I can't cope

merlot123

If the older ones have both lost their jobs, they should be helping you the most in order to "pay" you rent, its not free to live and they need to know that.

You can get practical help from the two older boys, tell them they have a month to help out and complete the chore list, otherwise they are out (be firm with it and follow the threat through).

Are they looking for work? If not, they need to be, they could volunteer at a charity shop, it will look good on their cv. No need for them to sat at home on internet all day, they are wasting their lives.

p.s. get them to help out cooking tea.

lizziem_2

Draw up a rota. Write down all the household chores and divide them equally among everyone who lives there. If they do not do their share the internet is switched off until it is done. Since they are not working, are you paying for their mobiles if they have them? If so that is another lever, confiscate them.

With regard to the jobs, there are not many around at the moment. However it sounds like they are not applying for any. What my mum did was get really angry and basically throw us out with a yellow pages and our mobiles and say, don't bother coming back unless you have got something, whether paid or voluntary or signed up with an agency it doesn't matter as long as you can show you are trying.

BitterAndTwisted

Yes, something does have to change and it won't be them until and unless you are firm and consistent in what you expect from them.

Losing your temper is completely understandable under the circs and I don't think you should be feeling guilty about it at all.

Do yourself a favour and get rid of the internet at home or at least some way of limiting their access to it. This might be the final "push" that gets the two older ones off their bums and into jobs.

Don't be bullied and don't give in. Get together after dinner and work out a fair rota of chores for everyone. Anyone who doesn't pull their weight will have sanctions imposed.

To be fair, they sound just like a lot of teenagers these days, so it's not just you or your parenting that's the problem. They're not called the "nightmare years" for nothing.

bestpud

Are the older two claiming JSA? They should be paying a share of the bills out of that.

geoffky

sit down and tell them how you feel and ask them what they can do for you to make your life better...moving out would be one..

kazwookie

1. remove the internet
2. Stop buying them food
3. stop cooking food for them
4. stop washing their clothes
5. give them a list of chores and make sure they do them
6. give them the housing forms again
7. tell them rent / board is now £x per week payable in advance
8. don't give them any money or pay for their mobile phones

And stick to it all....

Arthurian

Enter your postcode at http://www.volunteering.org.uk/WhatWeDo/Local+and+Regional/VolunteerCentreFinderGoogle

which then shows you your nearest volunteering centre, with contact details. If you make the first effort to set them up with a volunteer position, the boys might just be able to find the motivation to go along - out of your hair and improving their CV at the same time.

Kay_Peel

Wake the unemployed boys in the morning and make them leave the house and not come back until 5pm. It will do you good to have some time on your own. Make it a routine! They get up, they go out and they come back in the evening, just as if they were working.

or

Tell the two eldest to go somewhere else and pack their bags. You are unable to cope with things but you might be able to cope better if you just had the young ones to look after. They can go to their Dad's or a mates - not your problem. Your main focus is to stay well for your younger children's sakes.

Start teaching your youngest teens to be different. Show them how to cook one budget family meal - something simple that they have to do from scratch. (They will thank you for this vital skill in later life.) Make them put a meal on the table at the weekend, leaving the kitchen spotless.