Advice needed for new life

gailey_2

Going for the dream

Loved your post sounds like you in good place.

My advice is go gradual.
can be so many good ideas and not enough time in day.

we had huge lifestyle change when had kids and went down to 1 income.

challange for us has been

getting best deals
setting strict grocery budget.
growing stuff and foraging
buying 2nd hand/sale clothes
cheap/free entertertainment
extra income surveys, loyalty points ,selling ebay ect
cooking from scratch/meal planning
sewing and repair jobs..

trick for us is to try live frugally but well.
dont want kids to go without essentials
so its carful juggling act to ensure we live the lifestyle we want but on less money.

frugal does not have to mean miserable.

sometimes nice to have freinds round rather than go out.
we gone through income and expenditure line by line
we reveiw monthly
at moment cannot save as we are debt busting and even value stuff going up.
we have a enrich our life list that we buy when we have spare cash with silly things on like

new plates-we currently short
new cheese grater
new pan
new cupboard
furniture/storage for house.

It depends how tight the budget

do you want to live on less as you have no choice?
or frugal to save for something specific.

Ours is currently necessity so involves commitment.
searching food shops for reduced stock every other day.
baking bread,biscuits and cakes myself
batch cooking meals and freezing.

prettypaula

ex city girl - welcome!!

i understand entirely about leaving a high stress high paid job as ive recently moved into one, and have found myself slipping back into old ways...

debts going unpaid... designer handbags mattering more, trying to keep up with jones'

ive snapped out of it this very week... realising that by doing all of this i will NEVER be in a position to retire in my early 40s and have no mortgage etc on the house of my dreams.

its time to stop living for now!

anyway, i just wanted to say if u fancy a natter... send me a pm

and keep reading here!!!

pineapple

monnagran wrote: »

'Do I need it', and 'Can I live without it.'

I'm similar though my mantra is 'Do I need it or do I just want it?'. You would be surprised just how much expenditure this cuts out!

A friend came up with this surprising money saving idea - she shops at the village co-op which isn't the cheapest around. But it's local and it's relatively small. So she is not tempted by a whole array of extravagances. Good for those of us who don't have strong will power. On similar lines it can also be an idea to limit retail outings alltogether.

redlady_1

My only piece of advice is work out what is important to you in your life. Whatever it is whether its having the latest stuff or learning to cook and sew, focus on it and make small changes so you can achieve it. Also, remember you may lose friends by embarking on this kind of life and work out whether they are worth losing or not.

Just remember Utopia doesnt exist. Good luck with your changes x

lessonlearned

Hi Ex City Girl

First I just wanted to say well done on your life changing decision. I am sure you will never regret it. Your future life will be richer in real terms, happier, healthier, less stressful and far more rewarding.

I know two people who gave up the City and who are now much happier as a result, both male and they both admitted that the reason they did it was because even though they were both really quite young, one late twenties and the other early thirties, they both felt burnt out, physically and mentally wrecked. One became an odd job man and the other never did paid work again, they both have loads of interesting hobbies, travel and do voluntary work.

One or two people have mentioned that you were perhaps a bit short-sighted giving your clothes away rather than selling them or refashioning them Actually I see it differently because I did exactly the same thing.

I used to be Corporate Woman. I gave all my business suits away. It was cathartic and liberating - especially as they were all black or navy., which I hate. For me it was a symbol of my new found freedom, drawing a line under my old life and making way for a fresh new start. Good Feng Shui.

I agree it's a learning curve - just take your time you'll get there. There are loads of books and websites all full of tips and knowledge. Some will suit you some won't. My top tip - join the library - they are amazing places. I even get to feed my magazine habit by borrowing them from the library - used to spend a small fortune on magazines.:o

Good luck on your journey - you'll love it.

Be warned what may have started out as an economic necessity becomes a lifelong mission that will transform you - you will never look at a shopping centre in the same way again.:rotfl:

LameWolf

Hi ExCityGirl, well done on making the change, and very best of luck!

My one piece of advice would be to always have your money under control, and know where it's going.

When you get paid, put away the following month's direct debits - you know the sort of thing - rent/mortgage, council tax, energy bills, phone, all that sort of thing. That money is sacrosanct, and should never be dipped into for other things.

