Help me to help my widowed Dad

Blade26

I was wishing Kim and Aggie were still doing their show LOL, Kim would take no nonsense from him.

I think pride and helplessness are intertwined, he knows he should be doing more, as I always ask him what he has been up to an he reels off a long list of stuff alot involving my 87 year old Gran (his Mum) but then I find out he has been elaborate with the truth - don't know why, it's like he's a teenager, telling us what he thinks we want to hear.

Me and twin sister are meeting on Thursday with our respective ideas and we will draw up a plan from there, Im off to peruse the Messy thread

Thanks

Blade26

meanmarie

As someone else said, your dad sounds depressed....not coped very well with your mother's loss, so I think you should try to get him to see a doctor....if he won't can you talk to the family doctor and see what can be done from their angle?

If he has always had a tendency to hoard, doing a clean up may not be all that simple, but think that if you all descend and refuse to take no for an answer he will give in....would second the use of all the wipes etc that are available to make housework more bearable for him.

Could you get some of his friends to have a chat, as often someone from outside of the family is more likely to get a result....

Marie

Valli

erm - a 63 year old single bloke not far from me...(assuming he's in the same city as the OP)

I think the flyladies are the PERFECT people to help

Seriously just print him the list from a flylady thread - half-an-hour per day, everyday, from the list would get him on top of things sharpish. Also it would give him a step-by-step clue to what needs to be done.

If that's not a good fit do a housekeeping list, like they do in hotels (and Kim & Aggie do this for some of their 'victims') so it would read somehting like

bedroom (the one he sleeps in)
Open windows
Strip bed; put bedding in WM
(Have breakfast/coffee to give bed time to air)
Remake bed
Dust all surfaces
polish mirrors
vacuum floor

next day (for instance)

Bathroom

flush loo, apply cleaner (I use cif)
remove stuff from bath/shower spray with cleaner, wipe and rinse
wipe taps
remove stuff from basin, apply cif
wipe basin
wipe taps
wipe light pulls swtiches, door handle
scrub loo
wipe cistern, handle, lid, outside of loo and seat
(I use a bit of old towel kept STRICTLY for the loo and washed on a hot wash)
mop floor (unless there's a carpet in ther in which case vacuum)

so this way he knows what needs to be done.

Add in the weekly jobs (ie the night before the bins are emptied I empty all waste baskets in the house. The only rooms I don't have a waste basket/bin in are the dining room (because the kitchen bin is close enough to use) and my bedroom (because I am sensible and take rubbish out of there)
I keep bathroom cleaning stuff in bathroom and have a bathroom sponge to hand so the basin and bath can have a quick 'swish & swipe' when necessary. I also put a bleach block in the cistern which helps keep the pipework and the bowl clean.


Hotels do this (and I mean 4 and 5 star hotels) so that nothing gets missed, apparently.

Blade26

meanmarie wrote: »

As someone else said, your dad sounds depressed....not coped very well with your mother's loss, so I think you should try to get him to see a doctor....if he won't can you talk to the family doctor and see what can be done from their angle?

If he has always had a tendency to hoard, doing a clean up may not be all that simple, but think that if you all descend and refuse to take no for an answer he will give in....would second the use of all the wipes etc that are available to make housework more bearable for him.

Could you get some of his friends to have a chat, as often someone from outside of the family is more likely to get a result....

Marie

Agreed I think he is depressed, he doesn't, went to CRUSE under sufferance twice and then said he was better! I know everyone is different but I saw CRUSE for 10 months after Mum died, I don't feel cud but feel better about everything and more able to cope with most things.

Friends - he doesn't really have any, he can be so stand offish due to shyness that it comes across as rude, so he hasn't got a mate that he can ring to go to the pub. Mum was his life, as she was his but she had mates and had a life outside of the marriage. This is a whole new problem, Dad is a gunner.....going to volunteer at local canal boat project, going to do a sponsored walk for bowel cancer, going to lose weight after his own bowel cancer scare.....he had done nada! It's s frustrating, as we want to help him in whichever way we can, but how do you even begin......

Blade26