im dying for help

oriental333

Cancer is a terrible illness for anybody,but when it touches someone whom is so full of life and when you get told your life will end it becomes a living nightmare to watch my beloved partner polly deal with her pain and sadness.
we met 20 years ago ,pollys sons were so young about 12to 14 years old. and till this day one son has never forgiven his mother and at times treats his mother like what i can only describe as dirt.
The other son grew up and accepted me and took the stance of forgetting the past and moving on with his life.
our lives continued as normal couples do, we moved in together,bought a home and took holidays like normal couples do.
november 2009 polly had started to cough persistantly and i askd her to attend her gp, she did and was given some cough medicine,the cough continued and i told her to return within the week
it was now december a couple of weeks before christmas that polly had an xray and she was called urgently back felt and told that they had seen lumps in her right breast. this time in our life was so traumatic, i had been suspended at work for speaking out about faulty workplace equipment that had meracuasly turned into a suspension for bullying and was fighting for my job going to hearings and polly was taken into hospital.
i thought i was going to loose her that year, but she battled through and had a full mastectomy of her right breast, I won my appeal at work and returned, everything was okay again.Polys son had a grandchild that she doted on, but his attitude towards his mother remined cold, he showed little concern for his mother and this caused many arguments between us both as polly prevented me from wanting to have a quiet word in his ear.she wanted to be involved with her grandson but he would only take texting as a means of communication and would only reply when he wanted to, usually a day or two later.
at the start of 2011 polly was full of hope having just made a decision to have her right breast rebuilt, she had seen the consultant whom sent her way for another routine xray.
the x ray came back with more lumps and a ct scan was done within days, her cancer had spread from her breast to her lungs and liver.
chemo was started in march and she went off sick from work, i watched her go through the pain of nausea and fatigue,the frightening experience of having needles puncture her arms every three weeks and the endless waiting at the hospital for her life changing drug, but she shined through.she lost her hair and felt so low, she even invited an elderly freind of hers to our home, and whilst she was so weak i watched her bathe her freind, she was so concerned about her more than herself
pollys coughing got worse and it would keep her awake at nights ,she and i would sleep no more than three hours, she returned to work but another ct scan was taken and testerday the final blow was dealth her cancer had doubled in size, in the consultanys room i held her hand as she broke down in tears, she was brave enough to ask how long she had left, she was told and it devastated us both, we wanted to see her mum whom lives far away one last time but that is in doubt now, soon we will loose everything, the house but there is one thing that i will never loose and that is my love for polly, i want her to know that she is the world to me and that i cant live without her..

wooohooo

Didnt want to read and not reply,I dont really know what to say,I have lost a few members of my family to the dreaded C,
My sister recently had the all clear from Breast cancer
Every day Is precious,dont know what to say about the sons as only You two people can decide

Thoughts are with you all xx

inkyblue_2

but Polly is a very lucky girl, she knows what love is and what it feels like to be cherished.

My very best wishes go to you both and your family, none of us know waht is coming next may your future however long it is be full of love and hope.

( I also have had the dreaded breast cancer, chemo etc in the last 18 months)

good luck

sophieschoice

I am sorry that the lady, who is obviously the love of your life, is suffering and has been given such a bleak prognosis.
Although I understand your disaffection for the son who has shut her out of his life, in the long term it will be his loss. I hope he wakes up and realises this before it's too late. Afterwards it will be too late and he will have to live with that for the rest of his life. He is to be pitied. Don't waste your valuable energy on him because you will need to draw on your own reserves from now on. Can you take leave of absence from work to care for your partner? On a practical level make sure you apply for the upper rate DLA, which is paid almost immediately without question to patients who are terminally ill, which will help you out financially. MacMillan Nurses and the District Nurses will be a big help if you decide to nurse her at home. Ask her what she wants.
There is no easy way to get over the death of a loved one. My own experience is two years of hurt. Many bad days interspersed with the occasional good ones and, in time, more good days with just the odd bad one. You will always love her and you won't ever forget her and I know right know you don't believe you can live without her. No one will tell you it's easy because it's not. It's terribly hard. But if she loves you the way you obviously love her then she will want you to carry on. This wretched disease will take her. Don't let it take you.
Before you met, if someone had offered you twenty years of pure happiness but said the deal was you had to endure two years of unhappiness as the pay off, would you have taken it? I think you know the answer....

jazzypinkpuppet

Nothing I can write will take away even a tiny amount of the pain you must be feeling right now. If you haven't already done so, I would highly recommend you call Mcmillan, they are able to offer so much support and advice.
I will keep you and Polly in my prayers

busiscoming2

I didn't want to read and then not say anything. Polly is lucky to have someone who loves her like you obviously do, make the most of the time you have together and as the others have said Mcmillan are very good. I feel for you, but nothing can take away your devastation.