Budget, Budget, Budget for everything else - if you can have x amount allocated for food, y for clothes/shoes/accessories, z for travel, etc, that'll help.

I have all mine on an Excel spreadsheet.;)

Do ask all the questions you want on the Old Style board - the only "silly" question is the one you should've asked but didn't!;):D

Once again, Good Luck with your new adventure.:beer:

ExCityGirl

Good afternoon everyone!

Many thanks for lovely posts and warm welcome ). There is some great advice here which I am definitely going to follow.

Spreadsheets & notebooks - never thought of recording of every purchase I made. I always beleived that I should watch out for small income rather than high expenses but I guess now I will have relatively lower income to what I could potentially be earning so I will definitely start spreadsheets and carry small notebook.

Another great advice I really liked was “Do I need it” / “Can I do without it”. I think this will work with me because many of my purchases are to do with the lifestyle I am having and when i think about it none of it is really needed to survive or necessary.

wmf

Thank you! As regards to your colleague - trader. Yes, he would earn big bucks but he would also be spending like crazy. Working in a city comes to a great cost to many people. If you work there and do not blend in you will never be successfully - i.e. you won’t get promoted and eventually will be side lined. City has a psychology of a mob, they all behave similarly and in many instances think similarly. If you are a girl like me you are expected to dress accordingly in designer labels, go out to certain types of clubs and have holidays at certain places. I have seen perfectly gorgeous girls turned down at the club entrance for not wearing right clothes & accessories and if you go out with a group of 10 and club hostess wont let you in the club whilst other 9 are fine, most likely you wont be asked to go next time. So pressure is high to look good as well as behave & dress like everyone else. At work too, just because everyone else is staying till 10 or 11 you are expected to be there too! Whilst work is largely boring and pay high but still not compensating for the hours and culture, I figured I could do better overall so I quit.


suzybloo

I do not know how to knit ). i tried to learn in the past but I think I am just terrible at it. This is one of those things you have to admit to yourself that YOU’RE JUST CRAP AT IT and move on . I like menu planning idea. How do you plan for it? Meaning week in advance? Do you cook everything one day and then freeze ? How do you do it?

Howthorn

Surely buying in bulk is the way to go but what do you do if you if you do not have much space? I recently moved in to small 1 bedroom flat with my partner with not much storage space. Do you think it’s worth while renting storage space? We bought a freezer but because there is not much space it is small 2 compartment freezer so I will have to plan exactly what to freeze there to have the biggest return on space.

Now processed foods! WOW I am impressed!, congratulations! My dream would be to eat no processed food at all! It is expensive, does not taste that good and it has loads of waste! How do you manage that? is there anyone at home not working and doing all the cooking?

Loved your pound idea!

Eyeore

You won’s belive how liberated you will feel once you are gone. It is really a small bubble and financial sector is SOOOOO far away from real life! Sadly you cannot see real people, with real values and real problems when you work there. Once you quit and look back you’ll say to yourself : WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!. Real people are much more interesting and happy then people in the city. I was volunteering at Kew Gardens, doing some gardening and I met this gardener who has been a gardener for all his life and he was very happy! Can you imagine any city person being happy with their life other than happy with the money they get? I can’t!

ragz

Perhaps I could have sold my clothes on ebay and earn some money but it really was not worth my time. Most of my free time is taken up by studying which will contribute to higher income but still having work-life balance. So I figured that selling 4 large bin bags of clothes would take up at least 24 hours of my time + I had to make sure I post these in time. + I have allowed for some complications like lost post or returns etc.. Everything I gave away was used, apart from few dresses so I would not get huge return.

Yes I could have used these clothes some time in the future but I just do not have space for them in this flat and I did not really need them. For instance: do I really need 5 going out sandals and 6 pairs of office shoes, or 3 opera gowns, or 5 going out dresses or 7 sweaters or 9 work handbags? No! I just need 2 office shoes, 1 sandal, 2 dresses, 2 handbags, 2 sweaters and no opera gown because I can go to opera with a normal dress! So the rest had to go. I am sure some people will find it useful and charity shop will be better positioned to sell them. In addition giving away my clothes was something I had to do on a personal level. I should know that it does not matter what you are dressed in, but what you actually are... I just wanted to get away from this psychology of labels and “must have” items. It was hard but the feeling you get afterwards is worth it )) I hope you understand.


