Family court / contact orders. Is a solicitor necessary?

Cat1

Please help! I have heard on the grapevine that DS1's father has been granted legal aid and will be seeking contact.

Bit of background: DS1 is 12yrs old, my relationship with his father broke down over 10 years ago. Contact was sporadic for the first 2years post breakup and supervised at a contact centre. It was a violent & abusive relationship but we managed to escape and a non molestation order was issued by the courts to keep me and DS safe. Contact broke down, he developed a crack and alcohol addiction and then went to prison. He's not bothered to do anything about contact with DS for at least 8years, although in recent years he has started sending birthday and christmas cards (which always stink of cigarettes with some drunken soppy drivel written in them!) A change in the CSA law meant that we have started getting some maintenance from his jobseekers since April 11.

DS1 says that he doesn't want to see him. I am aware that children are sometimes reluctant to say what they really want in this situation but judging by the fear on DS's face (he does remember some of the violence that occurred and having a ride in a police car) I believe him. DS1 also has Aspergers and is a very anxious chap who to be honest could probably do without this. I don't feel his father has anything to offer him and where DS is generous to a fault, I can see his father taking money and possessions from him. His father is the type that will steal something even if it is nailed down.

Anyhow - the bottom line is that we wouldn't qualify for any help from legal aid. Our income on paper is pretty good but is eaten up by large outgoings. Has anyone ever self represented against the non resident parents solicitor? Am I being really silly in thinking I am capable of this? I would like to say no to contact however it is ultimately DS's decision. He is 12 and very bright - would he be forced into contact and would his wishes override whatever the court decides? Can I appoint a solicitor once I start to feel out of my depth?

Please help-all advice gratefully received xx

RainbowDreamer

You can represent yourself, but I would highly recommend that you see a solicitor. These cases can seem very complicated especially if the other person is refusing to even consider what you say. You can take a "mckenzie friend" which is where you can take more or less anyone in with you to be there as support. But you need to consider if not having legal advice and being prepared in advance will effect you and the case?
Could you phone a few solicitors and discuss paying the fee's in installements? Also.. if he has applied directly to court can you not apply for mediation as a starting block? Courts are very keen that people at least attempt mediation before taking it further to the courts.
I am going through simular (though different circumstances) - don't really want to go into specifics on here, but if you wanted to pm me I may be able to help you with my experience. HTH.

RainbowDreamer

Also at 12 years old the courts will take into consideration your childs wishes. Cafcass will probably be involved in that bit I think?

FarmersWife_2

Yes I ahve, represented myself for the past 3 years...The strain on my self and my family is unreal... I have no legal training. My 5 yr old has had no contact with my ex for the past 2 yrs... Yes they will take into account what your son says... but thats only part of it. You have a long rocky road ahead... keep in touch pls

Claire x

FarmersWife_2

Oh and take advantage of the free hours that solicitors offer x

Cat1

Thank you all - I forgot about the free mini consultation thing. Might be a good idea to go and scope a few out.

I had a solicitor previously but felt she was a bit of a wet blanket. I didn't have any choice though as she was the only family law specialist in the only solicitors in town that would accept legal aid cases! At least this time I will have a bit of choice

Mediation isn't out of the question but anything that is agreed would also have to be OK with my DS-ultimately it's his decision and his right to see him, not his fathers right to demand contact. I expect CAFCASS would probably make recommendations based on his wishes? Am I right in thinking they make a report to the court, if it goes that far?

I didn't know about the McKenzie friend thing - that is good to know. I would also be worried about winding up in a courtroom unrepresented and out of my depth, my sensible head says get a solicitor before that point but my moneysaving head says hold out as long as possible! I think due to the amount of time that has elapsed since the last contact broke down and the age of my DS it should be fairly straightforward.

I'm probably jumping the gun, haven't heard a sausage from him since he forgot to turn up to the contact centre in January 2004 :rotfl:

Cat1

FarmersWife wrote: »

Yes I ahve, represented myself for the past 3 years...The strain on my self and my family is unreal... I have no legal training. My 5 yr old has had no contact with my ex for the past 2 yrs... Yes they will take into account what your son says... but thats only part of it. You have a long rocky road ahead... keep in touch pls

Claire x

Can I ask what other things they take into account? I'm probably being really naive about all of this! x

RainbowDreamer

Cafcass write a report that is used in court. They would speak to DS and include his wishes. Their reports focus on what is best for the children.
Not sure if mediation would involve the children, as far as I am aware it could be just you and your ex. And can only be done if the ex agrees to turn up and discuss matters.

adamantine

i wouldnt worry just yet. if he is seeking legal aid for contact, as you are the other party involved, you will receive a letter from the legal aid board saying they have applied. this is your opportunity to say anything to the legal aid board that you think is relevant about why the aid shoudnt be granted eg he isnt entitled to it, DS doesnt want the contact....

if you havent got the letter then i wouldnt stress. probably the same as my NRP - likes to spout his mouth off about having contact but never actually does anything about it coz it involves effort!

neverdespairgirl

Don't jump the gun yet and panic. Hearing on the grapevine that your ex has legal aid isn't the same as his actually having it, and bringing a court action.

Cat1

I an 99.9% sure it is hot air!! It generally is. I think people ask him if he's seeing DS and then he replies with something that sounds better than 'no cos I can't be bothered' It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle really. Maybe we could sort it out on JK rather than the courts? At least I wouldn't have to brush my hair and I would get a free night in a travelodge to boot! x:D