I can't cope

carolannie

I have mental health problems
Stuck on ESA benefts, till I am well enough to work again
I have 4 lazy a*se sons, youngest is 14, who only care if the internet is on and food in the fridge.
My ex, their dad, is useless.
I came in today and the kitchen is a wreck - that was it :mad:
I threw the shopping on the floor and told them I had had enough

What can I do? They will turn out as useless adults
I am no use to them as I can't even give them a good example (can't work)

i am having cbt and she knows that my homelife is making me worse.

What do other people do? just struggle on till they have a breakdown

How can I tell my doctor, my family are making me worse?
What is he supposed to do!

I have no one who can help me with my kids. they just want what they want and don't want to do any work around the house.

I don't know how to get out of this mess

carolannie

sat here feeling bad that I lost my temper with them.
But I spent hours cleaning over the weekend and their attitude stinks.

newcook

if the youngest is 14 Im assuming the others are old enough to work? tell them to get a job or move out.

if they expect food to be cooked for them tell them you expect a kitchen that you can cook in.

if 14 year old wont help around the house then have the internet disconnected.


just because you may not be well enough to work does not mean you cannot set a good example of how to treat people, how to respect people and how things in life do not come for free.

RAS

How old are these joys? Who is in school or at work?

Do they have any contact with their dad?

Do you have any family around who could be useful?

podperson

Aww hun, I think you need to be putting your foot down. I would draw up a list of what they are expected to be doing round the house and if it's not done then make sure you have consequences in place - I would say top of the list losing their internet! Is standing up to them something you find difficult because of your health problems? If so maybe your CBT nurse could help you with some exercise to work on?

carolannie

I do take the modem away, when they don't help. That is the only thing they bother about.

I have picked up 2 more forms for housing, for the older ones. They say they want to move, but do nothing.
They forms I got ages ago never got filled in.
I wish I had somewhere else to go and leave them to it.

I have calmed down now and a few pots have been washed by the youngest 2

I need the older 2 gone at least. They need to stand on their own 2 feet, but I feel guilty, like everything is my fault, even though I know it's not.

I am doing a pc /office course, to try and do someting positive and help me get work soon.

They need a rocket up their jacksie, but I don't know how to make them do things for themselves.

They think "oh, she's off again, moaning - keep out of her way till she shuts up"

Then it all carries on as before

merlot123

I fully agree with newcook. You need to firm with the boys. Turn the internet off today, and get them to help you. You are their mother, not housekeeper, they are all old enough to lend a hand.

Draw up a chore list, and give each son a few chores to do, boys/men don't always see what woman see, they need to be told.

Its easier said than done not to lose temper, but simply walk out of room and take some time for yourself, your health and wellbeing is important. Only you can implement these changes and they may be difficult for you initially, but having sons who can "do" is an absolute must these days, woman tend to work as long as men these days, long gone are the days the woman does it all. You will be teaching them a life skill, and that in itself is a worthwhile job.

crazyguy

Set them all a list of chores and tell them if they fail then no internet for a set time, it sounds like you going through pretty much what every other parent to teenagers goes through, I think its called lazyitass be strong put your foot down and the older ones should be told shape up or ship out.

carolannie

thank you everyone. I will keep these tips and use them.

Why should I be popping more pills, to deal with the stress.

The shouting seems to have worked. They are getting on with their rooms now (putting bunk beds together)
It should have to come to this though. It does me no good, shouting at them. it's not how I am really.
But asking nicely is not getting results.

2 older ones have lost their jobs and don't have any get up and go
I'm looking after them, but am not doing them any favours.

I want them to move out and work and be like other people

There is guilt in me, because I have been ill for years, on and off, and it has affected out relationship.

But I need them off my hands (the older ones) youngest are at school and college.

Their dad has moved away with his new girlfriend and doesn't give me money. He helped with clothes for the new term, but nothing the rest of the time.

I really do appreciate the replies. I need practical help at the moment.

crazyguy

Dont let your illness cloud your judgement here they need to take reponsability for there own actions and assist with everday tasks to help you.

carolannie

Off the cook the tea now.

Thank you again.

Something has to change. else we just keep going round in circles and no one is happy