Sharing a house with the in laws

bigmaz

Hi guys

Just as the title says, we have been having chats with the mrs' parents. And they were asking if we fancied moving into their house. They do have quite a big house, and it would be split upstairs and downstairs. We would be sharing the kitchen, and garden. Everything else, we would have our own space, seperate Living rooms, bathroom etc. Was just wondering if anyone else has experience of this? We have 2 young kids, 2 and 4 year olds. Just wondering how you found it? I do get on with the in laws by the way, lol. I am not bothered about hearing peoples opinions if they have not had experience of this.

Their last child has left the house, so its just them in the big house, so they have no digs coming in etc, so would help them with the bills if we are there.

Cheers guys

PinkLipgloss

Personally, I would avoid this like the plague!

Husband and I temporarily lived with my mum (just moved into the country, looking for our own place) and would NEVER do it again!

julie03

i've done it for a year , and i would never do it again, having your own living room helps but having to share a kitchen would be a nightmare for me

Lotus-eater

It really depends on your Inlaws. I could live with mine, as they would respect our privacy, but I couldn't live with any of my family, would be at each others throats in five minutes.

Supermom

I would rather throw myself into shark infested waters!!!!

brutus1983

also ever heard the saying "2 women under the same roof dont get on" believe me its true

Kay_Peel

It can work, I've found, so long as there is a time limit and it's not for the long-term.

My SIL, her husband and small babies moved into her parents' massive great big house, having sold their own house and not finding another to buy. They were there for over a year and got on great except...except...

Little things changed. MIL did all the cooking and SIL reverted to being Mummy's little girl. SIL talked more to her Mum than her husband. FIL didn't cope very well with having small children around 24/7 and became a stern figure of authority rather than lovely old grandad. They never fell out and they rubbed along nicely but they were glad to see the back of each other when a suitable house was found.

Desperado99

Lotus-eater wrote: »

It really depends on your Inlaws. I could live with mine, as they would respect our privacy, but I couldn't live with any of my family, would be at each others throats in five minutes.

Agree totally, only you know what they're like.

I have a friend (with OH and 4 Kids) who sold their house and moved into a big house with her Mum & Dad and it works fine.... But you couldn't pay me to live with either set of parents, I like my independence.

Bexm

My husband and I lived in my parents granny flat for a while as we needed somewhere to stay and figured we'd get privacy.. but it drove us up the wall..!

Even though it was a separated part of the house our patio door (main door) opened onto the parking area so when ever they went past they said hi and we could hear them in the rest of the house!
If we'd've had to share a kitchen too we'd have gone insane... imagine, you and your husband want some time alone with your kids having dinner.. but you've got to share a kitchen, so you'll end end up having dinner together as they'll pop in the kitchen whilst you're cooking.. which will be ok for a while but then it'll start getting annoying and your wife won't want to say no to her parents.. you'll start getting annoyed with it all and you'll end up arguing!

(well this is what would happen to us....)
Just trying to make sure you've thought it through properly!

jovichick123

I personally would advise you to think very long and hard before you make this decision, my Dad moved in with me, OH and DS for 18 months and it was the hardest 18 months ever.

Your situation sounds different in that you will have your own living space and only limited shared areas but it's the little things you have to consider. For instance, it drove my OH mad that if we disagreed on something my Dad would always take my side even when I was blatently out of order! It drove me mad that comments would be made about my parenting skills, minor things like Dad would make an off the cuff comment about DS's attitude/hair/anything really and it would make me upset because I felt like I was doing something fundamentally wrong.

As I say, I would think long and hard about all the pro's and con's before making a decision, if you asked me to go back to living with family again now, I wouldn't do it.

Mojisola

How do you envisage sharing the kitchen to work? Will you all eat together - in which case who pays for the shopping? Will you have set times for cooking so that you can do separate meals? Do you all have the same understanding of clean and tidy? Will your MIL hate it if things aren't done the way she has always done them in the kitchen?

Think through the hour-by-hour pattern of a day and see whether the two household routines will merge or clash. Tiny things can lead to a great deal of aggravation when you're sharing a house.

Does the house have a utility room that could be converted to a second kitchen?

We lived with my in-laws for a few years but we had separate kitchens - I don't think we could have shared one without problems. One thing I regret was talking about it in advance but not setting up a way of reviewing things. A regular family meeting would have let both sides raise issues before they became aggravations. It's too easy to put up with annoyances until they build up into something much bigger. Sort things out before they become problems.

It is possible to make it work and multi-generational households can benefit everyone. Only you will be able to work out if it will be okay in your case.