losing faith

livewire_82

I have a career spanning 11 years and during this time I have had 4 permanent roles employed within companies. In all but one of these, I have experienced redundancy.
Eight months ago, following my latest bout of unemployment, I finally got myself back into employment after 18 months in and out of freelancing whilst relentlessly seeking a permanent role (I was out of work for a full 9 months during this period). The company I landed a job with is great. I'm really happy with the pay, the potential the company is showing, the opportunities for personal growth and the people I am working with.
However, within the last few weeks there has been a downturn in work and although the 'R' word has not yet been formally mentioned, it won't be long before it is if the workflow doesn't improve.
Although all is not lost yet, I am completely devastated by the thought of yet another redundancy and more time struggling to pay my way.
The last experience I had, I was left with my self confidence completely destroyed and even now I am a long way from being able to live in complete confidence (although with the ever deteriorating state of global economy I'm not sure we'll ever be able to live like that again). Paying bills and the inability to save was tough and it put a real strain on my relationship with OH. I don't want to sound like a pessimist but I am just being honest.
I have no idea how I will be able to cope with this again. It just feels like my life is a constant struggle to survive, and because of this, I am getting very little enjoyment from it.
Sometimes I say to myself that although being self employed or setting up my own business from scratch can be a struggle to start with and would probably require more hours for less money, I would at least have more control of my destiny. Then again, should I abandon what has taken me over a decade to build up?
I know there is no right or wrong answer but I just don't know what to do anymore. With deepening recessions, I can't see the situation improving any time soon and I fear that I'm never going to be able to hold on to a job long enough in order to progress my career. I feel trapped.....

an9i77

what kind of work do you do? Does demand for it fluctuate a lot? may help to advise if you can give some more info.

livewire_82

I'm a graphic designer.
I wouldn't say with the position I am in that demand fluctuates much as I work within an established company that has contracts with some big clients. However, project are sometimes pulled or moved and not all of the new work we pitch for, do we win. It's almost as if the success of the business is it's undoing. It's virtually tripled in size over the last 2 years so when a quiet period comes along, you have a lot of idle staff members who still need to be paid regardless.

With freelancing, it can be different. The economic climate can have an effect on demand. For 9 months of the 18 I was between full time work, I was totally unemployed. I tried so hard to find anything in the industry that I felt was suitable for me but at times it was impossible. This is what worries me. If I can find a constant stream of contract work then I'm laughing as the money is very good. But I've yet to experience this - the longest I had freelance position for was 2 months. Personally it's not ideal as I still have plenty to learn within my role and you're only really given the opportunity to learn more in an employed role as companies who take on freelancers only do so to cover work and won't invest time and money in training.
It is at this point when I can't help but wonder if I'd be better off out of it and to start again, trying something all together new.