Will look through the threads that had been linked here Thanks for linking them )



rachbc

why not primark? becuase of durability. why not Topshop? because it’s owner does not pay taxes in the UK. In fact this is the whole of the Arcadia group. Why shall I shop at topshop and not help the economy of this country? Sorry I am very patriotic In addition i do not believe that topshop is known for it’s quality. It’s more fast fashion that fuels consumerism culture in this country.

I will have to replace some of my clothes probably next year but at the moment I just did not have space for them. Some could have been used for essentials but most of the stuff was going out clothes which I don’t really need.

MuchAdo

oh, I so relate to your post about coffees, magazines, cosmetics, clothes and nights out I know it will be hard... it was already so hard to get rid of my bags!!! I did retained the most expensive leather totes, all my work suits and some crown jewels of my wardrobe God I am terrible STILL . I honestly thought that 1 month life-style detox would be enough but I think this is going to take longer. The most importantly I am determined to enjoy my life without bags and shoes and I think I will do it.
)) You survived. I hope I will survive too ))

abaxas & HelenYorkshire

I loved your posts!

It’s funny that tightness is always associated with being weird but I think it’s fun . Maybe one day I will have my cows to save on milk I know what you mean about itchy fingers . I have saved some bucks several times and blew it away. You will be surprised when I will say that most of it was not spent on me but on other people. My family does a lot of charity work and I think I got this bug from them. I just love seeing people happy so in the past I have been given the name of the “best santa” associated with best bday present etc.. My partner does not really mind that but he thinks that I care about others a bit more than I should .

Guys, thank you very much for your advice. You tryly gave me some food for thought! I am adopting all your advice to my life-style and already taking some on board!

Going4TheDream

Many thanks for your very practical post! I liked your idea of monthly shop for staples. Whilst I do not have a big freezer I have several cupboards in the kitchen, currently empty! so think this idea will work for me well. Several bank accounts is also a good idea as it mentally separates the money. I do not have big expenditures on bills as the flat I am renting is very small and sharing it with partner. In the past we have concentrated on paying off student debts and it mostly gone! So starting now on a clean sheet with small savings.

As for clothes, I have not visited charity shops yet and I think I do not need to buy anything new for at least a year. I am not sure if I am going to visit any shop really as I do most of my shopping online (Except some accessories which I wont need in the future anyway). For some reason I just feel guilty spending my limited free time on shopping. When I was a child I never went shopping with my parents as I always had something else to occupy myself with. I do not know when it happened but at some point I became very aware of what I was wearing and got captured by marketing professionals (. This process of me wanting to quit had not been a sudden. It took me around 2-3 months to realise that I was not getting anywhere meaningful with the job I was having. The career route seemed very defined and very much dependant on the number of years you spend in the company rather than quality of work I did. I always wanted to start something of my own by 35 and this job was not really teaching me anything to do with that. I like having long term plans and when something is not going according to the plan in my head I quickly change it. With my job it was not so bad as I was getting paid well and making contacts for the future but when my personal life started deteriorating I panicked a bit. In my mind the family ranks above everything and I just could not let that go for ANY job or careers. Maybe your work was something you actually liked hence you managed to stay there for so many years?

And finally one question if you don’t mind: Are you happier now since you are not part of it?

RAS

I will try my best ) but I would much prefer not to buy things or use them till the point when they cannot be sold! I still think it is a good advice especially for people who have large homes and accumulated many unwanted items. For myself I am aiming for minimalistic approach to life as I feel calmer this way. I feel so jealous of people who do not care what others think and who have clutter free houses! Hopefully one day I will be like that !

gaily
Yes, I am following my dream . I want to go for what I want to do and hopefully make some money along the way but if I were to chose between 2 I would prefer achieving my goal over the money.

My budget is not tight tight as I am almost debt free and still earn over what the average person would earn at my age. The reason I came here is because I want to change my approach to spending money and be someone I want to be rather than what I am required to be. I feel that I have been overspending on items which are not important and living the someone else’s life. I never wanted to be like this and somehow I ended up being just a consumer.

