Is It Me that's Gone Mad or Education (GCSE revision tactics for our Kids)

[Deleted User]

Hope I've got this in the right section. Excuse the long post.

OK, I have a 15 year old boy. We've moved because he was bullied very badly in his previous school and his special needs were paid lip service to verbally but ignored in reality (he has aspergers and dyspraxia, can type things out on the pc but can barely write). He is very intelligent but kept being put in remedial classes because of the writing problem even tho his other skills were way in advance of his age.

Now he's in a brilliant school in another part of the country. Their policy is, in order to get as many kids as possible to achieve the golden trophy of 5 GCSE's, they start putting them in for GCSE's even last year, and my son is going to be entered and re-entered for exams until he passes. He's done two already, didn't quite get the required grades so he's redoing his maths in a couple of weeks, History in Jan (he passed his English Lang, now getting ready for English lit).

OK, now my son does face a big challenge in terms of emotional restraint (can panic madly if he is unfamiliar with something or doesn't know how to do it). So for the last lot of exams, initially I was sitting with him, trying to keep him calm, helping him revise (trying to teach him revision skills as well and help him catch up with the lesson's he'd zoned out of), so he could see that he could improve from the starting point. Once he was over that stage, I just checked his work but mainly left him to do it unless he asked for help. This time around, initially I had to be fairly persuasive (pointing out that he's going to find it easier to get into a sixth form/college with the five GCSE's so he can do subjects he desperately wants to do. At one stage I am afraid I did take his game console and laptop away (he was using them rather than studying) and erm said he might as well get used to having nothing to do because that was all that was in front of him if he didn't study (I'm whincing as I type.., I'm not normally this tough on him). But he's now studying completely independently. And doing incredibly well and getting quite excited at how much he's learning.., independently. Of course, I am praising him to high heaven and pointing out how well he's learning and that its a nice feeling .., to try and positively reinforce the experience.

He had a counsellor (because of some anger he has experienced at his past treatment in the school system). She said I was robbing him of the ability to make choices as to whether he studied or not. Which again, has some truth to it. I am.., in that i am kindof weighting the game in favour of study as against not studying. I don't feel totally good about it, but he is intelligent and I feel the only way for him to demonstrate that in the world is for him to have some pieces of paper to validate that. He's going to have quite a lot of difficulties in a work environment as it is because of a slight lack of social skills.

Now, I'd love to hear of your experiences.., do you leave your kids to decide whether its a good thing to study? I am a bit of two minds about it. I can see their point about choice, but also am a bit irritated with the counsellor and the school's attitude to a 'hands on' parents.., they all keep banging on about the kids should decide to study for themselves. I realise that this is the last year of compulsory education and he has to learn to study independently, to do things because in the long term it will help him get the outcome he wants even if in the short term he'd rather play games. Obviously we go out too.., he's not studying for 12 hours a day.., and I'm making sure he gets some treats because he's doing so well. I don't stand over him cracking a whip obviously.

But am I a nightmare parent? I nievely thought this was what parents did lol! I know this hasn't exactly turned into a rant.., but internally I am ranting.., but I'm also wondering if they are right and I'm totally wrong.

I suspect I could have passed his maths GCSE myself last time lolol. I'm learning as much as he is lol.

Elle7

It's quite common knowledge that male students are usually not as self motivated for the GCSEs as female students are, and at the three different schools me and my sisters went too there was special groups for parents of males (or females if they wanted) to talk about ways to encourage them to study.

At the end of the day, your method has worked if he is now studying independently, and he'll get good results he can be proud of.

Even when you've got a degree GCSEs are still looked at, as so many people have degrees now, so it really is worth him studying and doing well. I'd stick with what you are doing

biscit

Basically, I was bright too. I sailed through my GCSEs (8 A-Cs, not stunning, but brilliant for my school), struggled a bit with my A Levels, and hit a brick wall when it came to my degree. Because I hadn't actually learned to study.

This is a tricky question, normally kids have to learn to appreciate these things for themselves and find their own way.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

You sound like a caring, supportive parent and your son is very lucky to have you. Don't beat yourself up so much about revision and analysing everything; exams are important but they can always be retaken.

bargainbetty

I'm sorry, I think the counsellor is talking absolute cobblers. Your son is still a child. You are his parent, and it is your responsibility to make sure he has every advantage of the education provided to him until he has reached the age of majority and then he can decide for himself.

You are doing everything you can to help him achieve goals that the average teeanger would not have the discipline to achieve - that is why we all give our parents grief at that age. We thought we were grown-ups, but we weren't, any more than he is now.

I can only imagine the look on my mother's face if a school counsellor told her that she was 'robbing me of my right to choose' by making me study. The idea that a 15 year old can be trusted to act in their own best interests is pretty much discounted in every aspect of law - this is why parents maintain legal responsibility for a while longer.....

Good luck x

Jenny007

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job!
I went through alot of difficulty at school, my attendance was very low, I struggled with friendship groups, and I had a brother who was completely opposite to me (still is!), in the sense he was extremely academic and I hated to be assoiciated with him.
My parents were good in a sense, they understood I hated school, they didnt force me to go (I would bunk if I was made to go) They sought help from the school but they didnt seem interested.
I do however wish they had pushed me to try harder. If they couldnt make me go to school they should have encouraged me to do my studies at home. Consequently I didnt get the grades I wanted, I didnt fail any however. But I was left in tears because Id failed myself and thats the worse feeling

Keep on at it, you are doing the right thing. Once he gets his grades at the end he will see it was totally worth it

P.S sorry for the story you didnt ask for!

Tim.Cloudnine

What you should do is make him revise for a period of time (Say for an hour) everyday and then let him do what ever he wants afterwards. Then he can revise and play for the rest of the evening at home.

Let him decide when he wants to spend the hour.

thatlemming

Wish my mum had done that with me when I was that age!! I only finally got motivation to study when I was in uni.

bobajob_1966

I am critical of much of the parenting 'skills' I see and hear of nowadays, but I have to say it sounds like you are doing a brilliant job. Whilst 'the ability to make choices' is important there is a time and place for that, and this is not it. Good luck!

Judith_W

I think you have got the pressure right for GCSE's but I just want to caution you for A-levels. My brother is extremely bright and naturally mum wanted him to do as well as he possibly could. He was terrible and wouldn't study if it was left up to him so he would for example be made to revise in the caravan ensuring no distractions (don't worry not all the time and was v comfortable), and fixed hours of study time were enforced or he would just play video games. He did very well and got a place at Uni, however once he was left to his own devices, as he had never learnt to self-motivate, he actually pretty much got addicted to computer games and dropped out of Uni halfway through his second year because he just didn't get essays in and didn't revise for exams. He has now learned his lesson and is back at uni.

I feel it would have been better for him learn this lesson earlier, to have to re-sit some AS levels rather than re-start uni, with all the debt that goes with it.

On the other hand, I was also given set hours to do homework every evening, but self-motivation kicked in earlier and I have done fine.

Just food for thought.

Judith