Juggling Act - Help Needed

misspoppy

Contact Help the aged they will have a lot of experience in this situation but you have to be firm at work, only work your alloted hours, no over time and tell them you won't be avaliable for double shifts, its their problem not yours.

I agree with the person that said that you are the adult now and what your Nan and your Mum want and will have have to accept are two different things. If you burn out they won't have any choice but to have outside help.

Look after yourself

Zed42

Firstly ... remember that this is only for a limited time ... and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

1. Your mother may not be able to do physical things, but in a couple of weeks, she can do the meal planning and write the shopping lists - you can then order online (Tescos / Sainsburys / Waitrose / Asda / Iceland all deliver)

2. Batch cooking is definitely a good way to go - get your sister to do some of this.

3. Dust only builds up so far ... if they're that fussy, tell them that you'll have to employ a cleaner (I suspect they may just go quiet at this point!).

4. Slow Cooker is also good, as you've already mentioned.

5. Contact Social Services to see what help is available. Presumably your mother is classified as your gran's cares, so there must be something they can offer.

((hugs)) and don't stress too much, whilst it's daunting now, you'll find a rhythm, just don't wear yourself out whilst finding it.

MrsTinks

People seem to have forgotten about the pooch A dog can be just as much work as a person at times so have you thought about asking anyone you know if they can mind the dog for the period whilst your mum is recovering from her op? I know it's a long time but someone might be willing to help out... That would take some of the pressure off you.
As for your mum and nan then they need to realise that you cannot do everything yourself and hold a full time job too. As others have said then ask if there is any help to get towards carers or cleaners etc. As for your mum and nan not liking it then frankly tough! If they can't see that this is too much for you they are being very pig headed and selfish.

crawley_girl

I second what the others have posted. Some great ideas. Get in touch with Social Services now or speak to the hospital Social Worker. Sometimes things take a while to organise, sometimes they happen overnight!

Also - do you have other family in the area? Aunts/ Uncles/ Cousins etc that you rope in for some of the support.

What about any of Mum's friends? Work colleagues? Local vicar? Any of your friends that be willing to pop in for a cup of tea and chat or to walk the dog? I know I would if any of my friend's parents were poorly to ease the burden on my friend. Only really works if your friends know your mum/ gran.

With regards to the dog, would it be possible to get a friend/ relative/ neighbour to walk dog once a day? Or you could get a dog walking service in. Or maybe this is something you could do to get a blast of fresh air when it all gets a bit heated and fraught at home. There is nothing like a walk in the fresh air - unless it is pouring down of course!!!

I hope it all goes well for you and don't be afraid to ask for help or support. Most GPs in our area have posters advertising support group for carers. Speak to your GP if it all gets too much.

Good luck

:heartpuls CG :heartpuls

Nicki

Poppy9 wrote:

Also see if you can claim carers/attendance allowance. This will help to pay for a housekeeper to come in to do a bit of cleaning, washing, bed changing etc.

You won't be able to claim carers allowance, as you are working and the amount you are allowed to earn per week is very small.

You nan is likely to be entitled to attendance allowance however, possibly at the highest rate if she needs care day and night. Her entitlement will continue even once your mum is fit again.

It would be worth asking CAB, Age Concern or your local Carers Centre to do a benefits check for you asap to make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to. Remember it will take weeks for the money to come through the system so you need to act sooner rather than later.

If you can afford it, consider a cleaner for a few hours a week. This will make life more tolerable for you all. Batch cook and freeze, and use your SC to make double portions and freeze. When you are out at work, have simple things they can eat for lunch readily available (soups and sandwiches would be easy). If your nan really can't hold the kettle to make her own tea, maybe she could cope with one of those vaccuum flasks with a spout where you just press a button on the lid to get boiling water (no lifting required except for the tea cup) She will need to use whatever independence skills she has left while you are out at work if she won't tolerate a carer, and in the long run this will be good for her!

For the dog, see if you have any friends and neighbours who like dogs but can't have one themselves who can help out for a few weeks with regular walks. Otherwise my elderly mum tends to put her dog in the back of the car and take it to the nearest open air spot where dogs are allowed off the lead, and let it run around freely for a while, then drives it home. She finds this less physically stressful.

Most importantly - speaking as a full time carer - you must make some time for yourself on a regular basis. Could you arrange with your sister that she will hold the fort at least once a week, so that you can have some R + R? If not, have a period in each day where neither mum or nan can disturb you unless they have a life-threatening catastrophe, and spend it exactly how you like!

mirakl

Get in touch with these guys http://www.carersuk.org/Home they can give you some help.

inkie

The key over the following few weeks will be planning - plan all the meals for the week and what you are going to need for those meals (on-line shopping), spend one of your days off making some of those that can be frozen - the time will be clawed back on the days that you have to work. Have you got a steamer - then if so, if you throw the veg in on your way out to work then you just have to ask nan to flip the switch at a certain time and the veg will be done. How does she make drinks when you are out if she can't lift a kettle - perhaps you need to fill a flask for her, and forget about ironing - only do the essential bits.

Justie

Poppy, Nikki and others have said most of what I was going to say

social services will be able to provide help (but probably paid for) and even if it's just someone coming in and washing/dressing and preparing a meal or washing up/doing a bit of washing it will ease some of the stress from you. It takes time to organise but is well worth it. Your mum and nan cannot expect you to do everything and work it'll kill you. My MIL who hates having people around (even family ) found the home help a god send when she came out of hospital but didn't use them to their full effect as she'd send them away after 15 minutes even though she paid for half an hour. Most are happy to do household bits and pieces if asked nicely.

See if friends can walk the dog. If not can you afford to pay for a walker for a few days a week to ease some of the burden? If not then if you have a biggish secure garden look at doing brain exercises with the dog so it reduces the amount of time you need to spend with it. Spread some of the food around the garden so s/he can play 'find it' or get a kong or treat ball and fill with food which will take time for it to be eaten and engage the dog's brain a little. If the dog will play ball then maybe play ball in the garden for 10 minutes instead of a walk.

3 months is a long time so call on friends, relatives and anyone else who will help as it's hard work caring on your own. Someone's mentioned contacting a local vicar - some churches have trained visitors who can come and pop in and check on your mum and nan while you're at work or may be happy to help out a little with household tasks.

Justie

also - if you need to do any lifting please please a) get taught properly and b) get as much help as you can or you'll get a bad back and not be able to work.

and talk to your GP a lot have support for carers.

wendym

Absolutely talk to your GP.

And ask to speak to the hospital's own social worker, and if necessary fib to your mum. We claimed it was 'hospital policy', and there was nothing we could do to prevent getting some help.

Get all the help you can - for everyone's sake.

I sympathise and admire your willingness to take it all on. When the 3 months is up, is there any chance of booking yourself a small break? You could book it nowish, and look at it in your diary when you have a particularly tired/tiring day.

My very best wishes.