Genuine question on benefits from someone whom never claimed

Want_to_be_free

MY DSs care is now technically shared by me and his father. My question is , can claim careers allowance for my son?

Here is the history of our situation.
My DS had behavioural issues since he was small, first I asked help when he was six.
I struggled a lot with the situation, I worked full time and no family were there to help me .
When he was 10 , he pulled a knife at me so we were finally sent to CAMMS, there he was diagnosed with AS. At that point My parents offered help and my DS went to live with them for a while so I could get my life back together. But shortly after, they sent him back because , it was impossible for them to dealt with my DS. He had child psychologist working with him while he was at my parents...
Meanwhile DS's absent father was claiming that there was nothing wrong with him. ( His father used to see him 3 or 4 times a year since DS was 2 and never helped financially) I then get DS a second opinion and this time he was both diagnosed with AS and ADHD.

Two main things; 1) I chose to work so I can afford a future for us. 2) I received child benefit , now about £20 per week , and also about £40 per month as tax return.

When I started my journey on MSE , I was advised that I should claim careers allowance.
At the time I requested the paperwork but never went ahead with it.
Now just over a year things are changed in our lives.

My DS's father suddenly have a LBM about our child and asked me to let them to live together. This was after he had broken up with his long term GF. My DS was willing and I let him go. It was a tough time for several reasons that I am not going into. I also needed a break, I was mentally and physically drained.

Now the new arrangement is , my DS lives with his dad from Monday to Friday , and he goes to a school closed by. ( He excluded from the school near our home and he did not have a place in main stream for a while)
I look after him from Friday after school till Monday morning. He also spends all school holidays with me. I do not pay my ex hubby any child maintenance because he never paid a penny for 13 years . But I still pay for my son's Saturday school, I share half of the price of all his activities. I do not give the money directly to my ex, I still pay a fair bit towards DS. When he is around he would not do anything which would be expected from 14 years old. He comes to me very dirty, his father wants him to be independent so he does not wash his clothes or cooks his meal. DS is shown how to do it but he would never do it . He is happy to go around dirty or just eat ready meals out of fridge. When he comes to me he gets washed, cloths gets cleaned and he is fed properly , like any other house hold, like any other mothers would do. ( My ex's tactics are bothering me but that is another story. I guess now he understood , and willingly taken him to CAMMs and also trying to arrange DS to see NLP specialist which is £80 an hour so I choose to be quite right now)

One more thing, after pushing it with local authorities , I get my son statement at the age of 13 and now he is in the main stream with 20 hours additional help available to him.

So do you think I can claim any benefits , I look into web but I get confused so hopefully you wise people can help . I am not here to argue , which I noticed that is happening a lot on certain threads so please don't drag my post into one of those arguments. I am genuinely asking advice , and I will not dream of doing anything illegal as I am too much clean cut , well law obeying scary cat ...

DS's father agrees that I shall apply but also I want to put this money into a savings account for DS because truelly we don't know what future will bring for him. I am also very concern about this aspect.

Many thanks for taking time, reading and advising ....

[Deleted User]

does your son get DLA?if he does and gets middle or higher rate care then you can claim carers allowance providing you provide more than 35 hours of care and earn less then £100 a week

kingfisherblue

You can only claim carer's allowance if you get DLA at middle or higher rate for your son and you provide care for at least 35 hours a week, are not a full time student, and earn no more than £100 a week - so I doubt if you will qualify.

Child tax credits might be payable, but they usually go to the parent that has the child most nights.

Your ex could claim maintenance from you, even though you never received any from him. If he does, it is 15% of your income, less one seventh for every 52 night a year that your son stays overnight with you (so less 3/7ths if you have your son every Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights). paying for other things, such as activities or saviongs accounts, are not taken into consideration if the CSA become involved, and neither is any money that you give directly to your son.

If you are not happy with the care that your child's father gives, and you are not able to cope yourself, you need to consider what to do. You could involve Social Services - they are likely to have a Children with Disabilities team who could arrange some support for you or your ex. Could you have your son back at home if you had support?

Oldernotwiser

Or, if his father fits the criteria, he could claim it.

Want_to_be_free

woodbine wrote: »

does your son get DLA?if he does and gets middle or higher rate care then you can claim carers allowance providing you provide more than 35 hours of care and earn less then £100 a week

Woodbine , thank you . I earn more so I understood that cannot claim.

Want_to_be_free

kingfisherblue wrote: »

You can only claim carer's allowance if you get DLA at middle or higher rate for your son and you provide care for at least 35 hours a week, are not a full time student, and earn no more than £100 a week - so I doubt if you will qualify.

