The ex, the GF and a Party

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

It's DD's birthday on Thursday - I've invited ex (He hasnt seen her for a year) but stressed that the current GF isnt welcome due to the arguements she caused last year but have told him that his mother (urgh) is welcome (more so ex has company - obviously havent told him this). Ex hasnt officially said anything about the GF but said his mum would love to come.

I'm worried now about the GF turning up and causing aggro (She crashed DD's party last year and was stood screaming abuse) Last year the party was at a public place, this year its at home. If she turns up and i refuse her entry she's likely to kick off - but again, if i do let her in I can see a repeat of last year

Any suggestions how to erm . . nicely . . tell her to shove off if she does turn up?

(For those of you who dont know, the GF HATES me with a passion - she refuses ex to let me know address; which is one of the terms of his contact and never been a problem until he moved in with her. The GF also doesnt like the ex being around me; ex isnt allowed to visit DD at home because i'm here - not sure why this is, only thing i can think of is she thinks i want him back :eek: and this has resulted in ex not seeing DD since Dec. Ex doesnt hve a back bone and goes with what she says to stop arguements. Not sure if GF is "allowing" this visit because Ex's mum is going or if she's planning on turning up.)

shellsuit

"I'm sorry but after last years performance, I won't let you make a scene at daughters's party again so I think it best if you don't come in/leave. Bye" *smile sweetly*

In shellsuit language :

"Are you having a chuffin laugh?! After what you did last year you mad bint?! This is MY house, it's daughter's birthday, your name's not down and you're not coming in!" *close door*

Marisco

Tell your ex and his mam, that they are more than welcome, but not to bring gf. And if she does turn up, she won't be allowed in, so it's best all round if she doesn't come at all. Make it clear before the party. Does his mam get on with her? If so, might be an idea for her to have a word. If all else fails, go with shellsuit's idea

jascrawf

It sounds like she is terribly insecure. It doesn't excuse her behaviour though!! My OH dated a woman for a short period of time and she found out she was expecting. Then he met me and we fell head over heels, eventually moving in with each other. Once his DD was born, I had these unbearable feelings that I couldn't shake off. It felt as though he had this special life long bond with his ex because they'd had a baby together and the insecurity sent me a bit batty for a while. Saying that, I never ever stopped him from seeing his baby or going round, or talking with his ex on the phone.

It was a little different in my case: I genuinely believe she got pregnant to try and trap him because he's such a gentleman and for a while, she left him alone. Once their DD had arrived and he was visiting, she started trying to pressure him back into a relationship with her, cooking his dinners when he went round, crying to him, long text messages and phone calls. She eventually gave up when he said for the 100th time that it wasn't going to happen.

It's difficult to know how to deal with someone who has insecurities. She sounds like the type to act on her insecurities which is unfair on you and your DD. I think time and maturity are the only things that will help her and in the meantime, if your ex doesn't deal with the situation properly then just be firm with her, explain that you don't want DD's party ruined like last year and that that is the only reason you are not allowing her to come in, not because you want him back. I think it's sad that your ex is allowing himself to be put in this situation by his GF, he obviously doesn't realise the effect it could have on your daughter and what he's missing out on.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

shellsuit wrote: »

"I'm sorry but after last years performance, I won't let you make a scene at daughters's party again so I think it best if you don't come in/leave. Bye" *smile sweetly*

In shellsuit language :

"Are you having a chuffin laugh?! After what you did last year you mad bint?! This is MY house, it's daughter's birthday, your name's not down and you're not coming in!" *close door*

I love the highlighted bit!! - In all honesty i think i'll send either OH or my mum to door - I'm 6 months pregnant and very likely to say the seond paragraph rather than the first!

Marisco wrote: »

Tell your ex and his mam, that they are more than welcome, but not to bring gf. And if she does turn up, she won't be allowed in, so it's best all round if she doesn't come at all. Make it clear before the party. Does his mam get on with her? If so, might be an idea for her to have a word. If all else fails, go with shellsuit's idea

Ex's mum does get along with her (AFAIK) but me and her don't - Ex has told a lot of mistruths and his mum has sided with him (naturally) and we no longer talk - If i ask his mum to make sure the GF doesnt turn up then it will probably cause an argument with me and his mum (She wont understand why My OH is there but Ex's isnt)

newcook

pre-warn ex that if she does come along you will call the police to have her removed.

I too love shellsuits answer!!!

princessdreamer

Unless you can trust the ex have the party without him. I invited my ex and his mother to my daughters birthday, it turned out to be the worst thing. His GF caused a lot of trouble despite not even being there, never again. sigh

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

princessdreamer wrote: »

Unless you can trust the ex have the party without him. I invited my ex and his mother to my daughters birthday, it turned out to be the worst thing. His GF caused a lot of trouble despite not even being there, never again. sigh

Oh your joking

Hopefully ex wont keep running to his phone and will spend the time with DD - If he does i'll probably ask them to leave.

Luckily it's not DD's party with friends - It's just for family so won't go on for ages.

I've already told ex the GF isn't welcome - I guess I just need to wait and see what happens

jascrawf - I think she is a bit insecure - I know he doesn't help matters (He proposed to her after just finding out I was pregnant...) but to be honest, thats not really mine, or DD's fault and I don't think its fair to use that as a reason to stop DD's access