Taking The First Step To Admitting I'm In Trouble!

TOTALLYFEDUP_3

Hi Guys, I'm new here!

Yesterday, myself and my DH finally admitted we were in severe doodoo's, robbing Peter to pay Paul and basically living on credit.

DH left the armed forces last year, we moved into local authority housing and found out weeks later that he was not entitled to JSA or housing benefit as he had a small pension. Moving house cost us quite a bit, having to fully redecorate, carpet etc etc, had to buy a 2nd car so he could start work immediately as soon as a job came up and while he was out of work we started eating into the credit cards.

We had a holiday that we really couldn't afford and shouldn't have gone on but I was despearate for break after all the hassle and stress of losing 3 family members earlier in the year and since coming back from holiday I've just become Mrs Spendaholic - online and in shops. Thing is, I don't really spend on me - it's the kids.

Christmas I went totally overboard with the kid's presents - they got far too much, I spent far too much and there will never be enough hours in the day for them to play with them all.

We have 3 beautiful children and quite honestly I can't believe we have allowed ourselves to get into this mess, a mess that probably will have repercussions on them.

I am ashamed, I am horrifed, I feel totally irresponsible, stupid - every name you can possibly think of, I have called myself it over the last 24 hours. I can't eat, barely slept last night.

We're up to date with payments now, but the credit we had to use has vamooshed and next month will be a different story so I need to get this all sorted ASAP.

I'm doing my SOA and will contact either CCCS or Payplan on Monday - I would appreciate ANYONE giving their own preferences for DMP's or whether I should go for an IVA (our debts I reckon will be approx £40,000).

GULP!!!!!!!

Cards are now cut up into little shreds and I don't EVER want to see another one as long as I live!

Snaggles

Well done on taking the first step Totallyfedup, you're in the right place for advice and support - pop your SOA up, and lets see if we can help you find areas for saving money. You are not totally irresponsible and stupid, otherwise you wouldn't be here, so stop feeling ashamed, and start feeling proud that you are now going to tackle the debts.

You have had a rough time, with your recent bereavements, so don't be so hard on yourself. Take care xx

Jumps

You have taken the hardest step. Well done to you for taking this step. CCCS are very helpful. DH and I are in the process of setting up a DMP on our own but we had great advise from CCCS and from National Debtline.
Post your SOA and we will see how we can help.

Crown

Hi, and Welcome. Congratulations on the first step.

I personally contacted CCCS regarding my debts and found them very helpful. I too was unsure of who to contact but the general feeling seems to favour CCCS on these boards or so it seems IMHO.

Just a note regarding your cut up cards. Have you contacted the Banks/Creditors and adviced them of this as yet. It would probally be in your best interests to send them cards once you have spoken to someone on Monday

Regards

Tony

skirt

If you mail SSAFA (https://www.ssafa.org.uk) and get the phone number of your local Branch, one of their caseworkers will come see you. You can get grants from various charitable trusts and benevolent funds as your dh was a member of the forces. Its really really common and lots of ex service men women and their families get into a mess like this.

anniestar

Firstly, welcome. Do you have anything that you could sell on ebay? This might make you feel a little bit less stressed. Good luck you will get loads of support on here.

bank_of_slate

Hi,
You're certainly in the right place for advice and support.
I would advise you to post a full SOA (statement of affairs) people on here are very good at suggesting areas where you can save money. There is lots of advice on this site about choosing cheaper utilities, insurance etc.
Best of luck and welcome to the Debt Free Wannabee family!
...Linda xx

medman

Hi, Well done posting, try not to worry too much, you can move up from this low point and get back on top!

First thought is to contact the British Legion or the Army Benevolent fund (or equivalent RAF RN) Explain your hardship and they will have heard it before and have some good ideas.

Services charities will often provide help and support, they understand your situation and can make hardship grants. This is particularly true if children are involved.

Good luck & best wishes

MM

pennydoll

sorry to hear about your situation, I know all about the sleepless nights and the constant worrying, and mine didnt go away, after having a failed IVA (they are only after making money for themselves) and then having a financial adviser blackmail me out of another £6.500 for not continuing with a remortgage i finally decided i had to do the work myself. I took advice from the national debt helpline (Online too) and wrote to my creditors and told them of my financial situation and made a monthly payment offer which was accepted by most the rest said no but i continued with the letters and they finally accepted my payments which i have been paying off forthe last 3 years. Going into an IVA cost me £4000 for one year. It was set just that bit too high for me to pay but when i explained this tothe insolvency practioner i was told it had to that amount or i couldnt continue, so the IVA ended but thankfully my creditors didnt make me bankrupt which they can do. I started out owing a total of £56.000 first year having paid just over £4000, which went in the insolvency companys fees another £6,500 to the crooked financial adviser, and for the last few years have been paying £250 every month. I did clear one debt with an offer of 3/4 of the debt because they were really nasty with me telephone calls all the time. The thing im trying to say is get free professional help from the national debt line and do it yourself its real easy when you do andthe satisfaction you feel will help the sleepless night if i had done thisin thefirst place i would have saved myself £10.500 WHICH I COULD HAVE PAID OFF MY DEBTS. Having done all of this you need to cut your credit cards and store cards up what i found was spending money on cards wasnt like spending money at all try and hand over cash and its a different ball game, im learning to save and i know its goingto take me a long time to be DF but ishall get there.

taxi73

Hi there and welcome...what's done is done that's all in the past so don't even think of it as that's wasting energy...we've all been there...it would help if you posted a SOA and also other posters have given good advice regarding ccs and army benevelent funds...please don't worry it can all be sorted...have you looked at the OS board on here as it has great ideas for cutting your shopping bills

TOTALLYFEDUP_3

Hi everyone - thanks to you all for making me feel a wee bit better. I'm a bit of an emotional wreck right now and when I'd written my initial post, the tears came and wouldn't stop - I'm sure you all know how I'm feeling.

I haven't quite finished the SOA but will post it as soon as I have, think it's going to be over the £40,000 - I guess the good thing is that as of this minute I'm not late with a payment and haven't missed payments so hopefully if I go with the DMP my creditors will be kinder to me (I doubt it but we can always live in hope)!

I'm actually feeling pretty angry now with Halifax - I'm on less than £4,000 a year and they've helped me (by increasing credit) to £15000 of cc debt and a further £8000 in a loan! I know I haven't been very responsible but neither have they letting me get into this mess! Don't get me wrong, I accept total responsibility for spending it!

I'm going to contact SSFA on Monday, always said I'd never go down that road but hey, if they can help even in the smallest way.

It's astounding now I've actually done our outgoings how much is taken up on stuff you don't really think about - car ins, car tax, MOT's, petrol, school dinners etc.

I still feel sick to the pit of my stomach, all I've been able to stomach today is 3 Jaffa cakes and even those were hell to get down. I just can't believe how bloody stupid we have both been getting ourselves into this mess.

Taxi - I see your MBNA & Halifax are 0% - did you ask them to freeze interest or did you go thru' the likes of CCCS?

I've just done our weekly shopping - that way I can't be tempted by special offers, kids can't persuade me to put toys/mags into the trolley. This way I've bought what we NEED and actually I've surprised myself with how well I've done (probably forgotten a load of important stuff but heyho)!

Thank everyone and to Pennydoll, thanks for sharing that with me - you've made my mind up for me, I wasn't happy with the idea of an IVA and you've helped me see that it's not really the answer. Personally even if it takes us 10 years to pay it all off, it's all off and I've done it myself and by God, I'll never make the same mistake again!

Sorry, I'm waffling! I'll be back soon with SOA and I'll probably be asking more advice as I go.

Thanks again