What I still can’t figure out is how to resist peer pressure? Do I get rid of my friends too ? one member here redlady_1 mentioned here losing some friends (( Do I pretend that I am always busy? How do I fit in? Shall I make new friends? This issue is still unresolved in my mind.

Also, when yo work how do you NOT buy any processed meals, how do you not buy books when you work during library opening hours? How do you not pay subscription fees for relevant publications and how do you not overspend when you go out?

Also how do you not buy gifts people want? What’s the point of the gift then?
I have many unanswered questions but by reading here and some books I think I am getting there gradually.

prettypaula

Temptation is so high so I do not blame you . There is one question though that helped me a bit before I bought a designer handbag :what does it cost to make this bag?. And the answer in most cases is less than the price tag so then I felt a bit ripped off! Yes, some celebrity had it on her night out but she probably did not buy it, marketing people probably gave it to her to wear it whilst I have to pay! for that reason I have managed to stay away from designer handbags with logos and clear distinctive characteristics. All my bags bought in the last 3 years are 100% leather and have very understated logo. I think less bling is more and also saves you some much needed cash.

Also, I would suggest to keep away from store cards... I do not own a single store card and never had in my life! Yes I spent a lot in the past but I never ever went into red. Debt is dangerous in my mind.. What else can I say, as you can see I am trying to get rid of some bad habits myself .



lessonlearned this is exactly how I felt! Liberated! It was like catharthis for me too!




So what I have done so far:

1.Gave away my gold jewellery to my student sister who'll need cash and has some time to sell or even use it!
2. Cancelled my TV license as I do not ever watch live TV!
3. Gym membership cancelled as mentioned earlier
4. De-cluttered my place from unwanted stuff
5. Created ebay account for any future purchases (like cufflinks which I lost during the moving flats and bookcase for my books)
6. Created Xmas present list and decided to reduce expenditure by at least 20%!
7. Created budget and savings spreadsheet
8. Signed up for clubcard and created tesco account for online grocery shopping!
9. Applied for another sensible bank account
10. Cut sleeves off my favourite going out dress to turn into perfect work LBD
11. Promised myself to never buy any more of new nail polish, lipstick and perfume unless all I own are empty!
12. Switched from expensive body products to simple coconut moisturiser and no more fancy shampoos!
13. Booked my birthday opera ticket 6 months in advance and saved over 300!
14. Booked my valentines theatre now and saved myself last minute hassle! ( Maybe some money too!)
15. Did a charity walk and made my company pay for it
16. Told my friends that I would much prefer going on afternoon tea with them rather than a club!
17. Decided not to buy yet another coat this year and use 2 fur coats instead! I must have been REAL IDIOT to buy them ... honestly...perhaps it's better idea to sell one of them...
18. Got a flask to carry my own soup at work
19. Went to Starbucks only twice this month!
20. Not doing washing that often any more and wait until there are enough clothes to wash
21. Reduced ready made meals substantially
22. Made promise to myself to NEVER EVER pay more than £200 for a bag. If it costs more than that it is probably not worth it!

ExCityGirl
:heart2:


P.S. Sorry if I have not answered to everyone who posted in this thread.

taplady

ExCityGirl - well done on all you've achieved so far!:T and for taking the time to reply to everyone.:)

Small steps is my advice - it wont all happen overnight but before you realise you'll be well on your way to the lifestyle you want.

All the best x

Going4TheDream

ExCityGirl wrote: »

Going4TheDream


Maybe your work was something you actually liked hence you managed to stay there for so many years?

And finally one question if you don’t mind: Are you happier now since you are not part of it?

Wow -that was a long post but so lovely that you responded to everyone, and it looks like you have been busy planning and organising, which is good.

In answer to your questions.

Yes I loved my job, I worked in a large global organisation and had actually done 4 different roles within the company, each one a step up. I used to travel regularly to other sites in Europe and Russia and met many people who became friends out side of the work environment, many of whom (thanks to technology) I still keep in contact with today. That said, the environment was very corporate and very controlled, like you mentioned about your city job, a lot of back stabbing. I would go as far as to say my boss was a control freak that bordered on being a bully, he did teach me a lot and I learned a lot about business, operationally, financially, strategically from him but I paid a high price too, no life, exhaustion, almost hopelessness sometimes as to why I still stayed, but for some reason I lacked the confidence to leave! (plus the money and perks were fab) Being made redundant in a weird way was a total relief.

