At my wits end with ex....

DUTR

tintingirl wrote: »

Thank you Soubrette. I have mentioned the CSA to him a while ago and he laughed and told me to go for it and see how far I get. That's why I'm worried he's looked into it and will try and go for the child benefit for one child. As it stands, even with the reduction, and based on what he was earning when we split up (although he's had 2 big promotions since then) I'd get £35 per week. So that would be about what he has been paying, although he also pays the big bills on top at the moment. I would look to use the Child Support for the big bills and let him pay his own childcare expenses (which I currently pay on his behalf out of what he gives me).

You are right to think it through, it's an easy calculation 15% max vs whatever he spends now, I know finacially I'm better off paying CSA and managed to clear my mortgage even earlier than planned

Kimitatsu

She would get 20% of his net income though DUTR for two children

OP only you can make this decision, however in the eyes of the CB office it is the parent with the most number of nights who is awarded the CB. If you have them an equal number then they look at where the children are registered for school, doctor etc, however there would be nothing to stop you each having the CB for one child each.......

Marrying a new partner is always a difficult one - sounds like his new wife is kicking up a fuss to be honest, so you need to sit down and work things out with him if you can. Ultimately the things you have highlighted affect the children more than you , and issues such as doctors and schooling come under child protection as much as anything else. Regardless of whose day it is, then your son should have seen a doctor, and your ex needs to understand that.

Perhaps you need to review the nights which he has them, because if he has a 90 minute drive either way, it may not be so convenient for him, but he doesnt know how to broach that subject. It may just be that as the children are growing up, the bond between them is different (teenagers esepcially go through that stage) and he is feeling that he has moved on, and doesnt feel the need to be as responsible. CM does NOT follow the CB, CB is not a qualifying issue for CM or it shouldnt be, so either way you should still be able to keep that. In my experience it takes the CB office months and months to move them over anyway and they ask for the permission of both parents, so it wont just disappear overnight.

Start with a meeting to have a discussion and then see where your options lie

Strapped

I wondered how long it would take for someone to suggest cutting down his time with the children.

Same old predictable board!

skibadee

. CM does NOT follow the CB, CB is not a qualifying issue for CM or it shouldnt be, so either way you should still be able to keep that. In my experience it takes the CB office months and months to move them over anyway and they ask for the permission of both parents, so it wont just disappear overnight.
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I thought that the parent who CB was payable to was deemed PWC and therefore deemed them able to claim CM???

fannyanna

I think you're betting off agreeing a fixed amount of child support rather than paying half of everything.

From an NRP perspective he has no control over what you buy but has to pay for half of it.

Set a regular monthly amount. If he doesn't agree to it go to the CSA and let them set a regular monthly amount.

Kimitatsu

Strapped wrote: »

I wondered how long it would take for someone to suggest cutting down his time with the children.

Same old predictable board!

No if you read my post its about when he has them rather than cutting down the amount of time - you are right though some people have the same predictable response!

skibadee wrote: »

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I thought that the parent who CB was payable to was deemed PWC and therefore deemed them able to claim CM???

No its a common misconception but CB is not a qualifying condition for being deemed a PWC, the NRP can claim CB and still have to pay CM.

kevin137

I am in a similar situation with my current g/f, her other half decided that he didn't want to pay and would rather have shared custody. This is good for the children, and is good for us as well.

However, getting money from him for the shared expenses is never going to happen. The other difference is i now live in Norway, and they DO share the CB, so while he gets half the money, we still end up with more expenses...! I am returning to the UK this week for a few days, and i normally pick her youngest up on Tuesdays & Fridays, however this week, is his week, and i told him he would have to arrange something...! His answer was my g/f will have to do it as he has work...! He works for social services here and they are very understandable, so much so that you can take child sick days. I cannot believe his attitude...!

My answer to you would be, do what we are starting to do, he returns cloths that are unwashed at the end of the week and when they go back, they go back dirty...! He is starting to get the message...! Although i did threaten him recently that if we really wanted to be awkward they would go with NO clothes and he could buy what they needed while they are with him... It did not go down well, but i think that it made him sit up and think about just how easy he has it right now...!!!