Desperate

Tileland

Hello all, I am new and in the proverbial.

I was debt ridden fifteen years ago when I met my wife and with her help paid off all debts within a year
4 years ago I left a well paid job to set up a business with a friend at a much reduced salary. My wife and I had a difficult year and the friend screwed me over as well. During this time I used a credit card for the first time in ages to cover fuel and expenses.

I then set up my own business and really struggled and supplemented my income on the card, then switched cards twice but kept the old ones and got a loan. The busienss suffered more and as a result I thought the quick and easy thing to do was use the card thinking every next month would be better

I have since set up another business with a large investment on my part and that of the bank and this is taking longer to develop than I thought and I have been suplementing our income again and this is pushing me further into debt. We have had a baby as well (which is excellent) but means our income dropped even further as my wife stopped working

As a result I owe personal on cards and loan £24,350, business bank loan £16,000 and £6900. A further lump was borrowed for the business some months back from friends and this has been requested back which will now swallow up a shareholding I have jsut cashed and that is the assetts gone.

To add to this I have kept my persoanl debts from my wife as I am scared witlessa that she will find it hard to cope with me having done this again and I could lose her and my son and I could not handle this as as foolish and stupid as I know I have been it has been to try to give us a better future. All I have achieved is to screw it up though.

I work all hours and have recently got a job to pay me money so we don't keep using what we did have in the business and this is helping but I cannot make the payments anymore and am overdue with 3 cards and the loan and I don't know what to do. I also owe money in the business as the bank removed support a few months back so I supplemented that as well.

The only shining light is the business (which owes us a lot of money) which has got stacks of potential and is attracting investors so I want to keep on to develop this and become succesful and retrieve our investment.
I flit between 'our' and 'I' as some of this my wife knows about and some she doesn't. I hate myself for keeping this from her as I know that marriage is about us but I know I will dissapoint her and I hate the thought of this as I love her so much I just can't face owning up to having let her down again. I feel very depressed at times and so alone as I don't talk to anyone about this. I want to talk to my wife as she is my friend as well but I am scared she won't be able to take it again and will no longer trust me.

I need help and advice but also I think I could lose my wife and I can't do this.

I am finding this hard and very upsetting so will come back later.

taplady

Hi Tileland!

sorry you're having a rotten time. Its obvious you care deeply for your family and I know you feel you're letting your wife down but she may feel even more let down by the fact that you're keeping things from her albeit to protect her when she does find out. I'm no expert but I think it is better to be honest with her and to try and work this out together. I am sure you will get lots of good advice here as most of us are or have been in similar situations ourselves.
Sorry I cant offer you any practical advice but I hope you manage to start and sort things out

All the best

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Hi T,

Welcome to MSE. You are in the right place.:beer:

Could you post an SOA ?

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280

You have been involved with 3 businesses which (not necessarily through your fault) have all put you into debt.

Probably not what you want to hear, but why not go back to being an employee ?(less stress, normal hours, holiday pay, guaranteed money etc)

Keep posting.

themaccas

Welcome Tileland, yourdebts are not insurmountable but much of this stress is coming from the secrecy of the debt. I know you may not wish to tell your wife at the moment, but she probably knows something is wrong and is worried about you. Only by telling her can you really start to address the situation, honestly and openly, she sounds wonderful and I am sure she will be relieved to know what is wrong in the end.

Business wise it sounds like there is potential but that is no good right now as you need cashflow to make payments for your debts. I would agree with BestThings in that a paying job (as an employee) would be the best way to go. It sounds like your current business is not working out at the moment and it could be time to move on. However this is just what I think from the info you gave in your posting, the final choices must be right for you and your family.

Take care and keep posting

Tileland

Thanks for your advice, I have taken a paying job which netts me about £1000 a month so this is helping us but we have no other income so it is not enough and that is our outgoings without including the 'hidden' expenses.
My wife has been so supportive while I have been setting up the business and I know if we succeed it will be due to the risks I have taken but I wish 'we' had taken them and I hate that I have done this to us. I need to think about this some more as it is really starting to get on top of me now and I get really stressed and upset a lot.
I am still unsure of the best way forward, I know what I should do but am not sure if I can

Tileland

I know as well that if business grew and we got out the cash invested then we would have no more debts so it is difficult to walk away and leave this

vivaladiva

Is there any way you can continue with the business on a part-time basis? Or perhaps put it to one side whilst you get back on your feet?

Tileland

I only work 2 days on average on the business plus all the other hours I get as I spend 3 working days on other paid work

Kevicho

TBH there is no shame in the fact that your plans haven't quite gone as expected, and your wife clearly loves you, i think you need to tell her as soon as you can.

Keep going, and be positive, it will happen if you have a good business plan and are dedicate enough

Kev

vivaladiva

If you post an SOA (see southernscouser's sticky at top of page) I'm sure loads of people will be along to help you make the most of what you have.
If you decide to tell your wife, Martin has said in the past that it is better if you have a plan t get you out of the mess.
HTH
Keep posting.

orphiel

Hi Tileland

Without knowing a lot more about your circs obviously advice is going to be brief, but I'll give you some idea of options.

You've already done a really good thing, which is admit that you can't carry on the way things are going at the moment, with all the cards, and the juggling of money, etc.

What I would suggest first is to contact a money adviser in your area, as they can go through everything with you in more detail, and ask all relevant questions. As they are unlikely to deal with business debts if you are not a sole trader, and the business is still going, you could also get in touch with Business Debtline, on 0800 197 6026 or at https://www.bdl.org.uk
If you go to the CAB in your area, they may have a specialist money adviser there, or be able to put you in touch with someone else.
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ to find your local one.

An important thing to think about is whether you can actually afford to keep trading. If you are actually losing money whilst trading, or you owe money to the IR, this is especially important.

A possible way to keep trading, and to address the debt problems, is to look into an Individual Voluntary Arrangement, which may be suitable if you have some spare income, in the region of £200-300 per month, to pay your creditors. Advantages of this are once it is set up, your creditors cannot harrass you for any more money, and the debt would be cleared within a few years. You would also most probably be able to keep the business, and your home if you own it.
If there's no way to keep trading, and you do not own any assets, you could consider bankruptcy.

Obviously either of these are quite big decisions, so it's vital to get help with them. You'd also feel a lot better talking to someone who has dealt with these problems before, and having a solid plan.
Advice am win.

Hope the mention of the dreaded IVAs or bankruptcy does not freak you out, just letting you know there are definitely options out there.

Orphiel