So confused, need advice!

ruby_eskimo

So the back story is:

I have been in a relationship with my SO for almost 5 and a half years. When we met, we worked together. It was just a summer job for me between years 1 and 2 at uni. So after 3 and a half months I moved back to the North East while he stayed in Essex where we're both from. Not long after he got a new job in Surrey, where he's been living ever since. Subsequently I have moved back home to Essex and live here now with my parents (oh the joy!). Therefore pretty much our entire relationship has been long distance. My current job makes me work weekends so we see each other every 2-3 weeks.

I've been studying for a masters and this is coming to an end very soon, and I am looking for jobs that fit with my future career plans and preferably in the same area as SO so we can finally live together. His contract on his current flat finishes in December so the race is on. However, the only sniff of a job prospect has come from a hospital that's not that far from where I live now. The job isn't really what I want to do but it's more appropriate for experience than what I'm doing now. I have an assesment for it next week and if all goes well, then an interview 2 weeks after that.

I guess the problem I have is: I want to live with SO so much and we want to get married etc, but he can't find work here and I can't find work there at the moment. He would have to be locked into another years contract on his current place if I couldn't move in December and that would mean another year of not living together. So if I were to get offered this new job, should I take it or hang on in the hope something else would come up in the very near future? I don't really want to take it and then maybe something comes up in a couple of months?

Sorry if this makes no sense, I'm a little confused right now. SO says he will support me no matter what, even if he has to look for a new job here. But the problem is he wouldn't be able to find anything anywhere near as good as what he has now, and I know how much he loves his job and his friends there are my friends too, and all I have here is my parents who say they don't care if I move away.

I'm so confused!

BitterAndTwisted

A job, any job, in the current economic climate is worth getting and hanging onto. If your relationship is strong you will find a way to be together. Maybe not this week but some time in the future. I think your OH should look closely at this having to sign up for another twelve months business as it might not be as cut-and-dried as you think. Has he investigated the possibility of going onto a periodic tenancy where he would only need to give one month's notice?

hot.chick

moved in with him - look for work near to where you live. (why take a job u don't 'really' want in a town u don't 'really' want to live in????)

it will workout in the end-if it hasn't worked out - then it isn't the end yet...

xx

CDC2011

I can sympathise...

My husband and I started in a LDR...it wasn't a massive distance and we both drove so that made it easier but at the time DH worked shifts so it was a little hit and miss as to when we could see each other.

We knew we wanted to be together so he started to look for work near me. He had a couple of interviews but nothing came good, however he was offered a great opportunity near where he already lived.

We talked about it and I said he should take it because it was better hours and more money. Plus it paved the way for a great career, whereas his original job was pretty much dead end.

He took it and we were able to see each other more as he now had weekends free, plus he was also able to save money towards us eventually getting together.

I then started to look for work near him and eventually managed to find a good job that would allow us to buy a house and live reasonably comfortably. We're now 6 years down the line and 3 years married... Moving away from my friends and family was hard but worth it.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, you never know exactly how it will work out whatever you choose to do. It could take weeks, months or maybe years before things fall into place to allow you to move.

Keep talking to each other and decide what is important...do you want to get together and then worry about careers, or would you rather find jobs first and then move in?

Personally, we wanted the financial stability decent jobs would bring rather than one of us packing in work and just moving. It took longer but it was worth it in the long run.

hot.chick

sorry I have a bit of 'live for now' view on the world... (after a very nasty car accident last year)

Anything can happen at any time and I know that being skint and with my huby would be better than having money and being without him.

hope u work it out x

pigpen

Could you not see if you get the job you are looking at and still look for other positions in Surrey? It would be a pain to settle in one job then move to another but if it means you gain more experience that you need and can afford to save a bit more for a new place when you do get to move.. why not...

Would another year in his place make any difference.. would there be room if you suddenly found a job over there for you to move in?

busiscoming2

Not a nice situation to be in and only you and he can decide. In the current climate my head would be saying take the job and heart move to be with him.

If it helps in any way my dd met her love doing a work placement between her 2nd and 3rd years at uni, in Ireland. She graduated and moved out there to live with him. Three years down the line and because of the ecomomic climate and the industry she works in, she is moving back to England next week as it was the only way she could get a decent job doing what she wanted. Her partner is contracted until next spring and so they will be living separately until at least then. Maybe then they won't be together as his job is contractual and can be all over the place.

Her thinking is she would rather be doing a job she wants and using her degree (didn't get into all that debt for nothing - her words) and hopefully in a couple of years they can move back and start a family, buy a house etc.

I hope you work it out.

ruby_eskimo

Thanks everyone. I think just writing it down has helped me make more sense of it. Otherwise it was just going round and round in my head. I have decided to take the job (if I get offered it) and still look for other things. They can't really stop me if I want to leave because I will be on a probation period for 6 months anyway. We had a long chat about it last night and agreed that's what's best for the moment. I think I was just getting a little jealous of my friends who have been with their partners a lot less time than we've been together and they are all moving in and buying places and getting married and we are engaged but can't move much further along than that.

Thanks everyone!

jonty1970

My relationship started as long distance.
He was working away and staying in B+Bs. And using his mum's house as a base.
We only saw each other the odd weekend, when he got the train back here. He found a job locally, just so he could stay here with me.
Things will work out eventually