps making excuses saying that he can't get another loan from anywhere and he "can't exactly magic that kind of money out of the air".

I'm not worried that he won't keep paying back the direct debit but I just want it gone. All my friends keep telling me to go to his parents and tell them about it to at least shame him into sorting something out but this feels really low to me. Is there any (legitimate) loan company out there that will lend to someone with already huge debts? He keeps saying he can't get a loan but I don't know if that's just excuses.

I'm kicking myself for taking the loan out for him, I know I shouldn't have done it but it's too late to go back in time now!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

shop-to-drop

I would be careful how you deal with this because if he just stops paying their isn't a lot you can do about it. Glad to hear he's still paying the monthly amount and you are confident he will carrying on doing so. How many years are left? Try and work amicably with him and give him a little time to make other arrangements. I would just worry that if you may end up with him not paying anything if it becomes too messy.

NeverEnough

Not much you can do, sadly - luckily for you, he is paying it back regularly and you will probably just have to keep that arrangement going and hope he will continue to pay the instalments. If you aggravate the situation by running off to his parents, he might just stop paying you altogether......he is probably right when he says he can't "just magic" up the money to give to you as that's why he asked you to get him a loan in the first place! Given that he's still paying it, I would leave well alone as you don't have much of a leg to stand on if he stops and it becomes entirely your problem to see that its paid back............

Tiddlywinks

Kate83 wrote: »

He keeps making excuses saying that he can't get another loan from anywhere and he "can't exactly magic that kind of money out of the air"..............

I'm not worried that he won't keep paying back the direct debit but I just want it gone..........

Is there any (legitimate) loan company out there that will lend to someone with already huge debts? He keeps saying he can't get a loan but I don't know if that's just excuses............

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

You lent money to a gambler with bad credit - that's beyond silly.

Your ex is right - he can't just conjure up money out of thin air and, if he's got any sense, he won't add to his woes by taking on another loan as the sort of company that might lend to him would want an arm and a leg in return.

If you're feeling really vindictive then you could go to his family - why would you really want to worry them as well?

You are entirely responsible for the hole you are in - you dug it yourself - so, as you are not worried about him paying the loan back by DD, just let it ride and hope he keeps paying.

NeverEnough

Tiddleywinks - I don't think the OP wants or needs judgemental comments on her actions on doing the loan in the first place.....that's not what she asked and she said herself in hindsight it wasn't a good idea. She was asking about getting him to repay it quicker - nothing else, no spiteful comments required, particularly when they are entirely unhelpful!

Tixy

Is he paying the DD to the company? rather than paying you and you paying the company? The possible issue with this is that if he does stop paying (or his payment bounces) and doesn't tell you this is likely to impact on your credit file before you even know there is a problem.

Ideally get him to pay you and you to pay the loan, although I guess that make him more likely to cancel the monthly payment

Tiddlywinks

NeverEnough wrote: »

Tiddleywinks - I don't think the OP wants or needs judgemental comments on her actions on doing the loan in the first place.....that's not what she asked and she said herself in hindsight it wasn't a good idea. She was asking about getting him to repay it quicker - nothing else, no spiteful comments required, particularly when they are entirely unhelpful!

I don't think it's unhelpful to point out that going to ex's parents and worrying them could be seen as vindictive.

I also don't think it was unhelpful to point out that the ex will struggle to get a loan and that if he could get a loan then he would be paying over the odds in repayments so he would be unlikely to go down this route.

Pointing out the bleedin' obvious is not spiteful - it is my opinion and this is a public forum.

How did your post help by way of advice to the OP?

davetrousers

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

- it is my opinion and this is a public forum.

No it isn't, see here

Posting is a privilege not a right. This is a privately owned site. Posting is a privilege, not a right.

Dan:_4

Your lucky your ex is paying the monthly repayments. I would just leave it at that.

Kate83_2

The loan was for 5 years so there's about 3 years left. He pays the repayment back to me directly and I then pay off the loan. My big worry is if something happens to him in the future where he can't afford to pay me back, but I guess I knew that risk was there from the beginning. Nobody in his family or friends knows anything about his gambling/debts, it's only me.

To Tiddlywinks: I knew at the time I shouldn't do it but it's not easy when your partner of 5 years admits to his gambling and debt problems and tells you he's feeling suicidal at the thought of not knowing what to do about it. I also said I felt that going to his parents is low so this isn't an option, I'm not being vindictive. He has treated me very badly the last couple of years and the relationship ended on a very bitter note. He basically admitted that the only reason he was with me was because of the money (I also let him live with me rent free so he could pay off his debts) so I don't think you can blame me for wanting him completely out of my life and not wanting to support his gambling addiction anymore.

Thanks for the rest of your advice, it looks like leaving it be is the best option unfortunately!

Tixy

Kate - did you have any joint bank accounts or loans with him at all ever? If so then you might want to file a notice of disassociation on your credit file so that anything on his credit file won't affect you.