my debt story

bigalvit1

Hi everyone not been on the forum for a very long time,
I thought I would tell you my story so far so here goes....

I am 40 and my wife and I have been having communication problems for a while I tried to make myself happier by buying stuff on my credit cards and buying gifts for her to prove my love>
things all came to a head when I admitted to her that I had managed to get myself saddled with £23000 on top of our (small) mortgage.
the mortgage was used by us twice already to bail out my previous debts previously and I have always been the one that screws it up with no thought of the consequences,I have never learned from my stupidity until this time .
My wife decided she had to move out to try and figure out if she could bring herself to forgive me and give me another chance.

anyway since then at the end of june I have taken on loads of extra shifts I am a professional and have since managed to pay off £5500 off my debts and have created a plan to get the rest down.
I opened a new credit card initially I thought this was the worst idea but I found a zero per cent interest card from the post office which allowed me to move the credit card with the largest interest rate over onto that card.
this has allowed me to concentrate on a couple of cards with smaller debts but also gave me a bit of breathing space and allowed me to focus.
I have been working very hard mainly my intention is to focus on credit card debts before turning my attention to paying more off my mortgage to try and account for the amounts added there by my stupidity/naivety
I would appreciate any tips you guys can give me as I try to prove I am worth another go and I can be trusted again.

Thanks for reading
Allan

tankgirl1

Good on you for talking to your wife & coming clean :T

Phelpsie001

Get rid of your credit cards and only use your debit card!! Temptation obviously gets the best of you..

NeverAgain_2

Kind of the wife to stand by you - not.

I think you need to work out if she's worth another go.

bugslet

Phelpsie001 wrote: »

Get rid of your credit cards and only use your debit card!! Temptation obviously gets the best of you..

Agree with that. At most keep one and ask the credit card company to set the amount you are allowed to put on it at a £1000.00 for example.

Never again, the wife gave him another go twice before when he's added debts to the mortgage. It sounds to me as if there is more to the marriage difficulties than this though as you say you are having communication problems. I think you need to address those first.

NeverAgain_2

...Never again, the wife gave him another go twice before when he's added debts to the mortgage...

bugslet,

Fair point, but we've seen several stories on here of people trying to buy their partner's affections, only for the partner to bail out as soon as the money runs out.

Were I the OP, I would be concerned this woman is going to do the same thing again as soon as the next problem - of any sort - comes along, which it surely will.

quantic

Phelpsie001 wrote: »

Get rid of your credit cards and only use your debit card!! Temptation obviously gets the best of you..

Be careful with this theory, a debit card with a 5k 18% overdraft is a lot more dangerous than a 0% credit card

Elmo1985

keep out of the overdraft if you can

bigalvit1

Hi thanks for the in the main supportive replies.
My wife has put up with a lot from me and she has moved out to give us both some time to try and rebuild our relationship.
she didn't leave because I stopped spending quite the opposite!
she put up with me falling apart due to stress and a few other things that were not truly my fault however she is so hurt that I didn't talk to her about this time before it got this bad!
I have to explain £10,000 of my debt is a bank loan at a good rate so not to concerned about that,its the credit cards that were killing me and the fact that I wouldn't get off my behind to do something about them.
I have never taken responsibility for my behaviour until now I only hope its not too little too late!
thanks again for you're advice keep it coming
p.s.
no more credit cards when these are paid out they all get destroyed(very therapeutic)

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt

Hey Al,

That's nearly 25% of the debt cleared already then!

Have you actually written out your plan/budget yet or is it all in your head?

I'd really recommend filling in the Statement of Affairs income/outgoings template at http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html You can even post the results up here for people to offer help/suggestions.

The extra shifts and overpayments are great but nothing will support you long term like budgeting for your bills, food etc and knowing when you can't afford to buy x,y,z.

It'll also enable you to free your mind from juggling numbers, have it all written down. Its also something concrete to show to your wife how you intend to move forward for the future.

I think clearing the cards is the biggest first step but learning when you can/can't afford to purchase things is the bigger game.

Keep us updated!

Firewalker

Al, just keep going. But it is harder than that because (I am guessing here) to win your wife's trust you need to change your behaviour dramatically. Otherwise, it can become a bit like yo-yo dieting - you clear debts, you build them again etc. And because you know you can do it, next time the debts are more...

One thing that struch me was you saying you kept buying gifts for your wife to prove your love. One of my biggest AHAs was that buying stuff is often not what our loved ones want and that the most appreciated things are either free or inexpensive - they just need planning and creativity.

Look after self and all the best.

Firewalker