Advice on separation/divorce and finances

SILVERBIRD_3

I won't bore you all to tears with minute detail, and will try to summarise.

I would like some help on how to find out what financially I will be entitled to if I divorce my husband.

We have been married for 8 years and have 2 young children (6yrs and 4yrs). We have our ups and downs, although more downs that ups and quite frankly I'm fed up with the moods and negativity when he's around. He is verbally abusive, does not take responsibility for his actions (always blames someone else - usually me for the way he behaves), he involves the children in our arguments, he has been physically abusive to me in the past and there was an incident a couple of years ago when he punched me in the face so hard that I and the Police (that I phoned) thought he had broken my nose, he offers no support, does not look after me in anyway whether I'm well or ill. He updated his status on FB with "needs a woman", which when I spoke to him about it he laughed if off as a joke, I told him that it was disrespectful.. etc, etc

I have had enough, I deserve better. I work full time, earn a good'ish salary and have absolutely nothing to show for it but debts, no huge but enough that we have to watch our money very carefully, both our salaries are paid into 1 joint account. He smokes and will "try" giving up although with little conviction.

I just feel so confused, frightened that I may make the wrong decision, cause myself more financial hardship. I would not be able to afford the mortgage/bills etc on my salary alone, so would I be able to still live here with our children or would we have to sell the house...

When we bought the house (in joint names), I put down a deposit of just over £50k with his agreement that should anything happen between us I would get the £50k back with interest and any remaining equity would be shared equally.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

whitewing

He has punched you before - leaving him will not be a wrong decision.

Look at the Sticky for Women's Aid on the forum.

RAS

SILVERBIRD wrote: »

We have been married for 8 years and have 2 young children (6yrs and 4yrs). We have our ups and downs, although more downs that ups and quite frankly I'm fed up with the moods and negativity when he's around. He is verbally abusive, does not take responsibility for his actions (always blames someone else - usually me for the way he behaves), he involves the children in our arguments, he has been physically abusive to me in the past and there was an incident a couple of years ago when he punched me in the face so hard that I and the Police (that I phoned) thought he had broken my nose, he offers no support, does not look after me in anyway whether I'm well or ill..

The temptation is to tell you that you should have got out the first time he hit you.

I would suggest that you need to get him out of the house and you need to talk to a solictor about a restraining order but not to rush unless things start to blow up.

Be very careful as you set up plans to get rid of him; you need to make sure that your behaviour does not change in anticipation, or he will start to put you down even more fiercely than now.

SILVERBIRD wrote: »

I work full time, earn a good'ish salary and have absolutely nothing to show for it but debts, no huge but enough that we have to watch our money very carefully, both our salaries are paid into 1 joint account. He smokes and will "try" giving up although with little conviction..

Your starting point has to be that you set up a new basic bank account in your name only. Do not let him know anything about this account at all.

When you decide to jump, get all your income and benefits paid into this account. In the mean-time try to squirrel away small amounts of cash.

In whose names are the debts (his, yours or joint) and how much do you owe? And do you have an overdraft?

When you kick him out, you need to advise the bank in person and in writing that no further withdrawals on the joint account are to be made without both signatures. That stops him running up more debts for which you are jointly and severally liable. Do you have any joint card accounts?

SILVERBIRD wrote: »

I just feel so confused, frightened that I may make the wrong decision, cause myself more financial hardship. I would not be able to afford the mortgage/bills etc on my salary alone, so would I be able to still live here with our children or would we have to sell the house.....

Without figure it is hard to tell you.

Things to consider

1. He will have to pay you CSA to 20 percent of his net income but may choose to lose his job or go self employed.

2. You may be entitled to some support for your mortgage cost working tax credit or child tax credits; check www.turn2us.org.uk

3. Are you in a fixed rate at the moment? When does this end and is there a redemption penalty? Could you afford to pay interest only for a while?

you might want to put a trial SOA up on the debt free wannabee forum to get help.

Also consider readign up on the Old style forum, and check freebies and some of the challenges.

SILVERBIRD wrote: »

When we bought the house (in joint names), I put down a deposit of just over £50k with his agreement that should anything happen between us I would get the £50k back with interest and any remaining equity would be shared equally..

Is this a verbal agreement or did you get a proper deed of trust at the time. If it was verbal, then it is not worth anything, i am afraid. Although a divorce court might take with into account if you can prove that you were the source of the deposit.

Just it would be better off avoiding court if you can as it is expensive.

Errata

What would you rather have, a difficult financial situation or another punch on the nose. It would be a no-brainer for me, but we're all different.
See a solicitor about who could get what on divorce.

SILVERBIRD_3

Your starting point has to be that you set up a new basic bank account in your name only. Do not let him know anything about this account at all.

I have done this today, small amounts will be the only ones that I will be able to put away at the moment.

In whose names are the debts (his, yours or joint) and how much do you owe? And do you have an overdraft?

The debts are in both our names, he has a loan (£12k) in his name and I have 2 x credit cards in mine (totalling approx £4.5k). No overdraft as the money on one of the cards was the o/draft that's now being paid off interest free.

Do you have any joint card accounts?

No just a bank account that our salaries get paid into.

3. Are you in a fixed rate at the moment? When does this end and is there a redemption penalty? Could you afford to pay interest only for a while?

Yes on fixed rate, part interest part repayment, the bulk is repayment. There is a redemption penalty but I'm currently looking into whether to change and pay the penalty etc...

you might want to put a trial SOA up on the debt free wannabee forum to get help.

Also consider readign up on the Old style forum, and check freebies and some of the challenges.

Not sure how/where to do the above?

Is this a verbal agreement or did you get a proper deed of trust at the time. If it was verbal, then it is not worth anything, i am afraid. Although a divorce court might take with into account if you can prove that you were the source of the deposit.

Verbal agreement as the solicitor said he could draw something up but basically in a court it would not be worth the paper that it was written on. If a paper trail could be shown i.e. my property being sold, equity going to solicitors and then into my account and back out, etc, etc then it should be acted upon.

I can't thank you enough for all your advice and time, I really do appreciate it :-) xxx