My cat got into next doors house....

Badger_Lady

Mine ate an entire freshly-baked treacle sponge pudding while I napped in the next room... I found its 'processed' form on my carpet... :eek:

kataklysm

Myrtle77 wrote: »

Seems to me that people just lack a sense of humour and proportion these days.

Well, on that note, we've been a bit naughty.. we figured she deserved an intelligent, considered response.



"Dear [Belligerent Old Bat Next Door],

I'm very sorry to hear that Dr. Gonzo has been causing you so much trouble, so we have had a sternly worded conversation with him.


He has told us that his own food is of the highest quality, certainly not lacking in flavour, freshness or quantity. However, he said that he just can't resist sneaking in through an open window, especially if it looks like there's a delicious meal on the other side.
He blames it on his rough childhood, barely 8 months old, living on the streets only four weeks after Christmas, thin as a rake and covered in matted fur. He wolfed down every last scrap of food we gave him back then, and (with a misty look in his eyes), he says "Old habits die hard, I guess. You don't know man, you weren't there..."


That said, he did mention that some houses nearby have one of those fancy electronic locking cat flaps. Apparently, only the cat wearing the matching collar is allowed in and out, and no other cats can get through. He says that if less people had those, he probably wouldn't have been so hungry back in the bad old days.
He is certain that if you fitted one and then shut the windows when you went away, then he wouldn't be able to get in at all.


We did ask him why despite having three cat trays of his own he felt the need to poo in someone else's garden, and he replied "Eh, what are you gonna do. I'm a cat. Anyway, Molly started it." He pointed to a few choice pieces of poo in our own garden which he has irrefutably matched to the DNA of at least three other cats living nearby. I certainly have no reason to disbelieve him on this point. He is an expert in his field.



We asked him if he would like to think about becoming a house cat, and he promptly showed us what we could do with that suggestion. I suppose the only other option we have is to install a cat proof fence. Dr. Gonzo has attached a leaflet for you to look at, although being a discerning sort of character, he doesn't think them terribly attractive to look at.


But he does like a challenge."





Heheh. She shoved it back through our door with "Very Clever" scrawled on it. I'm officially done with her now

I actually had a gander at the posh cat food.. a plant for her garden.. a plate of chicken.. and I thought "You know what, blow her. I wouldn't even spend 10p on the old sow." :mad:

h007

^^ ha ha love it!
also love your cats name!!

patchwork_cat

I think that you can safely say good relations are over!

We have rolled over and showed our bellies so often to neighbours and have decided that you just can't please some people. Whilst I have no intention and do not recommend that you become as bad as them I would recommend that you do what we have decided and that is to no longer try to placate the mean spirited, jealous, thoughtless people that we are misfortunate enough to call neighbours.

So I would not put up cat proof fence or buy her any cat food, she is angling for some money, (we have had this).

Marisco

Brilliant kataklysm !!! I could understand her reactions if she didn't like/have cats herself, I have 2 (one was a stray and decided we were suitable people to look after her, so came to live with us, by jumping in the front window one day ) and it wouldn't bother me if all the neighbours' cats came here for a visit!!

hostertlady

i love my cats.... unfortunately my neighbours dont!! i copped them slagging off my cats one day to someone( they didnt know i was on my yard:p) and so i let them know, quite clearly , that i had heard them... they didnt know where to look...........
we have replaced the top bits from their fences, offered toclean up any mess they make, ( why o why do my cats insist on pooing in their bloody garden!!)
i even contemplated keeping all my cats in but then i thought- sod it................

and anyway.... there are loads of cats round here so surely it cant always be my 'little cherubs' can it??:D

mouseymousey99

I live in a little row of houses and we all have cats too.
Ours come and go in everyones house. Not much you can do, they even find out how to get into one of those magnetic cat flaps. They all lined up behind the cat with the magnet and went in like children in a crocodile (it was the funniest thing).
Sorry you are having problems you sound like a really nice couple. As others have said don't offer any money. Think I'd apologise and leave it at that, I don't think you are ever going to make her happy. I bake and sometimes make things for my neighbours, maybe you could try that with her? A few chokky biscuits can go a long way. Hope things work out..

Myrtle77

Brilliant letter kataklysm. I know who to call on should I have a problem with my neighbours in future! :rotfl:

gravitytolls

kataklysm wrote: »

Apparently she did some detective work. Her cat always sleeps in its bed, and she found black fur on her sofa.
I like to think that's because when she's away, her cat lounges on the sofa watching the Discovery Channel eating Doritos and ordering takeout..

Of course, I'm under no illusions, Dr. Gonzo is a naughty cat and it probably was him. But, aside from enrolling him on a class about property law, what can I do about it if she leaves windows open? :rotfl:

I love Dr Gonzo, and if she was a cat lover, so would she, mad old bag.

Our Scruffypuss popped into next doors via their open window, noshed their cat food, shagged their cat and went to sleep with the owner. Fortunately they really were cat lovers and thought it was okay ~ the kittens sadly were abandoned in a field, poor puss, she must've been so traumatised.

Anyhoo, you sound very considerate neighbours, she sounds like a nuisance neighbour. What can you do, smile, say 'oh dear, they're little scamps aren't they? Did you know your cat pops in most days for a bite of whatever we're having? Oh and by the way, s/he piddled in the bedroom, had to get specialists in to clean it. Shall I pop the invoice through the door?' She'll probably not fancy moaning about cat food costs then.

candygirl

Love the letter:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::T:T:T:T