Sharing a house with the in laws

pearl123

In my experiene living with in-laws deeply affects a couples relationship. Even if the house were huge - I believe problems would arrise.
At the end of the day we are not all the same peas-in-a-pod. The age differance alone make for differences.
Have you done anything like a long holiday all together? Althought, this is not the same it would give a slight indication how you all might get on.

spadoosh

My g/f moved in with me when i was at home to help save for a deposit. I dunno wether it was because it was my parents or just odd but it seemed to go okay.

What are you motives for moving in other than saving them money?!

Im sure it would be more difficult with kids involved but its just a case or respecting everyones privacy. I honestly dont think it would be you who has more problems more like your in laws in dealing with the kids, then the inlaws telling you how to parent and then you kicking off at in laws.

NAR

bigmaz my daughter, her partner and our grandson lived with us for approx 4 to 5 months last year, while their house was built. Now we are (IMHO) very laid back and easy going and we all got along okay. Best part for us I suppose was seeing grandson grow up and no we were not put upon as easy babysitters, as we continued to have our social life.

Privacy does get compromised no matter how hard you try and as others have said, there is only ever one cook in the kitchen!

Draw your own conclusions when I say Grandson is welcome to stay over with us anytime. :A

desert_rose

Really not a good idea. There's the generation gap and it does exist.

Then there's the tension of having other people around on a permanent basis. It always leads to issues of privacy, who pays for what and when and very often, the default position kicks in so that the younger of the generations ends up reverting to a pre-adult time and taking stuff for granted....which the older generation then gets a bit ticked off about...

It can get a bit fraught.

barbiedoll

If you do move in with them you need to make absolutely clear how much you and your wife are going to be paying for the rent and/or bills, BEFORE you move.

If they are struggling to keep the house now, what will they be like when you want to move out and the rent stops coming? Will they lean on your wife to get her to talk you into staying longer? And why can't they manage their outgoings now, are they bad with money? You may find that you end up paying out a lot more than you budgeted for. My parents lived with my dad's parents for a time, just after they married. My mum worked out that the money they were paying to her MIL for food (on top of the rent) was feeding all four of them!

If you really want to do this, you need to have a meeting and get everyone to agree the rent, the contribution to bills (if any), how they feel about babysitting (they may not be so keen after hearing your kids yelling all day!) and the cooking/eating arrangements. Also, as another poster said, have a regular monthly meeting when you live there, so that everyone has the chance to air any grievances and little niggles won't then build up into major dramas.

My husband's nephew did this with his in-laws and everyone got on fine. His MIL is a vicar and he did tell my husband that he felt guilty having s e x with his wife in the vicar's house! :rotfl: But they did save a lot of money and now they're in their own place, so it can work out well for some people. Good luck, whatever you decide.

Plans_all_plans

We lived with my in laws for 18 months and I thought it was great. Not sure how they feel about it now looking back but they never expressed any discontent with the set up. We never rowed, they gave us our own privacy/we theirs and we didn't have any set groundrules before moving in - except how much rent we'd pay them.

In the end, it worked out like this: if either my MIL or myself started cooking, the other one would come and help. If anyone started cleaning, the people who weren't would get up and help. It worked really well and I think it was really nice for them to see our daughter every day and see her grow up.

As for a generation gap: my MIL is 61, FIL 56, my husband is 27 and I'm 26 and we all got on and I didn't notice a generation gap.

I would never in a million years live with my own parents again. I can't bear to soend a weekend at their house, so it does entirely depend on the personalities involved.

Good luck with it.

j19842

We spent a month with my Girlfriends parents, while our new place was not yet ready. When I first learnt we'd have to do this, I was disappointed - mainly because we'd just returned from a holiday - and I'd spent the whole time really looking forward to moving into the new place - fresh start etc - so it came as a shock.

Don't get me wrong, the 'in-laws' are absolutely lovely people, who would bend over backwards for us, and I know without doubt, all they wanted to do was help. They would cook, do our clothes, and not hear of taking a penny from us, despite offers. They would include us in takeaways, meals out, and if I'm honest, almost spoil us.

I was however, still in a bit of a catch 22. Whilst I am, genuinely, hugely grateful for such hospitality - I am also a very independent person, so it felt very weird for me to live this way. Also, as much as they tried to make me feel at home - I was concious I was living in someone elses house. I didn't feel comfortable to just go and make a drink, put some beers in the fridge, put my feet on the furniture, lark around, listen to music, etc.

I am also not big on TV, however they have it on much of the time, so I spent many evenings, I hate to say it - quite bored and uncomfortable. They are also very chatty, and sometimes, I just like to be quiet.

So as it was, although I stress I am hugely grateful, and love my inlaws to bits, I can't see that living with any inlaws for anything more than a short term arrangement, could ever be workable...

Darlyd

I could live with my parents, as they are so laid back, and I am sure DH would too, as he gets on with my Father very well.

BUT

Would I live with MIL? Not for a million pound, no way, omfg absolutely not!! lol

As long as you all get on, then no problem.... Don't know till you try

carefullycautious

:eek::eek::eek:

Steel_2

I could live with my in-laws, but neither of us can tolerate more than three hours with my parents.

We stayed with hubby's parents for three days last Christmas and it was nice, but I did take MIL to one side when we got there and told her that I sometimes hit overload point with TV and would take myself off for a bath or to read in our room and not to take offence, that I am quite a solitary self-sufficient person. And that if I went in the kitchen I would do what was needed at the time - washing up, tea, sandwiches - and not to worry about what I was doing or feel that she had to do it.

However MIL can be a bit of a 1950s housewife (and at 76 she's entitled) and says odd things in genuine horror like:

"You're not going to X with Mr Steel?"
*gasp**wild stares around the room*
"But you're his WIFE!!!

It will be over peculiar things like me not going with him to drop someone off at the airport, or not going to the field with him when he's with his buddy flying his model airplanes. She's made my FIL her life and does nothing without him, so hubby and I spending any time apart is genuinely astonishing for her.