Advice please

maskerade

Just a bit of advice really... I'm doing well at paying off my debts and having done a spending diary on the advice on someone one here over a year I've paid off nearly £10k of debt and have about £4k left excluding student loans; so it's not a question of me struggling...

In keeping an eye on what I've been spending I've noticed that while theoretically the OH and I split our joint costs (we don't live together so joint things are food when we eat together etc, trips out etc) I do seem to end up cooking and therefore paying for the food more. Additionally he doesn't drive and while if we're making a big trip he pays half the petrol on every day running around he doesn't give me anything towards it; even if its a trip I wouldn't make if he wasn't there.

It's only odd fivers here and there but it does add up. A good example would be this weekend we are going to my parents' house and going on a steam train trip. I've paid for the steam tickets which were £50 and he's going to pay our train tickets there which will be £45. If it was once in a while it'd just be normal because I wouldn't expect to balance our payments to the penny but this happens all the time...

I'm not sure whether he just really isn't noticing or he's taking advantage of me. What do you think? His salary is pretty much identical to mine by the way but he doesn't have student loan although he makes more pension contributions so he probably ends up with a little more net each month.

This might be in the wrong place but I've only really posted here before because it is debt repayment which concerns me at the moment.

I'm going to have a word with him about the petrol tonight because that in particular is irritating me and I don't think he realises. Should I mention the other stuff? If I'm being selfish and finickity please do tell me because I do have a tendancy to get wrapped up in an issue to an extent it doesn't deserve so this could be another example of that!

Thanks!

CH27

I think that when you don't have a car yourself it's easy to underestimate the running costs.
TBH I don't thik he is being unfair if everything else gets split & he pays half the petrol on long trips.

maskerade

Good point He'll have a shock if he ever has to get one for work!

shiny76

maskerade wrote: »

Should I mention the other stuff? If I'm being selfish and finickity please do tell me because I do have a tendancy to get wrapped up in an issue to an extent it doesn't deserve so this could be another example of that!

Thanks!

If it's irritating you that much then by all means mention it. Just be prepared for a list of items he pays for that he doesn't expect a contribution from you for

Laurabeth38

I have the same with my OH. He doesn't drive and earns more than me, we live together and I drive him to and from work everyday, he does give me half of the petrol weekly because we go on 95% of car journeys together, but doesn't pay anything else towards the car, e.g insurance, MOT, car loan etc which comes to over £250 per month. I think he just doesn't realise the cost of running a car overall, all he see's is the petrol we put in each week.

I don't moan about it because if we ever split the car would be mine, but I can totally understand why your annoyed. I'm the same as you, I let the little things get to me, but he probably genuinely doesn't realise the cost to you, as he doesn't have to deal with it himself.

shiny76

Laurabeth38 wrote: »

I have the same with my OH. He doesn't drive and earns more than me, we live together and I drive him to and from work everyday, he does give me half of the petrol weekly because we go on 95% of car journeys together, but doesn't pay anything else towards the car, e.g insurance, MOT, car loan etc which comes to over £250 per month. I think he just doesn't realise the cost of running a car overall, all he see's is the petrol we put in each week.

I don't moan about it because if we ever split the car would be mine, but I can totally understand why your annoyed. I'm the same as you, I let the little things get to me, but he probably genuinely doesn't realise the cost to you, as he doesn't have to deal with it himself.

Would you still want/need/drive a car if he wasn't around?

Would you expect a car sharer to contribute towards the additional costs?

(Can you tell I've recently given up owning a car? )

Laurabeth38

shiny76 wrote: »

Would you still want/need/drive a car if he wasn't around?

Would you expect a car sharer to contribute towards the additional costs?

(Can you tell I've recently given up owning a car? )

If he wasn't around I wouldn't own a car because I would be living back with my parents and my work place is within walking distance, Which is what I did before I lived with him

maskerade

shiny76 wrote: »

If it's irritating you that much then by all means mention it. Just be prepared for a list of items he pays for that he doesn't expect a contribution from you for

If there were things like that I wouldn't be mentioning it! As I've said above though I always end up paying more of our joint costs!

I'm not feeling very sympathetic towards him at the moment as he's just rung me saying today is the last day of the 3 weeks he has to collect a parcel so can I meet him at his, pick up the parcel card, drive him to the post office, get it and THEN proceed with the original plan of me cooking and then our going to meet friends in the pub at 7.15... given I get in from work at 6.30 no! Feel like I'm a taxi driver sometimes... grumble grumble grumble... Going to wait till I'm less irritated to say something!

Unfortunatly I'd need a car anyway as I looked into busses for getting to work and it would take 1 1/2 hours as opposed to my twenty minute drive I wish I could get rid of it, it's a money pit! Cool that you've managed to get rid of yours

shiny76

maskerade wrote: »

Cool that you've managed to get rid of yours

The wife isn't as impressed! Espec as we now have to use her car for all social/domestic/pleasure journeys!

Is cycling not an option, if you were looking to give up the motor?
It used to take me 20-25 mins to drive to work, it takes me 20-25mins to cycle Mind you I knackered by the time I reach work/home!

qpop

My honest opinion: If you feel this strongly about what may amount to £50-£100 / annum then I'd be asking big questions about your thoughts on the longevity of the relationship.

In terms of contributing to the costs, you own the car, and control its use, therefore I can't see how you can ask for more than half the petrol.

maskerade

Unfortunately no, I used to cycle but developed severe asthma Selling my bike was a very sad day