Do I have to pay him back?

emmaBZ

has he asked you to pay him back...if not then leave it...if he has then ask him how much he wants then work out if you want to pay him back, personally i wouldnt...if he wanted paying back he shouldve got a legal agreement if you never had anything written down then thats his problem. id only agree to pay him for what you asked him too put in ? and you could always offer him £2 a week !!!!:rotfl: :rotfl:

Idiophreak

Personally I don't think there's any moral obligation to give him anything.

I've not done anything like this for my gf, but would if she needed it done. In the same way that I'll buy her furniture etc if she needs it.

But if we break up I'm not going to demand that stuff (or money for it) back. I have more money than her (which is clearly the case in the OPs case too) and am happy to make her life a little better if I can.

If we should break up, then I'll take it as "one of those things" just as I have in previous relationships.

Thats assuming he was genuinely happy to pay for it for you (which sounds like the case) and you never formally agreed to pay him back).

I'd just make it clear that you were thankful for it at the time, that you weren't using him, but that things just aren't working out.

djdido2

hi there

i think if he ha$ a fairly decent job could you not arrange to pay him back once you are in a better financial po$ition i.e once you have qualified????. you could $tart by giving him a bit to $tart off and then more once you are able to!!.

Good on you for taking the re$pon$ibility for it.

JoeyG

If i moved into to a partner's home, out of common decency I would insist on helping out where-ever possible, especially if i was earning considerably more than her... it goes without question that I wouldnt expect any of it back if we split up.

Sounds like less of a legal issue, more of a 'sit down and discuss it' issue

black-saturn

If the house is in your name and the work was done without a contract or written agreement you won't have to pay any of it back. Someone living in your house with you does not automatically make them entitled to anything from your house no matter how much they have paid for it in the time they were there. If that were the case landlords would have problems all the time. Sit back and relax, you don't have to pay anything back unless you choose to do so. Blimey if the boyfriends I had paid back the money they owed me from the past I'd be loaded now.

LisaJayne_2

He knows things are going to the dogs and during an argument he asked for it all back, I told him I did not have the ability to repay him and he said he doesnt care.
Spoke to free legal help line through work and was told he could actually have a claim on my home! I was devastated but heard so many more conflicting opinions since then.
I am happy to repay him for the UPVC work by way of a loan but anything other than that...Im not happy and Im not able to pay him back.
He has been left my house 11 months now and has been living in his own house with his very large salary and nice car...He wants me to move in with him there but...Im not in love with him, its as simple as that. I could go and live with him and be a bit of a lady of leisure but its really not what I want.

What a muddle! I could offer to repay him when I can get a better job but what happens if I dont?
????? aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh

Nicki

OK - I'm a "legal eagle" as you requested, and I've told you the situation isn't clear cut, and you need to get proper advice on it from someone who specialises in matrimonial law (even though you weren't married). Spendless has told you that she consulted a solicitor who deals in this area of the law and was told bf may have a claim to a share of the property. You phoned a legal advice line who told you the same thing. Several non-lawyers have posted on a website that they don't think you should pay, not giving any legal arguments to justify their position, except Black Saturn's which is just misconceived, sorry, as there is a separate body of law relating to the liabilities of landlords and tenants, and you are choosing to reject all the legal advice in favour of the lay advice, because that is what you want to hear...

You need to go to a solicitor and get advice on this, which will depend on the individual circumstances of your case, straight away. That way you know where you stand. If the solicitor says that he has a potential claim on the house, you can then decide whether you either wait for him to ask you for the money (and put a bit aside to pay him in the meantime if you can) or go proactive and make an offer. Your ex bf doesn't have to know you've had advice or what that advice was, but you need to know what your potential exposure is.

Sorry to be blunt, but you sound as though you would rather bury your head on the sand in this one, and that is as dangerous as shoving the bank statements unopened into the kitchen drawer from an MS POV.

Loretta

You have had a lot of conflicting advice, I would wait and see what he does, don't do anything, whether you want to stop seeing him that should be a seperate issue, it would be awful for you to HAVE to seem him just to keep him happy.

He is probably cross at the moment it sounds like you wanted the relationship to end not him. I would just sit tight, don't discuss this with him or agree to anything, I think women feel they owe something in lots of different situations, but if you read this forum men seem to go off and forget about things and never seem to feel they have any responsibility.

I would say cool it and do not instigate anything. He would have to be pretty horrible to actually sue you. If he was paying £400 a month that is very cheap board and lodging and only for 1 year, and I expect while he was doing the double glazing or whatever you were cooking, cleaning, ironing etc and also providing a happy, warm, comfortable home. It would be nice to hand over a £100 a week and get the lot, already established, without having to save etc.

Do let us know how you get on, you must look after yourself and your children, he seem well able to look after himself - financially anyway

Bossyboots

Please listen to Nicki who has given you the best possible information and advice on this thread.

The problem with internet forums and life in general, is that people do have misconceived ideas about what is and isn't reality but put their views across as fact.

My friend who was in your position is now £5,000 lighter (not including legal fees).

LisaJayne_2

Nicki wrote:

OK - I'm a "legal eagle" as you requested, and I've told you the situation isn't clear cut, and you need to get proper advice on it from someone who specialises in matrimonial law (even though you weren't married). Spendless has told you that she consulted a solicitor who deals in this area of the law and was told bf may have a claim to a share of the property. You phoned a legal advice line who told you the same thing. Several non-lawyers have posted on a website that they don't think you should pay, not giving any legal arguments to justify their position, except Black Saturn's which is just misconceived, sorry, as there is a separate body of law relating to the liabilities of landlords and tenants, and you are choosing to reject all the legal advice in favour of the lay advice, because that is what you want to hear...

You need to go to a solicitor and get advice on this, which will depend on the individual circumstances of your case, straight away. That way you know where you stand. If the solicitor says that he has a potential claim on the house, you can then decide whether you either wait for him to ask you for the money (and put a bit aside to pay him in the meantime if you can) or go proactive and make an offer. Your ex bf doesn't have to know you've had advice or what that advice was, but you need to know what your potential exposure is.

Sorry to be blunt, but you sound as though you would rather bury your head on the sand in this one, and that is as dangerous as shoving the bank statements unopened into the kitchen drawer from an MS POV.

Nikki..yes you are so right, I have been burying my head in the sand and sticking my fingers in my ears and going "lalalaal" when I had some legal advice. He doesnt know I have had any and I wont tell him. When you say it would depend on individual circumstances, would they take into account length of time he lived here, his earnings in comparison to mine etc?
Loretta, no, he does not want the relationship to end, you are right but Im not in love with this man, I am not happy, its not fair to him or me, we both deserve to be loved and in a happier place.He has a lot of "issues" that need addressing but he thinks he is perfect!:rolleyes: