Deciding what do with your life

savingsgirl

shellsuit wrote:

I've got a suggestion Phil...

Every time you post a thread and it has been covered before, I will PM the BG/S and ask them to merge the threads, that way all you have to do is READ.....you dont have to type or exert yourself at all because the advice will already have been given.

I think that is fair all round, then if anyone wants to get into the whole thing again, they can, but at least they will know what they will be stepping into.

maybe you can share shifts - its a 24/7 task - I'll help

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Did the Doctor refer you to see a counsellor? Prescribe medication?

Quasar

needmoney wrote:

It's what I've thought all along if he wasn't real I think he would be more astute (is that the right word I've had a glass and a half of wine)

Glad you liked my man though:rotfl:get your whip out I'll help you:eek::eek: am I allowed to say that here?:eek:

Not my type, so get ya whip and get on with it...:whistle:

studentphil

Honestly I know in myself that my life can not go on with me feeling so bad.

I know I go on and on about the same worries.

I know also that I annoy people

I know also that it only will take one lucky break on the job front and I will be 1000000 times better than I am now.

needmoney

Quasar wrote:

Not my type, so get ya whip and get on with it...:whistle:

I have a paddle ooooooooooo did I say that
Post a pic of your type then might apeal to me to:D

Dee123_2

studentphil wrote:

I know also that it only will take one lucky break on the job front and I will be 1000000 times better than I am now.

Right, some straight questions with no mocking undertones to them.

Why do you think a job will solve all your problems? Do you think working is that much easier than uni? Do you think work is stress free? Do you realise that dealing with work colleagues/clients/bosses are ADDED stresses to all the ones you currently have with your uni course?

xadoc

I am late to the table (thankfully by the sound of it), and this has probably already been said, so sorry to anyone who's seemingly in a purgatory of advice that I'm now adding to.

Without telling you what I do, I will introduce this by saying that it is my job to attempt to help people work their way up and out of the sort of quagmire you feel you are in. Obviously, my work encompasses 1/2 hr and 1hr sessions over weeks and months, a few forum posts cannot do much, so I'm going to cut to the chase and be a bit unusually brutal.

The bottom line is that only you can get yourself out of this.

Student Phil, please pay attention. People are trying to help you.

As I see it, there are 3 things you can do about this:
1)go see your GP, tell her you think you are depressed (it sounds to me as if you are depressed) and ask for medication/counselling.
2)try some self help advice (I'm sure plenty has been given already), make the most of daylight, get out and about, do exercise, make every effort to think positively and reject negative thinking. Force yourself to take an interest in things. Maybe you will genuinely come to take an interest in things.
3)spend lots of time on here posting multiple posts, go round in circles, never really get anywhere, and so continue worrying about the future, life in general, time you've wasted etc.

Does the third option seem what life is like right now? If so, I'm not surprised you're feeling frustrated and hopeless.

Undoubtedly you are a skilled and intelligent person. There is nothing wrong with a bit of doubt and regret, but it sounds like it is taking over. Don't let it bully you into doing nothing. This will only make you feel worse.

There must have been positive things you have got out of your time at university. Think about them. Write them down.
There must be things in your life you are proud you have achieved. Think about them. Write them down.
There must be skills you have. Think about them. Write them down.

Maybe this will help you identify a career path. Maybe not. It doesn't matter. Do them anyway. Pin them to your fridge or on your wall, read them when you feel down and add to them when you remember a new one.

But what you do for work now is not important! A job is not for life these days. Don't follow the well-trammelled path of others if you don't want to. Many people don't know what inspires them. Many people never find a job which inspires them, but enjoy life in other ways because of relationships or hobbies.

What hobbies do you have (aside from MSE)? I'm not saying to try to turn a hobby into a career; enjoy it for its own sake. It'll make a job you don't like much more palatable until you do find a job you like.

Personally speaking, a job you enjoy and which inspires you is a very fulfilling thing indeed. But you may not find it by seeking it out, wait for it to come to you. Life has a funny way of making things happen. Until then, get a job any job, pay the rent, go on holiday and change jobs whenever you're bored, always working towards whatever direction you think you should go in.

Even the best jobs have downsides; by expecting to find that life-fulfilling job now you are placing unrealistic expectations on yourself and setting yourself up to fail. Look for temporary work maybe - you'll get a wide variety of experience and you may stray into something you'd never find you enjoyed otherwise (worked for me). Then the pressure is off, you can explore your options while keeping them open, all the while gaining experience, confidence and a salary. If the money isn't good enough temping then get a job you don't intend to stick at for more than 2 years and treat it in the same way.

If any advice given does not seem relevant to you, and this includes mine, don't discount everything said in the post. Try to take as much as you can from the bits that are relevant. Try not to reply with "that won't work, because..." or similar negativity.

We don't know you or your circumstances, we can only be vaguely prescriptive, one-size never fits all. But people are genuinely trying to help and understand.

Force yourself only to reply with positivity; things like "while I don't agree with everything suggested, I'll give such and such a go - it can't hurt to try" or "thanks for your suggestion of X, I haven't tried that, thought of that or tried that recently". Just because something didn't work the first time you did it doesn't mean it won't the next time.

I could continue... but I think I'll leave it here and gauge your response.:silenced:

studentphil

Dee123 wrote:

Right, some straight questions with no mocking undertones to them.

Why do you think a job will solve all your problems? Do you think working is that much easier than uni? Do you think work is stress free? Do you realise that dealing with work colleagues/clients/bosses are ADDED stresses to all the ones you currently have with your uni course?

