Just having a bad day

huskypup

Hello

Just having bad day and need somewhere to vent - normally I can just shrugg things off - but today need a hug.

This year so far has been pretty pants and I can't wait until 31/12 so I can say again "this year will be our year":D

My mum died in April from Liver failure she was taken into hospital 6 weeks before - she had been ill for some time - but she and my step dad didn't want to listen to us, she had been drinking alot - hiding bottles - I took!! her (actually manhandled her) into my car and took her to the doctors, she lied to him that she wasn't drinking, she also had osteoporis and was in so much pain. Two years ago things came out that my grandfather had "done" to her, she did start going to counselling but stopped after one session, she was on tablets for depression. Fact is she isn't here anymore and I miss her:(.

It was my stepdaughters 18th and my HB (45) birthday in May, so we went away as a family to Turkey, I work two jobs to pay for it, they had lovely birthdays - SD is also off to uni next week, and I have spent over £250 kitting her out with new bedding and kitchen things (me not her mum - as she was too busy on holiday in Australia), my hubby used his birthday money from my sister, dad and stepdad, to buy a new bike.

It was my 40th's in Aug and didn't want a party as it wouldn't have felt right my mum not being there, so we went "tenting" lol - on my birthday - I got cards from HB, SD and SS but no presents!! - the birthday money I got from my family I spent on taking them all out for a meal on my birthday!!! When I asked about presents HB said that I didnt want to celebrate my birthday, I was more upset at SD and SS, SS live's with us but they both bought there mum presents and cards on her birthday, and not me - HB bought there cards as they forgot!! how could they forget they came camping with us.

Well here we are today, Ive just booked SS 16th birthday present - a flying lesson, I wanted to do something special, as his mum always forgets him, his sister got a party for her 13th,16th and a car for her 18th, she has told him she has no money for a present for his birthday - she is moving to Australia perm in Jan 2012.

HB has gone on a works cycling tour across Yorkshire, he wsa away in germany the other week with work - I know its work but they always seem to have a good time - when I'm at home trying to sort out things.

My step dad bless him is lost without my mum, and I seemed unintentionally have stepped into her role - making sure his bill are paid - appointments etc, that he is eating.

Sorry to rant on, I'm just having a bad day and was hoping that someone here is listening and is going to tell me to "Man up and get on with it" - lol

January20

I am probably going to be flamed down for this, but at the age you SD and SS are, they are quite able to understand what you are doing for them and how hurtful it is that they should "forget" your birthday, so personally, I would "forget" their next birthday or even just give them a token present at Christmas to start off with.

People will treat you as you allow them to treat you. You SD and SS are no being very sensitive for you and you go and book your SS a flying lesson? Perhaps you need to toughen up? Perhaps you need to tell them how you feel? Perhaps (certainly!) you need to have a chat with your husband. Whether you wanted to celebrate your birthday or not, he should have bought you a present! I do wonder about people sometimes!

You know, they are not your children. You are treating them really well and being very generous and if they don't show appreciation and gratitude, leave to your husband to deal with it. He is their father. It's his responsibility.

I hope you feel better soon. You sounds like a great caring person!
You need to start putting you and your needs first. You maybe a wife and a stepmother but first and foremost you are a woman who is entitled to have fun and enjoyment in her life.

sukysue

You sound like a lovely person, don't be upset they are only kids after all .I know mine are totally unconscious of anything other than themselves or their friends. I do however blame your hb he should have done something for you, a bunch of fleurs wouldn't of gone amiss m'dear anyway here's a big hug and a hanky wipe those tears and move on . You won't change no matter what anyone says cos you are too nice . If the kids knew how you felt I bet they would be devastated. Hope you feel better soon and I am truly sorry about your mum look after yourself.

materialgirl

Hi

I think you sound like a really caring person :A (and big hugs to you).
The fact you bought your SS a flying lesson, at his age, he should have time to think how lucky he is to have you :T, since his sister has had everything and his mum is not getting him anything.

Perhaps you need to sit down with your OH when he gets back from his works-outings and just 'vent' a bit.

I think what you really need is some time for yourself (spa day with a massage? Personal shopper experience? :A) or perhaps a weekend away with just you & the hubby. A spa weekend or a city break?
I really get the feeling that you feel like the whole world is on your shoulders (and i dont blame you, i know how it feels )

Hope things get better and your SS & SD grow up to realise how lucky they are. :beer:

huskypup

Hello

Thank you, just having a bad day - I did tell SS that i was hurt that I didn't buy me a card or present - to be honest I didn't expect anything from SD, but SS has lived with us for over a year - he did send me a text apologising and said he was sorry for being selfish.

HB is a good bloke, just practical and not romantic.

Thanks again - helped having a rant - and the half of chocolate gataux I ate at lunchtime:).

Lirin

Everyone needs a rant at times! No matter how irrational, or silly (Sorry OP, that isn't directed at your post), or whatever.

Chocolate always helps. Or pounding something- it's why I play drums. Great stress relief.

Kay_Peel

Try not to be too down-hearted about birthday cards and presents.

I think the kids got some mixed messages from you. I'm confused because on the one hand you said you didn't want to celebrate your birthday but on the other hand you treated them to a meal, you got upset when you didn't get presents and when you found out that Dad had got the cards. If cards, presents and meals aren't celebrating a birthday them I don't know what is!

Some youngsters are used to getting not giving. They'll keep on expecting cars and flying lessons, toys and treats (and have Dad to do their thinking for them) unless there's some change.

We do them no favours by failing to tell them how the world works. They aren't mind-readers so you have to make the message clear: "You're (nearly) an adult now and you've got to organise yourself to send birthday cards to the people who love you and want to hear from you. You have to ring them and keep in contact with them - not me. Get presents for the people who get you presents because I'm not going to do that either.'

It sounds to me like your youngsters need the same clear advanced notice. It will take time to adjust. Of course, if they continue to be thoughtless and selfish after being given the warning, then they need a swift kick up the backside.


Hope you feel better soon and can put it all into perspective.