Can you be told not to attend funeral?

Scottishmissus

HI all,

I wont go into details but have a question i hope someone knows the answer too

My fil has a son from a previous relationship he was denied access by the mother who then moved away with the son - son has died at age 24, funeral has been arranged by the childs step father as his mother died 3 years ago - we have been told that cremation is by invitation only - surely the biological father cannot be stopped from attending - he has over the years tried to find his son, there was no bad history between them as a reason for stopping access

We are all so stressed about this as obviously fil needs to make his peace with son

thesaint

You can be asked not to attend a funeral.

No one can stop you from attending a funeral(Unless they are planning to hire security).

Mics_chick

I've been to funerals/cremations where there are people there who just turned up because they used to know or work with the person that has died (so they not be "invited" as such) and I've also heard of people who like to attend funerals who just go to a service whenever they want to.

Does the step-father know what your FIL looks like? If not then he should just go - but then I think he should go to the service anyway. If he's discreet and keeps a low profile then nobody should say anything, that is arrive before funeral party and sit at back of church/chapel - but if he wants to walk behind coffin/attend the wake then I can see how that might cause problems with the rest of the family.

Although your FIL was kept away by his son's mother he has to except that the step-father is the one his son called Dad. Hard I know but being a dad is more than being a sperm donor it's the person that's brings you up and is always there for you. Again hard for him to take this but he should respect his son's family including the step-father because a funeral is not the place to air such grievances.

ceebeeby

Gosh, just had to draw a diagram to work the relationships out! Agree with user above. FiL and your OH should go very very discreetly (presume your OH is the dead person's half brother if I got my diagram right), make no fuss. If attention is brought to them at all then they should be enormously respectful towards the step-father ... even going so far as to thank step-father for everything done etc. If no attention then at the end slip outside. If your FiL believes in God and Heaven he will know dead son knows his intention was good, and that's all that matters.

seven-day-weekend

Anyone can attend a funeral service, even a complete stranger.

MATH

As posted above, funeral services are public events and can be attended by anyone who wishes to.

pudding06

If you FIL needs closure then he should go - they cant stop him.

I went to my estranged dads funeral though no-one wanted me to go ( I was the only one form the kids to go)

I met his family when someone recognised me - tears all round and they were so please d to see me - they'd been listening to my dads side of the story and had never seen our side. I didnt have say anything - just seeing me was enough to let them see the truth.

since then I've been at peace and hopefully he's resting in peace.

good luck

pudds