A job will solve my problems as I should be more successful at it than uni.
I will feel needed and useful, I will gain some finance independence and freedom as a result of working, it will give me a change to my life as it is now.

studentphil

xadoc wrote:

I am late to the table (thankfully by the sound of it), and this has probably already been said, so sorry to anyone who's seemingly in a purgatory of advice that I'm now adding to.

Without telling you what I do, I will introduce this by saying that it is my job to attempt to help people work their way up and out of the sort of quagmire you feel you are in. Obviously, my work encompasses 1/2 hr and 1hr sessions over weeks and months, a few forum posts cannot do much, so I'm going to cut to the chase and be a bit unusually brutal.

The bottom line is that only you can get yourself out of this.

Student Phil, please pay attention. People are trying to help you.

As I see it, there are 3 things you can do about this:
1)go see your GP, tell her you think you are depressed (it sounds to me as if you are depressed) and ask for medication/counselling.
2)try some self help advice (I'm sure plenty has been given already), make the most of daylight, get out and about, do exercise, make every effort to think positively and reject negative thinking. Force yourself to take an interest in things. Maybe you will genuinely come to take an interest in things.
3)spend lots of time on here posting multiple posts, go round in circles, never really get anywhere, and so continue worrying about the future, life in general, time you've wasted etc.

Does the third option seem what life is like right now? If so, I'm not surprised you're feeling frustrated and hopeless.

Undoubtedly you are a skilled and intelligent person. There is nothing wrong with a bit of doubt and regret, but it sounds like it is taking over. Don't let it bully you into doing nothing. This will only make you feel worse.

There must have been positive things you have got out of your time at university. Think about them. Write them down.
There must be things in your life you are proud you have achieved. Think about them. Write them down.
There must be skills you have. Think about them. Write them down.

Maybe this will help you identify a career path. Maybe not. It doesn't matter. Do them anyway. Pin them to your fridge or on your wall, read them when you feel down and add to them when you remember a new one.

But what you do for work now is not important! A job is not for life these days. Don't follow the well-trammelled path of others if you don't want to. Many people don't know what inspires them. Many people never find a job which inspires them, but enjoy life in other ways because of relationships or hobbies.

What hobbies do you have (aside from MSE)? I'm not saying to try to turn a hobby into a career; enjoy it for its own sake. It'll make a job you don't like much more palatable until you do find a job you like.

Personally speaking, a job you enjoy and which inspires you is a very fulfilling thing indeed. But you may not find it by seeking it out, wait for it to come to you. Life has a funny way of making things happen. Until then, get a job any job, pay the rent, go on holiday and change jobs whenever you're bored, always working towards whatever direction you think you should go in.

Even the best jobs have downsides; by expecting to find that life-fulfilling job now you are placing unrealistic expectations on yourself and setting yourself up to fail. Look for temporary work maybe - you'll get a wide variety of experience and you may stray into something you'd never find you enjoyed otherwise (worked for me). Then the pressure is off, you can explore your options while keeping them open, all the while gaining experience, confidence and a salary. If the money isn't good enough temping then get a job you don't intend to stick at for more than 2 years and treat it in the same way.

If any advice given does not seem relevant to you, and this includes mine, don't discount everything said in the post. Try to take as much as you can from the bits that are relevant. Try not to reply with "that won't work, because..." or similar negativity.

We don't know you or your circumstances, we can only be vaguely prescriptive, one-size never fits all. But people are genuinely trying to help and understand.

Force yourself only to reply with positivity; things like "while I don't agree with everything suggested, I'll give such and such a go - it can't hurt to try" or "thanks for your suggestion of X, I haven't tried that, thought of that or tried that recently". Just because something didn't work the first time you did it doesn't mean it won't the next time.

I could continue... but I think I'll leave it here and gauge your response.:silenced:

I know I must work on my emotional state as it is very damaging to me.


I know I have a lot of skills and I am a useful person to myself. The problem is getting an employer to see that. I know in my heart that really any job that I could get that allowed me to have financial independance would do for a year or so.

But I am also a very competitive person and I am extermely concerned about my friends getting better jobs than me or being more successful than me. So that is a key thing that annoys me that I am not out competiting my friends in Employability at the moment.

xadoc

studentphil wrote:

A job will solve my problems as I should be more successful at it than uni.
I will feel needed and useful, I will gain some finance independence and freedom as a result of working, it will give me a change to my life as it is now.

I hoped you were still online.

OK, I'm impressed. This is already more positive than some of your other posts. :T

I don't want to take anything away from that. But be careful not to fall into the trap of "all or nothing" thinking. Again this puts undue pressure on yourself and your job to be a cure-all for what is wrong with your life.

"A job will solve my problems" is probably expecting too much and you will undoubtedly be disappointed. "A job will solve a lot of my problems" is almost saying the same thing, but would be more accurate and demonstrate a shift in your thinking towards the more realistic, less "black and white" tendencies which are also common in depression. The rest of the sentence and paragraph are spot on.

Thank you for thanking me for my post. But I'm more interested in your thoughts on it. Let me know how you get on with the lists.

Sometimes they're difficult to start, but start small... maybe you're proud of your 10m swimming certificate or the fact that you can whistle well. It doesn't matter. As you start to write things on the lists (try with a separate piece of paper for each) more will come.

I really must go to bed now, but I will check back tomorrow.