Being taken advantage of by other parents

milliemonster

I am a mum to a 12yr old girl and 8 yr old boy and I am getting to the end of my tether with my kids friends parents to be honest!

My daughter is very much a homebody (well, lazy layabout actually!) and has never been the type of child that will play out with friends, when friends have called for her, she either invites them in and they sit in her room (or want me to entertain them, bake etc) or if they want to be out on bikes etc, she says she's not going out, I can't figure her out to be honest, she just tells me it's boring playing out. I have tried relentlessly to encourage her to get outside in the fresh air and get some exercise with her friends.

But my main argument is that I always seem to be the one who has my kids friends over for lunch, to play, sleepovers etc and my kids, even if they call for their friends always end up bringing them back to my house and end up spending their time at mine. I am getting a little fed up of it, a few occasions now it turns out their parents have even gone out shopping etc and not even told me so I end up babysitting their kids as they can't go home because there is noone in!

How do I deal with this? I want my kids to have friends, play out etc but when they do, they always have to have their friends at my house, I have to feed them and end up putting them up for the night, my kids never get invited back, today I have had my son's friend and my daughters friend at my house all day, it was the same yesterday and my daughters friend ended up staying last night, my husband is on nights this week and I told both my kids that they couldn't be having friends round making loads of noise and they needed to spend some time at their friends houses but still their friends are in our garden or house making a racket!

Am I being unfair?, I work 3 days a week in a stressful job as it is and just get fed up of on my days off having to put up with my kids friends all day aswell when they never seem to be allowed to go to their friends houses

skylight

It may not be a case of "not allowed" at their friends houses, but more that they just dont want to?? They have it good at home, warmth, food, no-one moaning about it!! Or perhaps the other kids think you are so cool they want to be in your house??

Many moons ago, I used to play at another friends house - she wasn't allowed in the streets/estate/roads/park and we had to play in her garden. Not a problem as she had a brillant climbing frame! Until her Mum got really upset over something one day and started to shout as us that we were not really friends because I never let her DD play in my garden. I left, really upset about it and the girl and I never spoke again. There was a reason she was never invited to my place was that despite us having a huge garden, it had been dug up ready for landscaping when Dad left, so the garden was a tip full of dog mess. I was terribly embarassed about it and couldn't admit it. It was over a year before it was ready to use again.

Not a great help in your dilema, but just that there may loads of different reasons why it is happening.


Personally though (after all I have said!) I would be telling my kids tonight that enough is enough and there is to be no more for x number of days and in fact for the next 2, they are being kicked out between the hours of xam and xpm because you want some peace and quiet. You could be REALLY mean and tell them with a big grin on your face that Mummy and Daddy want some snogging time. It will gross them out so much they may well play out!

newcook

start learning to say no!

if they want a sleepover tell them it will have to be another time, if they complain they are hungry tell them to go home for their tea, if they are out playing and the parents go out without asking if you would keep an eye out go shopping yourself with DD - the parents will soon get the message!

Pinky15

Hi there - I must admit I am pretty lucky with regards to other parents taking turns etc but there is one parent who never has mine back so I don't bother inviting their kids over now - if my child asks I just say no and why don't you go play with so and so.
If someone calls on my child and I don't want them in eg am cleaning/chilling then I tell my child it's fine to go out and play with your friend but your not coming in. More often than not they trundle off out - I do let them in if it's raining tho:D (sometimes!)

balletshoes

I'm another one who just doesn't do spontaneous sleepovers/dinner providing for other people's kids.

Sure, the neighbourhood kids call round for my DD, and they play outside (even if they ask to play inside, unless its raining, I tell them to get outside and play in the garden). When its time for DD to have her dinner, I often delay it so she can play a bit longer, but when its ready I tell the other kids they have to go, but my DD will call round for them/they can come back in half an hour or so, until bedtime/getting dark (depending on time of year/school holidays etc).

OP if your kids' friends are continually coming around yours, start getting them to call home to clarify when they'll be going back home (speak to their parents if you need to to impress on them that they need to go home before say 6pm because you will be having dinner then etc etc).

I don't do spontaneous play dates after school either - I say "I'll speak to your mum/dad, and we can do it tomorrow, no problem".

thunderbird

I have boys aged 9 and 12 and we regularly have extra kids playing here. If they start annoying me I have no problem with telling everyone it's time to go or declaring a day as a 'no friends in the house day'!

Looking on the positive side - it's flattering really that they choose to spend so much time here - hopefully means that we have a relaxed, happy atmosphere about the place

We rarely have sleepovers though!

pinetree

Hi on a positive note at least the school hols are coming to an end now,maybe start a new routine about when freinds can come round etc also homework will be starting again, always a good excuse;)

barbiedoll

I've always got someone else's kids in my house. My DS is an only child so I've always encouraged his friends to come round but as I work full-time, I was getting a bit annoyed as my whole weekend was taken up with sleepovers, endless lunches and dinners and general noise and mess all over the house......not to mention kids tv programmes blaring out all day long.

I did have a moan to my DS but he told me that his friends love coming round here, they think that I'm a really nice mum because I always feed and water them and they like the fact that I don't shout all the time, even if they break something! (Which admittedly, isn't often) They all like my husband, who is great with kids and one of his friends wants to come and live with us because his mum and dad are always arguing. I found that a little bit sad to be honest and I was flattered that his mates like coming here so I try not to moan so much. I'm not spending a fortune on rubbish food and fizzy drinks though, so I've managed to get them all to drink tea and eat home-made cakes. And they all have to clear up after themselves, I'm not a servant!

milliemonster

thanks everyone, you have made me feel a bit more chilled about it all, I guess at least all the kids are safe and happy which is the most important thing, I just need to toughen up a little bit more with them xx

Lunar_Eclipse

milliemonster wrote: »

I always seem to be the one who has my kids friends over for lunch, to play, sleepovers etc and my kids, even if they call for their friends always end up bringing them back to my house and end up spending their time at mine. I am getting a little fed up of it, a few occasions now it turns out their parents have even gone out shopping etc and not even told me so I end up babysitting their kids as they can't go home because there is noone in!

How do I deal with this? /QUOTE]

I think you should have a chat with your kids about it, because I wouldn't be surprised if they prefer to have their friends in your house rather than go elsewhere (especially your 'homebody' daughter), or at least happily agree if their friends suggest it.

I agree it's outrageous for other parents to go out without asking if you mind looking after their children, but apart from that, I think this could be a communication issue between you and your children and not something you should be annoyed with other parents for. Having said that, if you know for sure that these parents are basically not allowing your children in their house but ask them to play at yours ALL the time
then perhaps they are being unfair.

What do your kids say about it? Sometimes I just tell mine they have to play outside instead of bringing half the neighbourhood to our house.;)

Molly41

I do sympathise as i used to have every kid in the neighbourhood in our house and as i had four kids well you can imagine:eek: Anyway it does get better as they get older but also I had to set some very strict boundaries as I became unwell and needed to rest up more and i also couldnt cope with the noise and mess. However now the summer holidays are coming to an end hopefully the pressure will also lessen.