Disgruntled teen re EMA payments for 6th form/college

kazl_2

DD thinks we're really stingy because we don't give her pocket money and she doesn't get EMA (£30 per week if household income less than £30k per yr). A lot of her friends get it. Just because we earn lucky enough to earn over the limit doesn't mean we have a spare £30 cash to give her each week :mad: She has a part time job so I dont think she needs pocket money as well.
Generally the kids think we are being stingy since we've cut back following LBM. It's really hard because we don't want them to know what a mess are finances are in and that we've been stupidly living beyond our means for many years hence the debts
Any tips for dealing with this and easing my guilty conscience re drastic change in lifestyle since LBM would be greatly appreciated?

skylight

Ema is only £30 for income less than £20700, £20 for less than a middle amount I cant remembr right now and £10 for income less than £28k - so firstly I wouldn't neccessarily believe her that ALL her friends get £30 a week!

How about laying your cards on the table?? And go through ALL your finances together and show her what mistakes can happen?

Have you thought about letting her have her CB each month? I know it not a lot compared to EMA, but its something? Can you stretch to that? But tell her that her expenses musst come out of it?

themaccas

I'm with you on this one, kazl. If she earns money through a part time job then that should be sufficient for her. I really wish my DS1 (16) could get one but he is at boarding school full time (OH in Forces and they pay 90% of fees before anyone asks why). We give him an allowance of £20 per week which might seem a lot but he has to use it to pay for all his extras like his haircut, snacks, trips out and when he is home in the holidays he helps out a lot. However if he were at home and had a saturday job he would not get anything more from us.

You are setting a good example in that she has to work for her money and in the long run she will be pleased she had the responsibility.

itsarichmansworld

I never got pocket money when I was younger cause I worked.

I am happier for it now feel as though I earned my cash when I was younger

kazl_2

themaccas wrote:

I'm with you on this one, kazl. If she earns money through a part time job then that should be sufficient for her. I really wish my DS1 (16) could get one but he is at boarding school full time (OH in Forces and they pay 90% of fees before anyone asks why). We give him an allowance of £20 per week which might seem a lot but he has to use it to pay for all his extras like his haircut, snacks, trips out and when he is home in the holidays he helps out a lot. However if he were at home and had a saturday job he would not get anything more from us.

You are setting a good example in that she has to work for her money and in the long run she will be pleased she had the responsibility.

Thanks for the support.

She earns £200-300 per month out of which she pays her bus fares to and from work and driving lessons. We pay for her college bus pass, have food available for packed lunches and pay for paper, pens etc for college. We also buy her some of her clothes. If she has big expenses like college trips we pay for them.

kazl_2

charlotte664 wrote:

Have you thought about letting her have her CB each month? I know it not a lot compared to EMA, but its something? Can you stretch to that? But tell her that her expenses musst come out of it?

We tried this when she was younger but she spent all the money in the first few days then spent the rest of the month trying to beg and borrow extra off us!

Pobby

When I was 16 and going on to further education I worked on Saturdays at the Co-op and played in a soul band most weekends.Mind you that was the mid 60s.

AndyR_3

I stopped getting pocket money as soon as I started part time work. I told my parents to stop paying it, and wouldn't have accepted it if they'd offered. They could have afforded it but I didn't feel it necessery when I was earning my own money, plus I felt more "grown up" I suppose, not relying on the bank of mum and dad!

Oldernotwiser

You should explain to your daughter that an EMA is not intended to be pocket money but is for college expenses such as fares,lunches, materials and trips, all of which you are paying for her. I work in a college and know that many young people have to give their parents part of this for their keep, rather than the other way round! If you were to give her this money she would have over £100 pw week spending money which seems an obscene amount for someone of 16/17/18 in full time education. I would also be more open with her about your financial situation as it sounds as though she presently has little idea of the value of money. She won't like it but it needs saying.

Quackers

kazl wrote:

She earns £200-300 per month out of which she pays her bus fares to and from work and driving lessons. We pay for her college bus pass, have food available for packed lunches and pay for paper, pens etc for college. We also buy her some of her clothes. If she has big expenses like college trips we pay for them.

I think you do more than enough.

That is very similar to the experience I had whilst at college -there was no such thing as EMA then.

I had to pay for my own college trips though & as I was doing Travel & Tourism there were lots of trips! I also had to buy all of my clothes.

Oldernotwiser's comments about what EMA is for is a very valid one and should be explained to her.

There's also the possiblity that she is stretching the truth slighty about what her friends get as a way of trying to get more out of you We all did it!

3plus1

Look at it from your daughter's point of view.

It may not be that she doesn't appreciate the value of money, but that she thinks her dad is raking it in, and not only will he not share this money with her, but he's sending her out to work! How unfair is that?

If you explain to her that your financial situation is actually pretty grim, she's going to realise you don't in fact have stacks of money to hand out :rolleyes: , and will stop pushing the issue. She's only trying it on because she thinks you can afford it. Be honest with her.