Divorce / csa / spousal maintenance

Giraffe5021

New to the forum and looking for help and advice from.....well anyone that can help or advise really!!
Long complicatec story so I will try to summarise (but forgive me if I omit something relevant or crucial):
1) split 2 years ago after 20 years of marraige
2) 3 children - 1 of 13, 1 of 10 and 1 of 8
3) ever since split I have paid EVERY ex matital home bill (mortgage, insurance, council tax, sky, utilities etc etc). I did this because I love my kids with all my heart and wanted their lives to continue with minimum of other upset / alteration at what was plainly a difficult time for all concerned). During this time I also paid maintenance of just under £1k pcm.
4) I lodged with family to minimise cost but nevertheless outgoings were outstripping income
5) Credit Cards are maxed out (some since the split but significant amount pre dating the split)
6) financial situation has, as you would expect, become critical and cannot continue
7) is a significant salary differential between my earnings and ex's earnings hence need to pay spousal maintenance for a period
8) I walk away from house leaving family there and retain a modest Mesher Charge until house is sold (again trying to minimise any detrimental impact on the children an enforced move may have)
9) we are part way through divorce and are seeing mediator to try to agree amicable financial split (and i would again reiterate I want to do the right thing by my children and ensure that ex is financially ok too).
My proposal is that I pay 25% CSA dictated payment + spousal maintenance which would amount to 35% of my nett monthly income. This would leave me enough to live, clear the credit card debt and establish & furnish a new rented home plus have some food!!
Nett effect of this for ex is by the time she has CSA maintenance, spousal maintenance, salary, working / child tax credit and child benefit she will have nett income equivalent to £50k gross pa.
Evidentally this is not enough!!
Ex has indicated she wants more and mediator appeared to say she felt ex would be entitled to more.
Am I missing something?
I think I have gone out of my way to do what I perceive to be the right thing for all concerned (probably except me!!).
I would appreciate any advice / thoughts / guidance.....and if I am missing something then I am prepared to be shot down in flames but I am being potentially left in a situation where I will have no cash to live and will have no money to establish a new home (albeit rented as I will not be released from the mortgage and will be unable to buy my own property) and furnish it bearing in mind that I am leaving everything in the ex marital home for ex and my children.
Any help you can offer a very worried Dad would be apprecaited greatly!!

RAS

Hi

you may be better off on the marriage and relationships forum.

If she is working as you suggest, then I would suggest that do not need to pay spousal maintenance at all.

Do you however have any other substantial assets like a pension?

Giraffe5021

Sorry new here so may have posted in wrong forum!
Yes have pension - this factored into deal that I only retain small mesher charge on the property rather than start from 50/50 split.

RAS

No need to apoligise, we do not (all) bite.

Just the folks here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=24 have more experience advising people on relationship breakdown stuff.

Giraffe5021

Ok thanks I will repost it there.
Thanks for your help