Do we always need to ask for a person's SOA?

scaredy_cat_2

please don't get me wrong i didn't feel fed up with people jsut explained that i didn't want to give up swimming lessons but would and have made lots of other adjustments. I was very grateful for suggestions and advice because the 'skill' is to question what you are spending and why which i wasn't doing - now i know how much swimming is (honest its written down) we are happy to spend that and have made a choice rather than just do it without thinking - i would rather someone said have you thought about such and such then nothing at all

scaredy_cat_2

rainbowrisin wrote:

I am a very frugal person, and sometimes I do look at some SOAs and am amazed at what people spend their money on. That said, I think that's up to them. I just try and offer any helpful advice on the bits I might know something about....

i spent a frightening amount of money at supermarkets and m&s and really appreciated the os tips and hints of how to save money :j and have greatly reduced my spending and intend to more so - babysteps!

rainbowrisin

scaredy_cat wrote:

i spent a frightening amount of money at supermarkets and m&s and really appreciated the os tips and hints of how to save money :j and have greatly reduced my spending and intend to more so - babysteps!

Well said scaredy cat..baby steps are the way forward..OS is excellent for tips I think..I lurk on there sometimes, but don't post much, as rarely use supermarkets and some OSers are mad keen on gadgets (slow cookers, bread makers, yoghurt makers and so on) - Gadgets scare me nearly as much as supermarkets:eek:

kathfisch

fishface-69 wrote:

..I would just like to see a bit more tolerance/less judgement on those of us who choose to pay off debts over a bit longer with a bit more breathing space! We shouldnt have to feel that we should lie just because some wont like the fact that we've spent some money!!

That's exactly what I mean, don't know if I've not made myself clear! I'm one of those who is not ultra-strict and worries about confessing anything at all for fear of judgement! But, as I said, in my case thats a reflection of my own feeling that I could be doing better, before all my justifications take over

fishface-69 wrote:

I am left feeling at times that some are tutting and thats a real shame. Nt so much for me because I am a strong assertive person who can stand up for myself but for those who are more gentle, sensitive this is very discouraging & I think goes against the whole ethos of the board & this is why I feel really strongly about it!

I couldn't agree more! I think the trouble is that the majority of us who give advice are understanding and supportive and recognise the values of the dfw board that we want to maintain. It can just take one negative poster to put someone off though. I often find myself saying to new posters 'read all the different advice and then take it or leave it as you wish, please don't take every comment to heart or stop posting because everyone doesn't agree with you'. Its hard to be confident when you're new, I know, but hopefully most stick around beyond that first bit!

fishface-69 wrote:

Also in my case I've never posted an SOA so how would the people that disaproove know what I can/cannot afford anyway?!! Noone knows my salary/income/outgoings so I'm being judged (along with others) but without any basis behind it IYKWIM?

I know what you mean but its this judgement that we want to avoid isn't it. What better way to increase the open and honest atmosphere than to unashamedly confess??!! :rotfl: I'm talking more to myself here than anyone else, not aimed at you or anyone else in a negative way fishface. I'm at the point now where I realise that dfws won't really judge me (and I'm not worried if they do ) but its still hard confessing sometimes. That's an issue in me though!!

spud30

I'm paying my debts off as quickly as I can.

What is keeping things quite slow is that I've chosen to work part time while my children are still at primary school. Actually, I lost my full time job, not through any choice of my own, but have chosen not to get another full time job for a couple of years IYKWIM.

I dont really care if people judge me....I'm doing what is right for me and my kids

In_Search_Of_Me

bottom line for me is that regardless of what people will say I now I'm 100% better than I was a year ago...I know I have a long way to go & areas that I need to improve on and the harshest critic of me is usually me and like many am happy to recive advice but its my choice which bits I take & which I leave and I guess its that bit that some need to remember! Good for you spud...spending time with kids really valuable but you shouldnt be judged for it or feel you have to justfy it - its your life & you decide how you lead it So onwards & upwards we go...I'm going to give up smoking & drining tomorrow (miracle required!) so am off to smoke my last (poss not last ever which poss not the best attitude to start with eh!!) ciggie...the port is gone & I miss it already but think of the money I've saved! Hugs all!!