Child tax credits might be payable, but they usually go to the parent that has the child most nights.

Your ex could claim maintenance from you, even though you never received any from him. If he does, it is 15% of your income, less one seventh for every 52 night a year that your son stays overnight with you (so less 3/7ths if you have your son every Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights). paying for other things, such as activities or saviongs accounts, are not taken into consideration if the CSA become involved, and neither is any money that you give directly to your son.

If you are not happy with the care that your child's father gives, and you are not able to cope yourself, you need to consider what to do. You could involve Social Services - they are likely to have a Children with Disabilities team who could arrange some support for you or your ex. Could you have your son back at home if you had support?

Dear kingfisherblue, many thanks for this comprehensive answer . I don't think DS's father will claim maintenance because I am already paying half of everything but maybe I shall track it better to show proof just in case. My ex earns at least as twice as me so he told me that he cannot claim anything and if I want to I can go for it. He is not silly, he only agrees to have DS during school days and cannot wait him to come to me because DS is extremely demanding and my ex needs to calm down otherwise he cannot cope by himself . He doesn't admit it though. If he claims , I simply stop paying everything else which will be no good for my ex...

I will never go to Social Services route, not because I had heard horrible stories but instead I received the treatment first hand from them. To be honest our social worker coudn't care less. Last year I hospitalized , at the time DS's father was still refusing to help and I had to voluntarily send him to care , and never again ! If something happens to me I will ask my mum and dad to come , even though they do not live in UK . At the time my DS moved to his father, about 8 miles away, Social Services told us , they can no longer support us because child was out of the area and the new area Social Services refused to have us so we were left with our own devices.

Admittedly , I also need a break from DS , I am sorry if this sounds horrible but it is not about him living with me it is about me not being able to cope on my own, mentally but also physically because my DS is very tall and well built for his age, during his strikes he can truly hurt me. Since he has lliving with his father , our relationship is slightly better.

It is not that his father does not look after him, there is always food in the house , and anything else DS needs but he will not be looked after like a little kid because his father wants him to learn and be independent. I am happy to do washing etc... DS seems to be happy because first time in his life , he has many friends and he says he likes school. Not sure how this happened but I am not complaining.

Want_to_be_free

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Or, if his father fits the criteria, he could claim it.

No , he earns more then me . Thank you for your answer .

Want_to_be_free

So I cannot claim careers allowence , I wonder if we can claim DLA for DS at all ?
Any advice will be appreciated.
Many thanks

emmaface

The two areas a DLA claim looks at are mobility and care needs-for example, does your DS require help because he can't get to unfamiliar places on his own? Does he need someone with him to keep him safe? Does he need help to dress/wash/care for himself, even if it's just prompting because he won't do it without? If you gave him all the ingredients, could he cook a simple meal for himself? If your answer to any of those was "yes" it's probably worth you making a DLA claim for DS. I've had many a wrangle with them but I receive lower rate mobility and middle rate care for my mental health problems and would be happy to give you any help I can with the claim. There's an excellent site http://benefitsandwork.co.uk which has information guides on preparing the best possible DLA claims for children, however you do have to join at a cost of £19-probably the best twenty quid I ever spent, but if it's not possible for you you can contact a disability charity in your area who will have a great deal of experience with these claims
HTH!

Oldernotwiser

emmaface wrote: »

The two areas a DLA claim looks at are mobility and care needs-for example, does your DS require help because he can't get to unfamiliar places on his own? Does he need someone with him to keep him safe? Does he need help to dress/wash/care for himself, even if it's just prompting because he won't do it without? If you gave him all the ingredients, could he cook a simple meal for himself? If your answer to any of those was "yes" it's probably worth you making a DLA claim for DS. I've had many a wrangle with them but I receive lower rate mobility and middle rate care for my mental health problems and would be happy to give you any help I can with the claim. There's an excellent site http://benefitsandwork.co.uk which has information guides on preparing the best possible DLA claims for children, however you do have to join at a cost of £19-probably the best twenty quid I ever spent, but if it's not possible for you you can contact a disability charity in your area who will have a great deal of experience with these claims
HTH!

Surely not being able to cook a meal can't be a criterion for getting DLA for a child or else there's be thousands of them getting it!

Want_to_be_free

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Surely not being able to cook a meal can't be a criterion for getting DLA for a child or else there's be thousands of them getting it!

Hi oldernotwiser, I think within the concept of the total text, it makes sense. Emmaface is not singling out 'cooking' aspect but all of those in some kind of combination. My DS can cook with supervision but he would never do it himself although now getting better at feeding himself when hungary, thanks to microwave...