Feeling stressed at work

KiKi

I LOVE SN's advice.

Don't respond to her. She wants a response. The best thing you can do with any bully is ignore them; they get bored. And better than that, don't try and outwit her with words. Just turn away, make a note, and say nothing unless she asks. Then as SN says, tell her you've been told to make a note. Say nothing else.

Freaking her out with silence, maturity and the real threat of a bullying claim might just stop her from behaving in such a petty manner.

KiKi

Milkshock

mmmm not sure

if you are really confident about your position i would take her on tell her to get lost, insult her back - see how she likes a taste of her own medicine. maybe she expects you to rise to the challenge in some way.

i wonder how long she will stay mates with her own managers if they find out she really is in dispute with you.

at the very least it will keep her quiet, and thats all you want isnt it?

Sambucus_Nigra

Milkshock wrote: »

mmmm not sure

if you are really confident about your position i would take her on tell her to get lost, insult her back - see how she likes a taste of her own medicine. maybe she expects you to rise to the challenge in some way.

i wonder how long she will stay mates with her own managers if they find out she really is in dispute with you.

at the very least it will keep her quiet, and thats all you want isnt it?

No - that's not the way to play it.

Bullies need to be challenged psychologically. Hence the 'I've been advised to...' stance. Makes them think people have been watching and it's just a matter of time....and puts their mates the managers into a position of maybe, just maybe, not being as chummy as they think.

Milkshock

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

No - that's not the way to play it.

Bullies need to be challenged psychologically. Hence the 'I've been advised to...' stance. Makes them think people have been watching and it's just a matter of time....and puts their mates the managers into a position of maybe, just maybe, not being as chummy as they think.

my real concern is that she is very pally with other managers there.....that little cartel has to be broken up

Sambucus_Nigra

Milkshock wrote: »

my real concern is that she is very pally with other managers there.....that little cartel has to be broken up

Telling her to get lost and insulting her is not going to break that cartel up - it will only result in a disciplinary or dismissal for the OP.

KiKi

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Telling her to get lost and insulting her is not going to break that cartel up - it will only result in a disciplinary or dismissal for the OP.

Precisely.

RosaBernicia

Hi LuckyMonster

Congratulations on getting a job you love and for doing it brilliantly!

If your work is already above reproach, I would make sure your reputation remains the same. Don't stoop to her level, you've no need. I don't think challenging her would help as it both gives in to her and puts you technically in the wrong as well.

I think SN is spot on - recording makes it clear that you have noticed, that you are not going to let it slide, and maintains your position as completely professional. She has no legitimate reason to criticise you, so you have no need to respond to defend yourself. If someone told me I didn't look busy all they'd get is an icy stare and raised eyebrow while I waited to see how much more of a hole they were going to dig themselves!

I understand that having to deal with it is stressful on you, as you are having to be the grown-up here. Is there anything you can do to give yourself a bit of a break - eg. pop out for lunch, or arrange to meet friends after work so you can definitely leave on time and have an ear to bend?

Rosa xx

lucky_monster

Thing is im not very secure in my posisition as I have only been there 6 months and she was TUPED over and has 4 years service. On top of her being best mates with line manager and manager. I just fear now she will be working with me and my department for 6 months she is going to sabotage my efforts to get me fired. There have been some really great suggestions which i will take on board and see how things develop. I have another 2 weeks to wait until we are working side by side. I will keep you updated on whats going on.

I tend to get home, take the dog for a long walk get home eat dinner settle down in bed watch a movie and off to sleep and just hope the morning doesnt come too quick.

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine

The note-taking of each incident will be a very useful catalog which will enable you to substantiate any action you take no end - wise move. This seems to be having a fairly intense emotional effect on you, and I really feel for you - no-one should have to put up with this pervasive barrage of negativity when they're at their place of work - don't let the managers' ineptitude stop you from seeking an end to this bullying.

Do you have a Union at your place of work, Lucky? They may be able to provide better assistance and a legal stance on what clearly seems to be a case of workplace bullying, which is really not on. If you do, please have a chat with them, they will be impartial and not an easily swayed part of this chummy network.

If you don't have a union, please think about seeking an appointment with Citizens Advice - it will be free, and could be very helpful for you to figure out where you stand / options you can take, etc. Don't let the fact that you've only been with the company for 6 months persuade you to suffer in silence - you have rights, you're clearly great at your role, and the company have legal obligations to listen to workplace bullying claims.

((Hugs)) x

Pupnik

She's been there for 4 years and is chummy with the management, and yet still got passed over. I think your job is safe and even if they are friendly with her it doesn't seem like the managers want her in your job. Perhaps working 4 hours a day with her will be a good thing- assuming it just won't be the two of you, if she keeps that behaviour up people will really start to notice it for the bullying that it is- you can't really write it off as friendly banter if it is day in, day out and she is targetting you in particular. Are there other members of staff who you feel would be a reliable witness for you, and not too chummy with her, in case things get taken to the next stage?