I am happier now as my new role is totally totally different, The company do get a good deal as they know my back ground and get a lot for their money in terms of experience and skills and they perhaps do ask me to get involved in things that someone of the salary bracket perhaps wouldn't be asked, but they know that if i am not interested in a particular project I wont get involved. It works for me and the company.

For me it was the right decision and I don't regret it. I don't have as much money but I am richer and happier in so many ways. And I don't think you can put a price on that.

gailey_2

I think its a brave thing to change in current financial climate so well done to you.

I cant wait to be in a better financial place and be frugal through choice not nessessity.

One thing I will say is dont give up everything you love lifes too short keep your fave shoes/handbag as you worked hard for them. Especially if they things that make you smile and investment peices like a leather tote last you for years so be moneysaving.

One thing I do with clothes and accessories is how much would I use it?
I then divide approx number of times worn into price paid to get lowest price per wear.

If you dont watch tb maybe you dident see it but goks fashion fix series 2each week did a capsule wardribe of 20peices that mixed and matched to create different outfits and that included belts/shoes, bags and scarfs.

Think about yiur lifestyle and what peices you need ie

1-2going out dresses
1-2sklirts
5 tshirts
2shirts
2trousers
1-2jeans
1-2 jumpers
1-2cardies
2-3scarfs

1-3handbags
4shoes sandals, boots, trainers, flip slops.

Also consider lifestyle.

I spent more on winter coat as dont drive walk on school run and got fed up of getting cold and wet.
Brought more expensive boots as my cheapies always got holes in.

I buy most of my clothes on ebay used as find it cheaper than charity shops as can search brand and size and get french connection and whistles for a fiver!

If you can find the space possibly not even in kitchen as we once had our chest in hallway small chest allow you to batchcook and freeze and also buy reduced stuff when you see it,

I buy tubs from poundshop £1 for 6 with lids and batch cook big dishes like lasagne, shepards pie, chilli, curry or casserole which makes 6-10 tubs so hm ready,meals which we just blast in the micro.
I love the convent garden soiups and they often on offer or reduced and can be frozen. even marks and spencer has reductions and their £10 dine meal deal on weekend is fab beats going out and wine/dessert included.

Find waitrose, co-op and spar have best reductions
aim to go in sundays/bank hols we even do fodshops on boxing day and buy enough reduced stuff to last us whole of january!

Do sign up online and use money off codes.
ensure you have loyalty cards for everyshop you go into.
boots advantage the best and with all the glitches check grabbit bvoard you can still afford nice skin stuff and free makeup with all the no 7vouchers they do least 6times a year.

You thourght about joining local wi group?
brave giving up tv we rarly go out so love ours but maybe subscribe cheaply to love film.
check web for discount codes and vouchers you could use..

Last december read prima magazine and one lady vowed not to buy any xmas gifts and make them all herself was good.
last year did hampers for family with cherrry brandy, xmas bread rc recipie, churtneys, hm chocs dad said was best pressie ever.

use deals to make pressies like photobooks
make artwork
cushions and blankets easy enough , I myself cant knit but enjoy sewing.

Do you live in a flat? maybe herb box on window?
look into getting an allotment
or as hugh from rivercottage highlighted the rise in gorrilla gardening!

One thing noticed on here if yoiu havent got one.
is how good the kindle is and can get really cheap books.

I need to fix my printer so can print off coupons.

have a sale money box so can take advantage of any sales.

spending diary can be scary as easy to realise you have spending patterns I used to spend far too much on magazines now I look for cheap subscription deals.

Alvin hall says in his book have 24cooling off period.
Always go shopping with list and never when hungry.

Afternoon tea looks lovley unfortunatly I cant take the kids.

reccomend boots own brand intensive conditioner. 1.99 pot.
I have cheap home hairdresser now.
do my own facials and nails.

you could try making toilitries that be fun.