What should i do/would you do?

vitriol

skibadee who are you tying to fool, csa and contact do go toghether, less contct more csa, fraud is being commited and im paying for it

skibadee

vitriol wrote: »

skibadee who are you tying to fool, csa and contact do go toghether, less contct more csa, fraud is being commited and im paying for it

In the eyes of the law they do not go together!!!.........if they did my OH wouldn't be paying for a child he has no contact with ( not his choice!! ) :mad:

FBaby

I'm in a similar situation. My ex has historically been paying whenever he has felt like it. For years, I would sometimes gets something, some time nothing and if I queried, i would get everything as a response, from I don't have the money to it's the bank's fault it has come out of my account. The think is, like you, I dread communicating with him as he becomes immediately defensive and aggressive and I don't do well with it, it really wind me up/upset me. 14 months ago, he was made redundant so all payments stopped. He got a job again in January, but because he wasn't earning a lot, he decided that it still warranted him giving me nothing. I debated for months whether to go to csa or not, but I knew he was self-employed and didn't trust he had declared anything and so was only risking getting him even more aggressive with me yet getting next to nothing, so decided it wasn't worth it.

He now has started a new 'proper' job. I am not sure whether he is self-employed or not, although I think not. Two weeks ago, he gave me £50 cash and I thought 'thank god' he has decided to contribute again, but sure enough, nothing the next week. I have now decided that if he doesn't give me anything tomorrow, I will have to inform him that I expect some contribution, prepared to ask for £200 rather than the £300+ the csa would probably assess him at, but if he wasn't prepared to do what he should be doing, he will leave me with no choice but to go with them, although I really really don't want to.

I am dreading it... I expect he wil go ape, even though he knows I am only being reasonable. I expect his partner is putting pressure on him about it, but I think it is because he hasn't told her all the truth about his financial situation. Sometimes I tell myself to forget about it, but even though I earn ok, I still have to restrict myself, make choices, compromise etc... and I don't see why I should pay for everything and him nothing.

Saying, that please, please dont stop contact. I have never used this as a lever to get him to pay because in the end, it's not fair on the kids. My ex sees our kids every weekend, and any time he wants during the holidays (usually very little). I have changed contact days a number of time to his needs, I do all the travelling. I don't do any of it for him but all for the children. They are close to him and his partner and it is not fair on them to see them less because of money issues.

I really really hope he will agree to my suggestion, even if it means having to go through a few nasty emails on his part first. I don't want this to drag and be constantly anxious at receiving nasty emails/text from him when I don't deserve any of it.

Good luck for you, but if he hasn't paid any taxes, you are not likely to get anything from the csa, so would avoid that route. You are left with either 'kissing !!!' with him so he does pay as often as possible, do nothing and be grateful with what you get, or report him for not declaring his income.

skibadee

I hope yr ex does agree FBaby as I think your being VERY amicable........I hope he realises how fortunate he is to have a amicable ex......if he doesn't then he is very silly.

kelloggs36

If you went to the CSA and he didn't co-operate, you would get nothing as they cannot assess him - they would go to the tax office and get a nil return, so there would be nothing to be had. The best option would be to go to the tax office and dob him in there if he doesn't co-operate - he doesn't know by the sounds of things that the CSA can't assess him, but if you also tell him that the inland revenue may want to know about him, he may well sit up and take notice.

PreludeForTimeFeelers

kelloggs36 wrote: »

If you went to the CSA and he didn't co-operate, you would get nothing as they cannot assess him - they would go to the tax office and get a nil return, so there would be nothing to be had. The best option would be to go to the tax office and dob him in there if he doesn't co-operate - he doesn't know by the sounds of things that the CSA can't assess him, but if you also tell him that the inland revenue may want to know about him, he may well sit up and take notice.

If he's not actually declared nil income to the CSA then they'd not nil assess - they would either go to the company he subcontracts for, assess him using ASHE, or impose a DMD as a temporary measure and ask him to provide evidence of earnings.

nattyt

vitriol wrote: »

just to mention, you know he hasn't paid tax for years, (your words), you could be subject to fraudulent activity's, as you knew what was going on but didn't report it. i like many others pay for the likes of people like him and you. i guess you were happy with it when you benefited from it.[/QUOTE

Would like to point out here that I knew nothing about this until about 4 months after we split up. As far as I was aware he was paying for it. Not that this is anything to with the matter in hand but there were a lot of other things that I didn't know about either. We never really lived together so his post didn't come here. So before you make a judgement maybe you should have the full facts???!!

nattyt

FBaby wrote: »

I'm in a similar situation. My ex has historically been paying whenever he has felt like it. For years, I would sometimes gets something, some time nothing and if I queried, i would get everything as a response, from I don't have the money to it's the bank's fault it has come out of my account. The think is, like you, I dread communicating with him as he becomes immediately defensive and aggressive and I don't do well with it, it really wind me up/upset me. 14 months ago, he was made redundant so all payments stopped. He got a job again in January, but because he wasn't earning a lot, he decided that it still warranted him giving me nothing. I debated for months whether to go to csa or not, but I knew he was self-employed and didn't trust he had declared anything and so was only risking getting him even more aggressive with me yet getting next to nothing, so decided it wasn't worth it.

He now has started a new 'proper' job. I am not sure whether he is self-employed or not, although I think not. Two weeks ago, he gave me £50 cash and I thought 'thank god' he has decided to contribute again, but sure enough, nothing the next week. I have now decided that if he doesn't give me anything tomorrow, I will have to inform him that I expect some contribution, prepared to ask for £200 rather than the £300+ the csa would probably assess him at, but if he wasn't prepared to do what he should be doing, he will leave me with no choice but to go with them, although I really really don't want to.

I am dreading it... I expect he wil go ape, even though he knows I am only being reasonable. I expect his partner is putting pressure on him about it, but I think it is because he hasn't told her all the truth about his financial situation. Sometimes I tell myself to forget about it, but even though I earn ok, I still have to restrict myself, make choices, compromise etc... and I don't see why I should pay for everything and him nothing.

Saying, that please, please dont stop contact. I have never used this as a lever to get him to pay because in the end, it's not fair on the kids. My ex sees our kids every weekend, and any time he wants during the holidays (usually very little). I have changed contact days a number of time to his needs, I do all the travelling. I don't do any of it for him but all for the children. They are close to him and his partner and it is not fair on them to see them less because of money issues.

I really really hope he will agree to my suggestion, even if it means having to go through a few nasty emails on his part first. I don't want this to drag and be constantly anxious at receiving nasty emails/text from him when I don't deserve any of it.

Good luck for you, but if he hasn't paid any taxes, you are not likely to get anything from the csa, so would avoid that route. You are left with either 'kissing !!!' with him so he does pay as often as possible, do nothing and be grateful with what you get, or report him for not declaring his income.

WOW are you sure we don't have the same ex:rotfl:.
I wouldn't stop him seeing the kids and we are hopefully going to reach a compromise for both of us. I have spoken to him but its more of a case of him shouting that i'm this that and the other. (nothing to do with maintenance etc but he left me. Found out that 6weeks after he proposed to me he started seeing the girl hes still with. But for some reason i'm sure in his head he thinks hes the wronged party!)
He did agree that he was out of order to use money against me then went onto say 'well its my only weapon!'
He really is such hard work. He paid maintenance in this morning and has the children next week. Lets see what happens now.